mikesironcladbeta.com

Photo Dump

2011-12-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

Leslie Timms: Genocide (5.12a)

Wolf Creek: New River Gorge, WV

yet, among their loud exactitudes of imprecision you'll (silently alighting) and i'll sing while at us very deafly a most stares colossal hoax of clocks and calendars -ee.cummings.

What? Is that even a sentence? -Me

Eddie Avallone

Photo Dump

2011-12-08T14:55:00.000-08:00

Copperhead: Summersville Lake, WV

Jeremy Rhee: Eighth Day (5.13a) Rifle, Colorado

Milky Williams: Trident (5.13d) Meadow River, WV

Leslie Timms: Trojans (5.11d) Meadow River, WV

John Averette: Thirstier than a Honey Badger

Evening Hike: Beauty Mountain, New River Gorge, WV

Elissa Williams: Halloween 2011. Jane Fonda

Jason Marshall, Karissa Dunbar: Halloween 2011, White Trash

Halloween 2011

Everyone is going to a Quarterly

2011-12-08T07:32:00.000-08:00

Deadpoint mag did, so I guess I will too. I’ll be lucky to update this blog 4 times a year and it will likely be right after an issue goes to print. For the first time in months I sat down today, looked at my list of things to do and realized I had trickled down to the stuff on the backburner. Blogpiece.

A quick recap: After leaving Ten Sleep, I went to Rifle for the month of September. The conditions were perfect and it was a great scene. My friends J Mcnasty and his beautiful American geisha bride were there so I jumped in on their honeymoon. I had a single goal for Rifle; to climb Living in Fear (5.13d). The style in Rifle has never ‘suited me’ which is a euphemism for saying ‘I’m weak.’ The relentless dull thud of moderately difficult movement always leaves me hanging on the end of the rope with flamed forearms. I knew it would be a challenge and it was. As usual for me, it came down to the wire. I was progressing up the route literally one more move at a time and I had fallen just shy of the finishing hold two or three times. It was pretty cool to finally grab it on my very last day there. The usual suspects were all there at the project wall cheering me on and it felt really nice to feel the positive support from the locals. Rifle’s always had a bad rap for having an elitist crew but on the contrary I find the regular climber’s there to be the most supportive and positive group to be found anywhere. Great times.

Me, Lilah, Abby, and J Mcnasty

The '5.8 dyno' seen here is supposed to be the redpoint crux of the route Living in Fear. I fell above it a few times. And it's not 5.8!

I pulled the rope, wrapped up a loose end getting some interview footage and headed east. The next two days I drove across the country with a single thing on my mind, my New River project, which I always called ‘the mega proj’. It took a while for that name to settle in. It’s never mega at first. But slowly and surely the years had ticked by and before I knew it, I’d been steadily working it for four years. This would be my seventh (or eight?) season on the route and I knew I was going to send this year. I had to. It nearly drove me to madness. I planned my entire life around the route and it was getting old. In fact, the entire trip out west that I had just completed was planned to maximize the specific strength I needed for the route. “3 months of techy face climbing at Ten Sleep followed by a month of thuggy gym-style climbing should do the trick, I thought.” I hadn’t been home 2 weeks when I surprised myself by sending. Sending this route was a HUGE deal for me. I named it Picket Fence and gave it the grade of 5.14b. It took me a long time to process the event and I still think about it a lot. After I sent the route, I hiked out to it every day for about two weeks. I’m not sure why but it was kind of like I lost an old friend. Maybe someday I’ll think more about it and try to write about it.

The crux of Picket Fence is a stand-move to catch a sidepull. On Nov. 11, 2008 I stuck the move and fell on the next one. It took me three years to regain this highpoint. I was not going to fall there again!

With the mega proj off my back I got to turn to a few other routes that I’d had on the backburner. First off was a route I bolted at the Meadow a few years ago. It is just to the right of Toxic Hueco (5.11d) and climbs perfect rock. Unfortunately it’s kind of a one move wonder surrounded by excellent 5.12a terrain. Usually routes are pretty easy to decipher after a while but this one took a great deal of time. The blank stretch of rock had a few options. I worked a sequence out left of the bolt last season and started trying to redpoint it that way. Then at some point, I figured out a sequence to the right of the bolt and finally a figured out a sequence even further right of the bolt. Oddly, every single sequence was the same difficulty. (V9ish) I finally settled on the rightmost sequence and moved the bolt which is a shame to have to do. I hate having to drill another hole in our perfect stone but it had to be done. The new sequence involved reaching high to a mono and pulling it down to the waist. The next hold is a tiny right hand razor mono crimp. A rock over onto a bad foot and one more crimp and it’s over. Easy to the chains. I named this one Trident (5.13d) for its unique 3-pronged crux section.

This photo shows the beta for the middle method. In the end I took the mono in my right hand with my left hand. This is a nice route that someone should come do. Leslie Timms photo.

After Trident, I was able to finish another route I’d had draws on for a year or more. The route McCrayfish and Chips (5.13d) is at Beauty Mountain just a short hike down from Picket Fence. I’d never invested time in it because I’d been working my other project. It’s actually a great route that should see some more traffic. Very steep and very powerful for NRG climbing. Stephen Meinhold got the first ascent about 3 years ago. I remember that day clearly. We had stashed two victory beers in a cave between our two projects. He drank his that day. I just drank mine a few weeks ago when I sent Picket Fence! It tasted fine. Since then it’s only been repeated once by J Mcnasty. I don’t understand why people don’t come and do these excellent routes. It blows me away.

After the send of Picket Fence I dug around in the cave and found the four-year-old celebration ale that I had stashed there. Like a fine wine in a cellar it had been preserved perfectly, though somehow still tasted like bitter defeat.

And finally, after that rig I ended up giving another go to the Hoax of Clocks project at Central Endless. When Porter bolted it a few years ago I tried it and it felt impossible. I actually wrote a tentative grade in the guidebook as 5.14c. In the years since then it developed a pretty fierce reputation, mostly because when Chris Sharma came a few years ago, he tried it and wasn’t able to send it second try. I didn’t witness this because I was failing on my project at Beauty that day. But there is some footage of it online that you can check out here at minute 3:20.

The route starts with maybe some 5.12c to gain the first crux. This crux ended up being the most powerful for me. It's funny to watch in the video how Sharma pees on it. He is really strong, but we all know that already.

This go around, I figured out some good beta at the crux and sent the route on my fifth day on it. It’s really cool to be able to get the first ascent of a classic new face climb on the Endless Wall, one of America’s premiere face climbing areas. It’s a beautiful route but, like many Endless Wall routes, it’s plagued by big horizontal breaks that offer excellent recovery. The grade of the route comes down to the difficulty of the hardest moves. I’m guessing about 5.14a.

The second crux comes just shy of the chains on some of the smallest crimps I've ever matched up on. The one they show the close-up of Sharma grabbing in the video is the 'good one.' Ha! I ended up getting a high left foot and doing the move static. Overcoming blank stretches of rock at the New has taken me a decade to understand the technique. The beta that works requires putting your foot by your shoulder. Understandably, Sharma wasn't able to crack the code in the hour he spent on the route. I think that's interesting and a testament to the specialization required for some of these climbs. As you can see, this is a screen grab from video. I've got a cool concept for this short film that will take a while to put together over the winter.

It’s funny to reflect back on climbing when, for some reason; it seems that climbing has been a relatively small part of my life over the past few months. I put a lot of effort into our latest issue and I think it turned out really great. Check out issue 18 here.

I spent an almost equal amount of time editing the video footage that I compiled in Rifle. It was really great to get to film some hero-status climbers like Joe Kinder, Dave Graham, and Jonathan Siegrist. I really look up to those guys so it was a real treat to get to hang out with them and shoot some video. I still have a lot to learn with creating videos but every time I do one I learn more. It’s been a great new hobby. If you're not already a member of the Stash at DPM I recommend doing so. 1 dollar a month is a small price to pay for the amount of entertainment offered. Join up, if for no other reason than to support us. We try hard, and that's the best you can ask for. If you're a member of the Stash, check out the Rifle video here:

Astroglide

2011-08-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

I was over at Alli and Kevin’s last night watching Ulitmate Fighting Champion. Last night’s match was between the undefeated champion Anderson Silva and some Asian dude named Yushin Okami that looked like J McNasty. Silva is widely regarded as possibly the greatest fighter of all time, though I’d never heard of him. The fight starts and Silva starts doing a little dance. He bobs and weaves. He throws mock jabs and kicks, then he throws a little hip thrust. It is obvious that he is studying the reactions of his opponent and the information is being compiled in his computer-like brain-piece. A brain-piece that is faster than an I-7 processor. By the end of the first round, Silva has barely received a blow. He is at 100% capacity while his opponent hovers around 80%. With all of his information compiled, Silva is ready to destroy Okami.

Silva. Jedi Master

Having already decided that the other guy stands no chance, Silva puts on a show. He drops his arms to his sides. His opponent throws lightning quick jabs at his head and Silva dodges every one. His neck moves with the quickness of a cobra strike, almost imperceptible to the human eye. When the time is right, Silva strikes. A single jab to the face that seems to come from nowhere drops his opponent to the mat. Instead of pouncing and finishing him off, Silva stands there mockingly. Okami gets up, obviously shaken, and it is apparent in his face that he is afraid. After years of training and becoming one of the best cage fighters in the world, he now understands that he is the mouse and Silva is the cat. The fight is simply unfair. Silva’s arms are at his side. His opponent tries futilely to land a punch, anywhere, anything, but Silva’s reflexes are unmatched. When Silva decides the time is right, he finishes the fight and stands victorious at nearly 100% capacity. He is barely winded after a title bout with one of the best fighters in the world.

Oh, I'm sorry, were you trying to punch me?

It was possibly the greatest feat of athleticism I have ever seen. Silva defines domination in the ring. Alli was saying that the UFC cannot find anyone in the world that stands a chance against him, not even a remote chance. And they need someone to beat him because his fights are almost boring and come with a guaranteed outcome. Probably not good for pay-per-view sales.

Highlight reel. I'm not even really a fan of fighting. It's the absolute mastery of his game that impresses me.

I left their house in the dark, pumped with adrenaline, and headed back up into the canyon. I was absolutely impressed having seen a true Jedi-master at work. I actively thought about Silva’s training. A trainer throws a small rubber ball at his face for hours and his duty is to dodge it, which he does. My mind drifted until something caught my eye. A raccoon darted into the road. I engaged my lightning reflexes and dodged to the right, narrowly avoiding the coon. My heart raced as I corrected to avoid a fishtail. Still trying to keep Max from flipping on his side, a skunk raced out to test me. I flicked to the left into the other lane with the quickness of a cobra. Then I immediately hit a frog. Splat! Seriously, come on nature, cut me some slack.

What it spoke to me is that we climbers can barely call ourselves athletes compared to the athletic prowess and intense training methods found in some other sports. Some of the best outdoor climbers in the world spend their days sleeping till noon, smoking pot, and then casually trying hard for a few intense moments when it ‘feels right.’ This is nothing compared to the intensity of a scheduled title bout in front of tens of thousands of people.

I slept until 10:45 today, something I haven’t done since high school, over half my life ago. I say this because I find it ridiculous that I feel compelled to write about a miniscule achievement in my personal life that does not even compare to something actually noteworthy like dominating an opponent in the Octagon. But climbing is my passion and represents something that I’m absolutely addicted to and love. It means something to me and when I accomplish a personal goal I like to share those experiences with my family and friends. In the grand scheme of life, it means nothing. But to me it means a little something and so I will share my experiences and thoughts on the route Astroglide.

Elissa on the classic route Sprout in the Pipedream cave, Maple Canyon, Utah.

I spent nearly the entire summer climbing here at Ten Sleep Canyon, Wyoming. Elissa and I left to attend the tradeshow at the beginning of August and dabbled at Maple Canyon and Logan Canyon. She flew out of Salt Lake, leaving Lilah and myself alone on the road. We visited Nick Duttle in Colorado briefly but Ten Sleep was calling me back. There was one project that I hadn’t tried that nagged in my mind. Astroglide was listed as 5.14+ in the back of the book, a claim as the hardest route in Ten Sleep and still an unsent project. I knew I had to go back and try it just to make sure it was impossible for me.

Upon returning, I went straight to it and surprised myself by doing all the moves on the first day. I was incredibly excited as I immediately knew I could do it with some work. My second day on the route I went for a link and promptly split a tip. Blood oozed out from a tiny gash about 1/8^th of an inch from the tip. The holds were small and the split was telling me that this was going to be skin intensive, requiring a lot of time and rest. Routes that eat skin are the worst. Constantly monitoring skin growth is like watching paint dry, sometimes requiring days of rest between serious attempts. Boring, just like this blog post so I’ll cut to the chase and tell you that I eventually sent it after about two weeks of effort.

The holds on Astroglide are small and wreaked havoc on my skin.

I am very happy to have been able to send this project. It is a beautiful piece of rock though I must say it isn't quite a five star route. The crux section starts immediately off the ground and stays sustained for about 35 feet. After that is finishes up a 5.12c slab to the top of the cliff. It’s barely overhanging on very small holds and very technical. I have to note a few things about how I climbed it.

Kevin Wilkinson bolted Astroglide a few years ago. He tried it and said, “It didn’t go well.” The only other person to try it was James Litz when he came through last summer and easily dispatched everything including Ten Sleep’s actual two hardest routes, General Litzenheimer (5.14c) and Porcelein (5.14b). At the fourth bolt, James worked the intended sequence straight up to the fifth bolt, avoiding a good edge out left. After the crux section the rock slabs out a bit and a full recovery is possible. James climbed straight above the fifth adding another ridiculously hard section before the relatively easy finishing slab. He estimated that the route, in this fashion was potentially 5.14c. Though obviously capable, James didn’t return to send the route.

Astroglide, a slippery little dude.

When a much weaker climber such as myself came to try the route, I knew right away that staying within the confines of the gold streak was not only ridiculously hard, but also contrived. Though it would have been a harder and cooler way to do it straight up I knew it would be silly to invest time in something I couldn’t do and furthermore, something that someone else would eventually find a better sequence for and downgrade radically. So I strayed slightly left at the fourth and far left at the fifth, clipping all the bolts on the route. This is the easiest sequence and though not as straight and narrow as the intended sequence, it makes the most sense.

It’s still pretty hard though. A breakdown of the crux would be: 15 feet of V8 ending at the clipping hold of the third bolt, straight into a 4 move V9/10, to a very poor shake on the aforementioned ‘good edge’ just above the fourth bolt, then a final V7 before the 5.12c finishing slab.

I’m calling this 5.14a but again have to clarify on what that means. You’ll note that in the video I call this 5.14a/b. I hate slash grades more than anyone but can’t think of an easier way out for this route. Based on all of my previous life experiences climbing at many different crags I think that 5.14a is appropriate but based solely on my experiences here at Ten Sleep it would be 5.14b. It is definitely a big step up from the other four 5.14a’s here but not as hard as Litz’s Porcelein (5.14b). Based solely on Ten Sleep grades I would think 5.14b but I refuse to believe I climb that grade, especially in as little as two weeks.

Right after I did Astroglide I also sent He Biggum which is just to the right and shares the same first move. I must say that calling Astroglide 5.14a when He Biggum is 5.13d is ridiculous. Astroglide is worlds harder. After long talks with Kevin, Alli and J Mcnasty, the general consensus is that, “Grades are fucked.” They are and always will be. Take it with a grain of salt. Just know that Astroglide is harder than the 5.14a’s and easier than Litz’s two routes at French Cattle Ranch.

The other thing to take into account is the morphological aspect of difficulty on vertical terrain. The crux move is a very difficult stab to a 2 finger crimp sidepull pocket thing out left. I can barely keep my right foot on a tiny knob that allows me to push to the hold. If you can’t reach the hold from the foot knob, that move will be exponentially harder. If you have fat fingers, this route will be exponentially harder. Basically, if you are not shaped to my exact specifications (5’10”, plus 1 ape index, 124 pounds), this route will probably be harder than 5.14a. So the slash grade also indicates: 5.14a for me, 5.14b for you. Ha!! Pretty funny.

If you’re still reading, I feel very sorry for you. My rants are pathetic. But before you watch the video I have to note one final thing. This video is entirely sarcastic. I’ve quickly learned by posting shenanigans on DPM that many people don’t understand sarcasm and I come off as an arrogant toolshed. People that can’t appreciate sarcastic humor are the worst of the worst in my opinion and should be lined up and shot to rid the world of the waste of space that they are. I’m kidding! That’s sarcasm. It turns out that there are many people that don’t get it: Autistic, learning disabled, and under the age of four to name a few. If you fit this profile, you won’t get it so don’t watch. If you just want to see the climbing footage and don’t want to watch all the shenanigans, skip to minute 7:00. I also have to note that the climbing footage was all shot from the ground, mostly by tripod, so it’s not the best.

Click the Crushmore Crew for video.

Onward

2011-08-09T19:13:00.000-07:00

Lilah enjoying some quality time with her favorite people just before we left Wyoming.

Traveling cuts into my free time left for posting photos and I've been traveling a lot. After Kirk and Crystal showed up at Ten Sleep, we climbed a few more days and then had to split. We caravaned through Yellowstone and I took a bunch of photos of one of the most amazing places on the planet. As American's it's easy to forget how amazing our own country is. We get stuck envisioning far-off lands in the Himalayas or Australia and maybe overlook the fact that one of the world's most unique and beautiful places is so close to home.

The Western Tanager is a pretty little dude. This species was first identified by Lewis and Clark. They used to be a big deal. Maybe you've heard of them?

Nevermore! The Raven is an ugly, nasty, creature. Edgar Allen Poe used to carry one on his shoulder to pick up girls. When it died he stuffed it and put it in my Uncle Bob's restaurant...I think that's how the story goes?

This what I'm talking about. Yellowstone is the only place in the world where you can see a bison herd in a sauna.

This is what those duders look like up close. Seems like evolution would have made them more aerodynamic?

This is the river those Lewis and Clark A-holes were following on their birdwatching hike.

Another stupid waterfall. For perspective, look for the 40 or so people standing just right of where the water pours over. I wanted one of them to jump so bad!

Hot water comes out of the ground here, just like my faucet. This is supposed to impress me how?

More hot things.

OK, I get it! Hot stuff comes out of the ground! Dammit, give it a rest man.

Top secret free camping spot. Guaranteed to wake up to the perfect view.

I love the Tetons. No other mountain range juts up from the plains with such visual force. It's like Gandalf himself, rose his staff and created an impenetrable wall of stone and ice to stop an invading army. Gandalf or Moses, or someone... Nearly a decade ago I spent a few months living in Dubois which is just over Togwotee pass. I didn't get much time off from work then but every two weeks I'd get two days. During the summer months, I'd use one of those days to go climb a Teton. I ended up doing four of the five. I didn't do the lower (the one on the left) but I soloed the other four. I was probably 23 and looking back, I was probably as cardiovascularly fit as I ever will be. The middle Teton is a hike, Teewinot is a scramble, The Grand has one 5.5 move and some scrambling but Owen was a particular challenge.

If you look at the photo, the rightmost peak is Teewinot and the one just left of it is Owen. It's hard to tell from the 2-dimensional view but Owen sits 'behind' the other peaks. The approach is much more difficult and the climbing is too. The challenge of Owen for me was that you have to climb a long couloir of snow and ice. The degree of slope is probably only 30 degrees but the thing is about 400 feet high. For someone with crampons and axes this would be very mild. I didn't have any ice gear at all so I was climbing the rock on the right side of the gully which ended up pushing near 5.8. Near the top I realized I had to cross the couloir. I was wearing shorts and some five ten guide tennies with slick rubber soles that are great on rock but disaster on ice. I looked across to the other rock wall. It was only 12 feet away. Between me and the security of the other rock wall was just 12 feet of hardened snow. I had one hand on the rock and I was desperately trying to kick steps in to the snow. I'd get just a dimple in and try to weight it and my foot would slip.

I couldn't believe it. I was so close to the top and this 12 foot span of snow was going to stop me short. I knew that once I let go of the rock and started to traverse left, one slip would be a 400 foot slip and slide to the bottom. So many things go through your head right then. All the pressure of knowing this is your only chance. I knew I had to do the climb but then you think about how bad it would suck to fall...and your brain just goes back and forth. I am not ordinarily a soloist and I don't do stupid things. I wasn't going across unless I was solid and I wasn't. But right as I was about to bail I reached out and found 'holds'. The ice climbers that had come days before me had left little holes in the ice with their axes. And they were deep. I stuck my middle finger in the hole, kicked a half-assed step and ventured out. No problem!!!

It was crazy. Every time I needed one, I found another hole for my finger. I freaking mono'ed across that thing! Hahaha! What a trip. I found myself on the other side, scrambling solid rock forever. The final stretch toward the summit is a knifeblade of perfect granite. The top is a jug rail that stretches for 200 feet and I was smearing my five-tennies and surfing up Owen with Idaho about 2000 feet below my soles. I have never felt so invincible in my entire life. And that day I was.

On the summit, by myself, I slowed down and thought about reversing the couloir traverse. Not psyched! Unbelievably, I actually found a rope. How does that stuff happen? I was able to sling a block and tension across. No big deal. It's cool to look back and remember experiences like that. I was a different person then, but I did that! It was me, and I was the only one there. Up there in those Tetons having my own personal adventures with no one else around. Crazy to think about.

So back to the present. We left the Tetons and headed down to Maple Canyon, Utah. It was the worst climbing experience of my life. I can't believe that place is as popular as it is but if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all. So I will stop there, having already broken the rule. We left and went up to Logan Canyon, Utah. The climbing there was much better and there was no one there. All the people were at Maple. What??? We stayed a week, I climbed on the famous upper portion of Super Tweak to check it out, did a few other routes, didn't take a single picture, and then headed to the outdoor retailer tradeshow.

It was crazy, just like everyone says. I can't believe how big this industry is. I saw a bunch of good people, made some great connections, had some productive DPM meetings, and then drove to Rifle. I climbed one day. I have trouble getting really excited for something at Rifle. Perhaps it's because it's very difficult climbing? I don't know, but the cool temps of the front range were calling so I blasted out and arrived in Estes Park this morning to stay with my friends Nick and Katherine. They have a sick set-up here. Five minutes from Estes, which is the hub for high alpine climbing conditions.

We climbed today at the Wizard's Gate and I'm very excited to go back and finish off some classico Jstar rigs. The aptly named 'Cloak and Dagger' climbs a technical, blank-looking, shield of stone to a good rest then ventures out an intimidating and severely overhanging arete. It is a great climb and we all joked Tommy Caldwell for not seeing that route before Jonathan bolted it! It is classic!

The tentative plan is to stay here for a week then head back to Ten Sleep to meet up with Devlin, Anna, and Chanti. I can't get enough of that place. After that I'd like to come back here and climb with Nick. He is a great partner that was kind enough to hike up to the Wizard's Gate with me on his rest day. I will tell you the hike is no rest. I was astounded to find out that the GPS said it's only one mile but with 1000 feet of gain. It felt much further. The crag is at 10,000 feet so breathing on route is difficult. We'll see what happens.

The Mt. Crushmore Chronicles: Part 3

2011-07-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

We are having trouble leaving Ten Sleep. Not sure why.

Surfers have some kind of slogan or mantra they abide by. Something like: "Never pass up a day of good waves in hope that they'll get better tomorrow." Sure, we could head on down the dusty trail for Lander or Maple Canyon but it's so good right here. The skies are blue, the air is cool, the crags are uncrowded and those that do show up there have become our new friends. In addition, our old friends from Fayetteville, Kirk and Crystal, just showed up. Lilah is psyched to say the least.

We had a cumulative three projects that needed to be taken care of before leaving and 2 of 3 are done. I finished up F'd in the A and Elissa fired off Blue Light Special leaving only the pesky Kyber Space for the Colinatrix. Not a bad route to spend time on though...

Kyber Space 5.13a/b: my wife ain't scared at all.

I'm also excited to stick around and shoot a bunch of different video angles of this route. It's pretty photogenic and I think I'll be able to put something good together. I'll probably find some sicky rigs to climb in my free time at the crag. There seems to be an abundance.

Lord Kirkules drove 30 hours, got out of the car and onsighted The Great White Behemoth (5.12b) in its smug white face. Simon Carter photo. (Believable I know. Don't be ashamed if you were tricked. Most will not believe that I took this amazing photo.)

I put a little more video together but it's kind of half-assed as usual. Still worth watching though if you're my mom but if you're anyone else...probably not. Some footage of our friend Blake Cash climbing on the absolute best route at Ten Sleep, Hellion (5.13c). With perfect rock and great moves including a shallow one finger pull at the crux, Hellion is certainly the best 5.13, if not the best route at the crag. It must be said that video magic was used to portray a clean ascent but the truth is, Blake's patience wore thin and he headed back to the knee-bar promise land of Rifle, Colorado before clinching the redpoint. It's apparent from the video that Blake is absolutely capable of the route and I'm sure he'll be back for it soon.

The second half of the short video is from one of our best days of the trip. The fourth of July, 65th annual Ten Sleep rodeo. As you'll be able to tell, this rodeo is the real deal right down to the spectators. Look for the Mutton Bustin', my favorite part, where small children are set atop sheep and then ride them like bucking bulls in a race. Carnage ensues to the delight of the onlookers. Much like Thunderdome, many children enter Mutton Bustin' but few leave unscathed.

Click on the Crushmore Crew below to see the video.

Nothing is more American than getting thrown to the ground by a wild animal

2011-07-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

Landing hard on American soil.

America, meet my face hole.

I challenge you to find something French in this photo.

Any of you other countries want to tackle this horse with your bare hands?

Happy Birthday, America.

Hold on cowboy, this ain't my first rodeo.

I've got some video to go with these photos. Just gotta put it together. I hope everyone enjoyed being American today. I did.

Mt. Crushmore Chronicles Part 2: Ten Sleep

2011-06-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

Note: This blog post sucks. Please don't read it. Something has happened to me today and my sense of humor has been replaced with nostalgia and contemplation. The following is full of nothing but subtle spray and arrogance. Do yourself a favor and look at the pictures, scroll to the bottom, click on the Crushmore picture and watch the video. The beginning is funny and you can see what the sick rock climbs in Ten Sleep look like.

It has really been a treat climbing here at Ten Sleep. The limestone here, especially on the harder routes, is the best I've ever touched anywhere. And to top it off, it's exactly 'my style'. I guess that means the 'style' of route I enjoy climbing the most coupled with the 'style' I excel at. Endurance crimping and pockets on gently overhung face.

I put a lot of expectations on myself to perform well and despite knowing that I'm doing alright I don't think I'll ever be satisfied. Case in point: I sent a 5.14a first try of the day. Now most of the time I would be happy with that result and spend the rest of the day just having fun and climbing with no expectation. I put my draws on the 14a just to the right and started the mega-dog sesh. It felt hard. Harder than the last one. I expected to put a few days of work in before sending. Instead, at the end of the day, I found myself clipping the last bolt, on redpoint, and staring down the final crux. That little thought crept into my brain, "How cool would it be to send two 5.14's in a day?" I stared down the move and knew that what was about to happen would make or break a lifetime achievement. 30 years from that millisecond that was about to happen I'd be able to look back and say "I did that" or "I didn't." I chose the latter and fell.

I hold no allusions about the fact that I will not have that opportunity again. 5.14's are a rare breed and finding two, side by side, that suit me perfectly, in perfect condition is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I cursed and wobbled and let my temper tantrum slowly recede from denial into anger into depression...(wait, did someone die?) I know, I take climbing seriously. But, after a long hike out and plenty of overanalyzing I've come to a point of acceptance.

I've realized that I'm not going to achieve all my goals in climbing. I don't know if anyone will, unless they set them so low as to be achievable. My life list of routes I'd like to climb is staggeringly long. To Bolt or not To Be has been at the top of that list since day one. I like to think I'll move to Oregon for a year and do it but that's probably a pipe dream.  Though I might end up in Australia on a climbing trip I'll probably punt on Punks in the Gym and who knows when I'll be back in France for Le Rose et le Vampire.  I might actually not send my mega-proj at the New! That thought is downright depressing. But I'm slowly coming to a point where I can accept these things.

And the funny thing is that these goals seem to be more of expectations.  I don't become overjoyed when I accomplish one, I just make the mental tick and move on, usually adding something else to the list instantly. Another case in point: It's been a life goal to onsight 5.13b. I guess I did that yesterday but it felt so easy that it somehow didn't count? I've tried much harder to onsight 5.12b's. Does that mean the route isn't hard? Don't ask me. Point being, I didn't feel satisfaction afterward. In fact, it's never been a goal to do 2 5.14's in a day! I somehow conjured that one up in a split second just before blowing it so that I would have something to be dissappointed about! Jeez...what a headcase.

All I know is that climbing has been so all encompassing for me for so long now that I've lost sight of how far I've come, the places I've seen, the trips I've been on, the satisfaction I have felt.  Somehow I get lost in the moment of constantly pushing myself to do more, all the time, always better. It's pretty lame in a sense. But that desire, always nagging, has kept me healthy, alert, and alive. It's kept me from getting old! I'm still 23 bitches!

In a bizarre twist of irony, Max looks on mockingly as a bronze 1986 VW Troy look-alike gets hooked up to the tow truck in the background.

My mom likes to remind me of when I was a wee lad. I think probably 20? I used to talk about how someday I would send a 5.13a. I thought that was going to be the pinnacle of my achievement. In my eyes, everything beyond that was reserved for Chris Sharma and other super human, naturally gifted athletes. I clearly remember that day at the Obed, TN. I sat there beneath the Dark Half and stared at it. I had punted a few times already and knew nothing about redpoint tactics. I chewed on my tuna sandwich and stared at the holds. All of a sudden the holds took on meaning, I asked myself why I fell, analyzed the answer and changed my sequence from the ground. I tied in and sent. That day really marked the beginning for me of understanding how to accomplish my goals. I 'learned' how to 'learn' if that makes sense. Here I am 200 5.13's later and now I get upset if I don't do them first try. What the hell?

I wrote a little piece about it that you might get in your inbox if you have a DPM account. If not here is another 'radio friendly' version of the same thing I just said:

Opportunity Doesn't Knock

As I brought Andy up I could feel a sinking sense of failure on the route and the huge waste of opportunity. I started to wonder if the odd missed training session here and there would have made the difference? Should I not have eaten this or that? The chance to be on this route, in good conditions, with a good partner is so special. As I get older I sense more and more strongly all the time that life moves on, opportunities pass - for good. Just to have opportunity is such a gift. Wasting half chances is just not on.

Dave Macleod regarding his recent ascent of Longhope Direct (5.14a)

I follow Dave's blog fairly religiously. He usually has some words of wisdom but this quote in particular really hit home. I've been on the road again, slowly getting back into the rhythm of climbing and fully embracing the 'two on, one off' lifestyle. I've been climbing, in a committed sense, for over a decade and it always amazes me how I still learn a valuable lesson every now and then at the crag.

I worked out the moves on my next project here at Ten Sleep, Wyoming. I knew it would be a hard route for me so I rehearsed it, over and over, dialing in the key sections. Late in the day, I set off with the cliché of 'no expectations' and found myself clipping the last bolt and staring at the chains. I attempted to draw on past lessons learned and squelch the tiny nagging thought that was tickling my mind somewhere around the brainstem. "This would be a breakthrough for you. To do a hard route so fast. A once in a lifetime opportunity." I breathed deep, focused, and ignored the fatigue and blood that had seeped from my cuticles onto my fingertips making them slippery in the pockets. I set my feet deliberately for the last hard move, stared at the split-finger, Spock-pocket above and gave it everything I had. My fingers sunk not-so-perfectly into the hold and the next thing I knew I was hitting the end of the rope and screaming the F-word.

The opportunity had passed, and it didn't pass slowly. It passed in a millisecond. I lowered to the ground and just like Dave, and thousands of others before me, my mind raced with 'whys.' "Did I eat too much or too little? Should I have stayed at the rest another minute? I should have tied in with the 9.2 instead of this fatty 9.8! Did my confidence wane? Did I forget to breathe? I should have trained harder!" And on and on.

After a few hours I made peace with myself. That opportunity had passed. It was gone forever. But the opportunity to learn something was still there. I overanalyzed the millisecond when things went wrong and eventually came to the conclusion that I gave it my best. Sometimes that's all you can do.

I had a dream that night. It's kind of a recurring dream. I was doing a one-arm pull-up. I have this dream a lot and although I've never been able to do one in real life, I've cranked off hundreds in my dreams. This time I set a new record. I banged out over 30 and a crowd started to gather. My hand was latched to the bar in a split-finger Spock position. I think Dani Andrada was there with his shirt off. Hey, don't judge my dreams, OK. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to master a move, and why not do it in your sleep? I will not fall there again.

Dave's comment, and my experience, got me thinking about opportunity and decision. Most of our lives, we have plenty of time to make decisions and every day we are faced with opportunities. You could go to the gym. You could eat an apple instead of a Snickers. You could not pick up that second, or twelfth, beer. You could put away a little extra cash for your next road trip or study the guidebook and plan your next challenge. All those little choices seem frivolous and irrelevant but ultimately, they determine what will happen in that millisecond of opportunity when you don't have time to stop and think. And for us climbers, what happens in those millisecond opportunities defines who we are. It defines our success or failure and it determines if we achieve our goals or not. You can't change what happens in that millisecond opportunity and you can't change the decisions that led up to that outcome. You can set a goal now and you can decide how to approach your decisions in the future. And if you're going to do it, do it now. You never know when that opportunity will arrive.

Ten Sleezy

2011-06-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

When we left off before, Max was under the knife. His driveshaft finally got replaced and we jumped in the rig and drove straight for Ten Sleep. We were a few days late to arrive which wouldn't have been a big deal but we were scheduled to meet my good buddy Devlin and his new family, Ana, and Chanti. Devlin and I have been good climbing buds for many years and I was very excited to see them. So we hustled up to the crag, met the Junker family, and got a bit of climbing in. It was late in the day when we arrived but it stays light until 10:00 so we were good.

Ana, Chanti, and Devlin Junker

My first impression of Ten Sleep was this it is a lot like Smith Rock, Oregon. Despite it being limestone, it's more like Smith Rock tuff than any other limestone I've encountered. It turns out that the Slavery wall, our first crag, is more Smith-like then the other crags. The first thing I saw when hiking up was Gold Member. It is the super obvious gold streak that begs to be climbed.

Gold Member

I damn near sent it second go, but had to come back for it. An excellent route. Colley picked off a 12 dogface to work on but once we saw some of the other crags we haven't been back to slavery. Superratic and French Cattle Ranch are phenomenal. Blue, white, and gold limestone as good as anything in Ceuse.

Superratic

I wish I had one of my old photos to post along side this one. I've got many pictures of Devlin's old late 70's, bright orange VW bus parked next to my 1986 bronze VW. We've been parked like this all over the country. Our old rigs were named Tracy and Troy. The new rigs: Mad Max and the Tiger.

Chanti.

Of course, lots has happened since we've been here but I'd like to take the opportunity to catch up on the video blog. Click the image below for Part 1 of The Mt. Crushmore Chronicles.

The Mt. Crush-more Chronicles

2011-06-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

Call it what you want: chance, fate, God's plan. It's all the same and nothing illustrates it more than loading up your belongings, aiming west, and leaving the comfort zone of routine behind. Which is an odd way to phrase it because nothing makes me more comfortable than the lifestyle of 'two on, one off'. 'Two' being climbing days, of course, and 'one' being a day of rest. But all that gets thrown out the window during travel and I've grown to expect it and learned to roll with it. It's part of the game and a part I thoroughly enjoy. Some would grit their teeth and curse at the traffic jam or mechanic that seems to be keeping them from staying on 'schedule.' But it's all part of the game. It's a lot more fun and a lot better for your blood pressure to submit to chance, fate, God.

Leaving West Virginia via the Silver Bridge, site of the 1967 bridge collapse that killed 46 people. This event was prophesied by the legendary Mothman. We looked for Richard Gere before crossing then continued.

You've gathered by now that I'm alluding to our misfortunes , or fortunes, depending on how you view things. The 'plan' was to head straight for Wyoming and set up shop there for a month or so but how much fun would it be if that all went as planned? To be honest, I've never been so excited to get back out on the road. The oppressive heat of Fayetteville was killing me and I hadn't been climbing due to it. I just laid around lazily waiting for someone else to climb something so I could write about it online. Lame. But what I was lacking in level of fitness, I made up for with PSYCH!

The drive was fairly uneventful and smooth. 24 hours of driving over 2 days and some change had us into South Dakota and seeing signs for the Badlands. Elissa and I had never seen the Badlands and thought it would be wise to check it out in case we never made it back this way. The small squeek from under the van had grown to a screech and by the time we pulled into Badlands it was starting to growl in a demand for attention. The Badlands were cool but the National Park Service is a bunch of racist commies and don't let little dogs in out of the car so we just drove on through with a few short hikes.

Badlands

Then it was on to Mt. Rushmore and the Black Hills of South Dakota. We checked out Rushmore which was cool and even climbed 2 pitches behind their heads. Well, Elissa did. One pitch of slabby, insecure knob climbing was enough for me. The next day we spent a full day at Spearfish Canyon which is definitely one of America's underappreciated crags. Amazing limestone as good as any I've seen and not a soul around. We got a bunch of pitches in there at two crags under perfect blue skies and perfect temps.

Is this young hippie scum scratching the bugs in his dreadlocks or pondering what he is doing here? Our founding fathers would be ashamed of our youth. Note Lincoln's scowl and Jefferson's general snobbery.

Then it was back to the van. The next morning we got a diagnosis from the shop and, as I expected, the same problem I'd had before had returned. Busted carrier bearing. So we ordered the part and headed out for another climbing area. I think what's cool about all this is that none of this was planned. We didn't intend to stop at Spearfish or Mt. Rushmore and we didn't plan to check out the next crag we went to either. Sometimes you have to view these mishaps as blessings in disguise.

Eat a baguette, Frenchie! American limestone is sick. This is the Indian Wars wall in Spearfish Canyon.

Victoria Canyon, VC as it's known, is probably my favorite sport climbing anywhere. It really is that cool. We drove 4 miles of dirt road across the open grasslands of South Dakota and parked at the edge of a meadow. A short hike through a pine forest took us to the rim of the gorge where we could peer down at the narrow canyon below. I was so excited about what I saw I could barely sleep that night. The next day we were up with the sun at 6:00 and even after a very leisurely morning were hiking in by 8:00. There is no trail through the canyon. It is so narrow that it's easiest to walk down the stream bed which was flowing with crystal clear water. The bottom of the creek is covered in multicolored water-polished rocks. A waterfall occasionally disrupts the hike through the stream and is bypassed by hiking through a lush landscape of fern, moss, wild iris and lady slipper. The rock was equally beautiful. Bullet hard, choss-free limestone that has amazing pockets interspersed with the blocky features found at Rifle. We got a ton of climbing in that day and the absolute joy of climbing got me up two 5.13a's despite my weakened physical state.

Victoria Canyon is gorgeous. I would never joke about something this serious.

The next morning we got word from the shop that the part was in and we'd be on our way to Wyoming by noon. While waiting in the excellent lounge they offer, Bob the mechanic walked in, "I have bad news." This was the first of three times that Bob would say this but he managed to say it the same way with genuine concern for us each time. Bob is a good mechanic and the folks here at Eddie's Freightliner repair shop are the best of the best. They have gone above and beyond to make us comfortable while we wait even offering us a courtesy vehicle to run around town. Like the bumper sticker says, "I'd rather be climbing," but this isn't too bad.

Max keeps it real despite his busted driveshaft.

I won't bore you with the details of Max's surgical procedure but it has been long and arduous and he requires a transplant. A donor if you will. With no donor available Max needed a new part manufactured at the local steel mill. He will ride again soon and breathe deeply of the steady western-air breeze over his radiator. We've been here two days now and all is well.

Our current location. Bay 8 and 9 are lower class. High rollin' at the Oil and Lube bay.

My goal this year is to create a more interactive video blog for my devoted followers (aka. my mom). My limited skill has slowed this process but hopefully it will pick up soon. Due to our chance week-long stay in Rapid City, home of Mt. Rushmore, as well as our desire to crush rigs out here, I have dubbed this vlog " the Mt. Crush-more Chronicles" So far I've only gotten the opening title sequence done but I'm so smitten with the following image that I just have to share it prematurely. Click on the image for the video link.

The Williams Family. Lifelong residents of Mt. Crush-more.

Enough about me, let's talk about someone scrawnier.

2011-04-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

If you follow sport climbing you probably know what this is. It's Adam Ondra's top 10 hardest routes (according to 8a.nu) for the last year. What is even more remarkable is that every ascent on here has occurred in the past 2 months and 1 week. When I clicked on this, it finally began to settle in what has happened in climbing this year and it is simply incomprehensible.

At the end of 2010, 5.14c had been onsighted once by Patxi Usobiaga. 5.15b was a difficulty of climbing reserved for less than a handful of people. In just a little over two months Adam amassed a ticklist that has completely shattered what we believed was possible. To put it clearly, 5.14c onsight and 5.15b redpoint were the absolute pinnacles of sport climbing achievement at the end of 2010. In two months he achieved ten of those feats. In two months! That is more than one a week. I don't know if you've ever been on a climbing trip but I have and generally it takes a few weeks to accomplish something difficult for you. Sometimes years. Which means....yup, this shit is easy for him. 5.14c onsight and 5.15b redpoint are easy.

What has this done for climbing media? Well, it's ruined it. Let me explain how. My job is to post climbing news that people are interested in such as:

Joe Meathead redpoints new 5.14b at Choss Rocks!!!!

Guess what....nobody cares. He didn't onsight it and if he had it would still pale in comparison to what Adam has done recently.

How about this headline: Magnus Meatball and Sausage Digiulian climb 5.14c at the Red!!!!

Ehhh, who cares. Adam would have onsighted it and then sent the Sharma Project at Drive-by in 4 tries.

Ok, now I know what you're thinking. I can still impress you by posting news of Adam Ondra doing something amazing. What's you're gut reaction when you hear this slammin' headline:

Adam Ondra Redpoints World's First 5.15d in 10 tries!!!!!!!!!

Be honest because I know what you are thinking.... "Man, when is he gonna send 5.16? This is getting boring. I wonder what people are talking about on Mountain Project?" At which point you probably go back to defending the merits of belaying with an ATC and removing fixed draws (aka. booty) from sport routes.

And to top it all off, climbing's messiah didn't swoop in on a winged horse with flowing golden hair and buddha-like insight into the most fascinating sport in the world. He resembles Harry Potter and throws temper tantrums the likes of which have not been seen since Jim Karn fell off a 5.10 in Smith Rocks circa 1990! Actually, the wobblers are the most fascinating thing about Ondra and the one thing I look forward to seeing more of in the world of climbing. I have little more to say except; Thanks a lot Adam. Thanks for ruining everything and making my job impossible.

Photo by Beat Kammerlander stolen from the internet

Ali Bubba

2011-03-10T10:54:00.000-08:00

Well, it's springtime at the New and with lots of the usual rain we've been struggling to find dry rock. Many dry days were spent at the lakebed and a handful of new routes got bolted. I put up some real classics this year like the Honey Badger 5.12d/13a, Michael Boltin' 5.13a, and what is possibly the best 11+ in the region, Porter for Recorder. Kirk put up a new hard 12b called Blood Trail that makes Slash and Burn look like a choss pile. He also bolted one of the finest 13- routes around which he should have finished up soon. For those looking for a challenge, you're welcome to get on the Movie Screen project that I finally sunk some bolts on.

It overhangs about 30 degrees and has perfect pockets all the way up. It would be about 13c if it didn't have a 6-foot dyno to a three finger on it. I've never been more tempted to drill a hold in my life but I would never answer that demon. Come and get it before the lake fills up! Bring your A-game. It's 5.14.

Recently I've reinvested all my time back into the Beauty 'mega-proj'. I don't want to jinx myself but I've never been as consistently close as I am now. I've fallen at the last move about 5 times this season and excluding the now infamous punt-in-the-gramma-section debacle of Nov. 11, 2008, I've never gotten closer. Unfortunately the finishing 5.11+ slab has been a waterfall all year and with the flooding I see outside right now, it's not going to get any better for a long time. I climbed the wet section to make sure I could do it and I succeeded pretty easily but add in a heartrate of 230 beats a minute and a 5.14 pump....I'd rather wear a space helmet full of yellow jackets than face that nightmare. Oddly, I hope to be facing that situation soon.

Also odd is the fact that I've been pretty psyched to boulder this year. I found what I believe is a new problem at Beauty Mountain and dispatched it a few days ago. So far it's the best problem I've seen in the region and although many people would say otherwise, I think it's a classic. The sit start and the extension still have to go down but the meat of it came together pretty quickly. I tried posting it on youtube but those A-holes didn't like my choice of music and banned it. I thought this was America?

Beauty Facelift by Dr. NRAC

2011-03-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

I was out at my favorite crag yesterday: Beauty Mountain. Between taking burns on the mega proj, Kirk and I hiked around a bit and I was reminded just how much has gotten done in the past 5 years to make Beauty a safer place to climb. One of the best crags in the country is almost completely reequipped with Stainless Steel (SS) hardware. The rusty old time-bomb bolts are gone and this showpiece cliff now represents the successful efforts of the New River Rendevous (fundraiser), NRAC, and most importantly, the people that have attended the Rendevous and/or donated money to NRAC.

It would be much easier to create a short list of what still needs to be accomplished at Beauty but instead I'll give a rundown on how much has been done!

Brain:
You want it you got it 5.9 sport: Completely rebolted with SS

SS top anchors for all trad routes including Journey to the Center of the Brain 5.7, Out of Mind 5.10a, Hot Flash 5.10b, Brain Teasers 5.10a

SS top anchors on Mensa 11d, Dancing in the Flesh 12a, and Butta 11d

Stonger than a stainless steel bolt on Chunky Monkey? Doubt it. Mike Turner photo

Chunky Monkey 12b: completely rebolted with SS

Mono Loco 14a: New route! first route bolted (SS) and sent under the new NPS climbing management plan.

Climax Control 5.13b: 3 new SS bolts and top anchors. Remaining bolts removed and inspected.

Travisty 5.13c: 2 bolts replaced with SS

Super Whiny Bugs 5.14a: completely rebolted with SS

Whiny Bugs: rusty pin replaced with 1/2" SS bolt

Mulatto Serpent 5.12b: completely rebolted with SS

David Gibbons on Disturbance. Safe above new SS bolts!

Genocide Cave: Done!

Genocide 12a: rusty pin replaced with SS bolt and SS top anchors

Green Envy 12c and Disturbance 11d: Two of the best in the gorge completely rebolted with SS

Blood Meridian 12d: two rusty pins replaced with one SS bolt

Burning Buttress: Done!

Kurt Smith had a big hand in this by putting SS top anchors on the trad routes:

Happy Hands 5.9, Spider Wand 5.10b, Wham Bam Thanks for the Jam 5.10b, Burning Calves 5.10b, Rod Serling Crack 5.10b, Quick Robin to the Bat Crack 5.10a

Elaina Smith on Burning Calves. New SS top anchors. Mike Turner photo.

Porter Jarrard took care of the mixed classics:

Will to Power 11c R: New 12mm SS bolt at the crux before the looooong runout! New SS top anchor
Chorus Line 12c: 4 new 12mm SS bolts in the right places this time!
Steve Martin's Face 11c: New 12mm SS bolt to replace Andrew Barry's super dangerous expansionless carrot bolt!

Fade to Black 12b: completely rebolted with SS
Sportster 5.13b: 4 bolts replaced with 12mm SS
Grace Note 12b: Classic! completely rebolted with 12mm SS
Ad Lib 12d: rusty pin replaced with SS bolt

Gunnin' for the SS top anchors of Super Crack. Mike Turner photo

Thunder Buttress:

Super Crack 5.9 and Gun Club 12c: new SS top anchors
Beast in Me 12a: new SS top anchors
Screamer Crack 5.8 and Mushrooms 10a: new SS top anchors
Left 11d and Right 11c Sons of Thunder: new SS top anchors, old bolt replaced with new SS bolt on right
Loud Noise 12b: new SS top anchor
Let's Make a Deal: completely rebolted with SS

Ram's Head: new SS top anchors for rappell site

Estimated volunteer man hours required to complete this job.....? A lot. And that's just Beauty! This represents just a fraction of the work completed recently. Beauty has about 145 routes that are almost all in good shape now but that's just 145 of the 2500 routes in the gorge. NRAC is fighting against time to replace the slowly deteriorating bolts that still lurk in the region. Just know that merely attending the Rendevous raises money to continue this effort. Donating money doesn't hurt either ;-) As long as we continue to be supported by the climbers that love this region NRAC will continue to make it a safer place to climb. See you all soon at the Rendevous!

Max the Road Warrior version 2.0. Beyond Thunderhome

2011-02-22T14:23:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, I spent a good chunk of January doing the remodel in the Sprinter rig. Max the Road Warrior was bitchin' without a doubt but there were a few things to be improved. For a refresher on what the finished Road Warrior looked like click here. Our biggest gripe was the bed. As you can see in the old pictures, we were sleeping sideways with our feet under the cabinets. The van is 5'8" wide and I'm 5'10" with the Colinator being slightly shorter but much more sprawly in the sack. I brainstormed ideas for a bed that would maximize space for a year. Seriously. Much like the naked Archimedes and Doc from Back to the Future, my best ideas often come to me in the bathroom. Slightly less brilliant than a flux capacitor was my folding bed idea which came to me in the shower as I washed, rinsed, and repeated the flowing golden lock that covers my bald spot.

The other big improvement is the addition of a fridge. I researched for a long time and decided to go with electric over propane for a number of reasons. With the addition of an electric fridge I also needed to up my battery bank. I did have one 55 ah AGM battery mounted under the passenger seat and I chose to add in 200 more amp hours for a 255 total. The other two batteries would have to find a home as well.

I'm not going to go into all the pain in the ass details of tearing apart everything and redoing it except to say that that is what I had to do. The counter had to come out an inch to accomodate the fridge depth and the cabinetry beneath had to be completely redone as well. You'll notice if you look in the old pictures that the drawer moved front and center over the fridge, food storage moved to the left, and pots and pans remained under the sink, though the door had to be cut back to 13 inches wide. I also added a slide out dining table for the booth, which we will see momentarily, and a small table between the two front seats. Let's give er a walk through and check the specs on:
Mad Max the Road Warrior version 2.0 Beyond Thunderhome!!!!

One thing I learned in college is that sorority girls love pillow fights in panties. I cannot stress enough the importance of always having an ample supply on hand. This is the view of the back of the van with the doors open. Water tank is on the left with a hose that runs into it, through a PVC fitting that keeps the intake near the bottom. The pump is mounted near the wheelwell and it feeds the sink with 12v electric power. Simple. Propane is on the right. Two things I added to version 2.0: The tank used to be a bear to get in and out because it was taller than the framework. I cut the crossbeam and added a kickstand support on a hinge. It's secured with a wingnut on the bottom and holds the tank in place. It folds up for tank removal. Click the picture for detail. I also cut a hole as big as my hand in the bed platform. Now if a fire starts inside or we smell propane or simply want to cut it off at night for safety reasons, I can pull the mattress corner up and twist it off without having to remove the tank like I used to.

This is looking into the rig through the sliding door. Note the curtains. Another new addition. We have curtains on the slider, the back windows and a two piece curtain that closes behind the front seats. Good privacy for Walmart parking lots. You can see the fridge in the middle now. Also note the bench that comes out a bit further than it used to. The bed is six feet, 1 inch long now. It is cut in an L-shape that is hard to see in this picture. An extension cord is stashed in the foot step. I can pull it out, run it through a cracked window and plug in. The cord runs to a power strip that powers a battery charger (mounted over the wheel well under the bed) and another power strip that is accessible from inside for 110 power. No hardwiring! Simple and effective. The wires from the alternator run to a single 100 ah battery beneath the passenger seat then along the edge of the floor above the step in a wire hider (hard to see in this pic) to the other two batteries that are mounted just in front of the wheel well inside that box. That box has a space heater as well which we will see.

Looking toward the back of the van you can see our seating arrangement. The back rest is made up of the bedding rolled up in the back and the additional bed cushion on the left.

This view shows the little nook of floor space between the cabinetry and the bed. Lilah's custom dog cave was improved with padded floor in addition to her carpeted walls. She loves it and even spent time in there when I worked on the van. Trash can and dog food on the left and some additional cubbies for stuff. There's always something to stash in cubbies.

This is the slide out table. I really like the additional counter space and it's nice to eat at the same table with Elissa. No more plates in the lap.

The kitchen is improved. Food on the left, drawer and fridge center, pots and pans under sink.

The space heater is mounted on a door that folds open. It runs off the propane tank. It closes and locks in place with a simple gate latch bolt style closure when driving.

The crux of the bed design was figuring out what the folding portion would settle on when in the open position. Google came to the rescue and I found the perfect option: a motorcycle foot peg. The peg folds up flush and out off the way when not in use. You can also see in this picture the inverter, the slide out table and bolt latch to hold it in place, and the custom cut slot that perfectly accomodates a 24 pack of beer.

Onward with the transformation into the bed. The backrest is velcroed to the wall and the seat cushion is just sitting there. throw those on the back and fold over the wood piece. I am gracefully holding this up with my foot and shooting the picture at the same time to demonstrate.

The cushions pop in place.

And the bedroll rolls down already made up. No need to stash blankets and remake the bed everyday as is common with other conversion designs. That was the requirement for me is that I wouldn't have to make up the bed everyday.

Another addition in 2.0 is a small table up front. I used a scrap from the countertop and cut it to fit. It's mounted on painted iron pipe and rests on the arm rest for more support though it doesn't really need it. It just pops onto the pipe for use and I store it behind the driver seat. The vertical pipe is fixed.

I was able to use the existing holes that were for the safety kit common in most Sprinters. The fire extinguisher fits nicely on the driver seat mount visible in the above picture.

This is the mount under the table. I cut all the way through that fitting with a hacksaw. It took a while. The threaded nipple just slips over the iron pipe. I'm a little bummed that the paint is going to chip away pretty quickly but...whatever.

These pictures aren't really in any order. Just kind of hopping around. This is the power strip. This is the same compartment that holds the trash can and dog food. Not very easily accessible but the times that we'll be using shore power are few and far between. In the rare case that we do have it we'll only be running a small electric heater. Like I said before, once that extension cord is plugged in the batteries are charging so we can run all our 12v with no regard for power conservation anyway.

You can see just left of the light is the battery monitor. I'm really glad I got the good digital one. It's really helpful in managing the 12v power. I was a bit concerned with how much power the fridge would consume but so far I think it's going to be fine. 255 ah battery bank and the fridge pulls about 3 amps for about 40 seconds every 5 minutes or so. Very efficient. I left the fridge on for a few days and noticed no significant battery drain at all. Still 12.7 volts after 3 or 4 days. I am aware though that it's been highs of 50's and running it in the middle of the summer is going to be a different story. We'll see. You can also see the fan here. I like this fan a lot. With the back door cracked and a front window slightly open you get a nice cross breeze. I'm a little bummed I didn't install the fantastic fan but one of my requirements for the conversion was to cut no holes in the van. The only one I cut was for the sink drain.

The final shot here is the clothes cabinet which remained unchanged. The left two are for clothes. The shelves are removable. On extended trips it's nice to have all three shelves in so you can organize but for shorter trips it's nice to pack a small backpack in the house and just throw it in with the shelves collapsed. The right cabinet is for big stuff like dirty laundry bag. The small portion at the bottom is a slide out shelf for a laptop so you can lay in bed and watch movies. One space that opened up is the large storage portion below the clothes cabinet where our feet used to go when we were sideways sleepers. It fits a crashpad perfectly (a large piece of climbing gear for those unfamiliar) or just extra blankets, jackets, dog on a cold night, or even a child for the first 7 years of their life. The wood divider folds down and there is another piece of covered mattress that fits that spot. I did it that way so that if I go on trips by myself I can still sleep sideways if I want to avoid the tiny hassle of having to transform the bed.

Mad Max the Road Warrior version 2.0 Beyond Thunderhome!

Forget about it.

2011-02-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

I thought about trying to catch up since my last blog post and the more I did that the more I procrastinized and the more daunting the task became. So forget about it. I'm going to try something new in an effort to stay up to date. Bullet point blog posts that take 5 minutes. I really like keeping this blog so I can look back and remember the cool stuff that happens around here and elsewhere but I've put too high a standard on what i post and it's caused me to fall behind and not do it at all so start to expect trash!

Recap: Last post was September something. Good weather came and climbing season happened. Overall it was a fairly unproductive season.

Mega Proj: Shut me down again. Year 3, 100 plus days. Seems to get harder as I get older. I had more hair when I started working this thing. Note the lack of bald spot year one.

I kind of lost mojo this season. I felt like the proj was holding me back from doing other routes in the prime season so I did a tour of the cumberland plateau. I spent some time at the red in the fall and did some cool stuff.

I got to spend some time with my friend Pete and Lidija and their dog Buster. They are from the Lake Tahoe area. I met them in Smith Rock a few years ago and they are amazing people. Pete has always been a world-class bad-ass climber. A few years ago he lost his leg when a piece of machinery fell on his foot at work. It hasn't slowed him down much and he's probably the strongest prosthetic leg climber in the country. Still climbing 5.13!

Here's Pete on Dogleg at the Red River Gorge.

And Lidija with Buster. She always looks like this. Always laughing uncontrollably. Great people.

Another friend I got to hang out with was Nick Duttle. Here he is during one of the most incredible redpoints of Kaleidoscope. About half way up he started to look like he would fall at every move. He just kept going. Everyone at the crag was simultaneously laughing and cheering. It was hilarious. He'd lunge and sag out, then reel it back in. Every move. Not a single person, Nick included, thought he'd clip the chains but he did!

After the Red, the weather moved in and I had to head south for warmer climates. I spent a few days climbing at Little River Canyon in Alabama. Great crag and great stone. The canyon is near Fort Smith, Alabama.

Fort Smith is known for two things: The Alabama Fan Club and Musuem and socks. Yes, they make socks in Fort Smith. I love America.

My partner for the Alabama trip was fellow Sprinter van dweller Ben Gilkison. Here he is on the highlight routes of the trip: Unshackled. One of the best 8a's in the south!

Bald eagles soar high above the canyon. We had one fly right over our heads at Unshackled one day. I took this picture of an eagle. It was sitting motionless behind the glass of a Park Service information board. This is a picture of a picture of a bald eagle that I took. National Geographic, here I come.

The conditions became frigid in Alabama and with no rock further south I had to head west to Arkansas. Jasper, Arkansas is in the heart of the Ozarks. This is one destination that has been on my hit list for quite some time.

The Horseshoe Canyon Ranch is a private dude ranch that caters to cowboys and climbers. It is without a doubt the finest moderate sport climbing destination in the country. It lacks hard routes but makes up for it with excellent hard bouldering. It is probably my favorite bouldering area in the country. Hueco is restricted, Bishop and LRC are crowded. HCR is empty and excellent boulders are everywhere!

A bit further south is the town of Cowell, home of Fontaine Red and Fred's Cave. This is Fred's cave.

I sent a problem! Tag my fist in the camera. Shikidang! How'd it feel?

Ironclad beta: Arkansas is a dry state. You heard me right, it's a dry state. There are some fringe counties at the edges that sell beer in select locations but for the most part consider it dry! Byob. We had to make a 120 mile beer run to Missouri. Don't be stupid like us. Bring beer!

No climbing trip to Arkansas is complete without a stop at the regionally famous Ozark Cafe. Kirk got the half-pound Ozark burger and I must say it makes our WV Long Haul burgers look like a mere morsel. Again: Shikidang.

Onward with the whirlwind tour....I headed back east just in time for Christmas with the Colley's. A good time to relax and regroup and a wonderful time overall. Then Elissa and I headed to the Obed for New Years. We met back up with Ben and his wife Tiff for some solid Farkle dice and champagne. Dude, we raged on New Years! A little dice game, a little drink, in bed by 10:00, just the way I like it!

January had me back home at the New to work on Max's remodel. Max the Road Warrior has been transformed. He is now, Max the Road Warrior version 2.0 Beyond Thunderhome. Expect a seperate blogpost on this when I get some pictures.

I headed back to the Obed for a short two day trip to meet up with Kirk who was returning from Red Rocks, Nevada. I knocked off the project I picked up at new years in short order and split back to the New where the weather has finally turned for the better.

The past week, Kirk and I have been hitting up the Lakebed, putting up new routes, and knocking them down. I bolted and sent a fine new 13a.

This new route follows the rope. It starts with the first two bolts of Aryan Race (12c) which I put up last year. I had rapped this line last year and thought it didn't go. I rapped it again this year and thought the crux would be V9 or so. I fired in some bolts and sent it second try. I couldn't believe the crux goes down like it does. It requires using a non-hold on the arete that just magically works somehow. really amazing route. Cleaning this route was as easy as brushing a spider web out of a single pocket. That was it. I would eat off of any part of this route. It is immaculate white stone. It's also the first route I've drilled with my new drill. My drill's name is Michael Boltin' and so that is the name of this route as well. Yeah, I know it's stupid. Deal with it!

Boom! up to date. I'll do better now I promise. Honestly, the fast pace of this blog post feels about the same speed that the winter went. I can't believe it's spring already.

Gettin' stuff done

2010-09-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

I'm not a very productive person overall so gettin' stuff done usually takes me a while. At the opposite end of the spectrum is our unofficial mayor of Fayetteville, Gene Kistler. Gene knows how to get stuff done. Here's a picture of Gene with the new Bubba City signboard that was installed this morning. This sign was built using NRAC funds and will soon contain info on how to get into Bubba, maps, access issues, etc. We had a sturdy crew to hoist that thing which probably weighed 700 pounds. Concrete was poured, shit was talked, then we headed over to the Bridge Buttress to work on the staircase used to access the top.

The staircase has been on ongoing project that Gene says we've been working on for "twenty years". Everytime it pours rain a torrent of water rushes down the gully and eventually erodes the slope and the stairs start to shift. We need bigger rocks!

Robbie was the hero of the day with his elaborate haul system. Huge rocks were hoisted into the sky and hauled to the top of the gulley where BJ the mason was ready to shift them into place.

Gene's job was to tie into the haul line and jump off the top of the cliff. I took this picture fully expecting him to eat it into the ground at top speed but the rocks proved to be heavier than Gene.

It required more hauling. When Lilah barked the order everyone tugged and the rock shifted up the hill as Gene slowly descended back to earth. In just a few hours we made good headway on the project and hopefully this task is nearing finality. We had a great time and at the end of the day we got to reflect on just how much NRAC has done for the climbing community. Particularly Gene and Maura Kistler and Kenny Parker who've been doing this since the beginning. Literally over twenty years of making the New a better place to live and climb.

One thing I did manage to get done recently is to bolt two new lines at the Meadow. This beautiful white wall has somehow managed to remain untouched though I know many have thought about it. For those that are familiar, the two lines I bolted are just left of Matt Fanning's project Phone Home which is itself a brilliant looking line that still awaits a redpoint. The two to the left will be equally as classic and I can't wait to chalk the holds this weekend. The middle line is for Colinator. Probably in the 12b to 12d range. The left line looks a bit more difficult and may be in the 13a to c range. Can't wait!

Parting shot: Here is Elissa ending her 8 year reign as a full vegeterian. For health reasons she decided to start eating meat. She dabbled with fish a little and succeeded then moved up to a single bite of bacon.

And here she is trying not to throw up. It didn't take. Maybe next time Colley!

My Wife could Beat up your Honor Student

2010-09-08T10:17:00.000-07:00

It's six A.M. and while you lazy maggots are rolling over in bed for a little more shuteye the Colinator is chugging back some coffee. She's just 30 minutes away from doing battle with a bunch of noseyparker middle school kids. She forces math down their unwillingly throats until 3:30 at which point most of us would probably drive home and put a gun to our head or at the very least drown our sorrows in red wine and lavender bubble baths.

Not Elissa, nope she has just begun. She stays at school grading papers until 5:30 then hussles straight over to the gym for Cross-Fit where she pumps iron and shames the men at pull-up contests. She finally comes home around 7:00, pushes me around a bit, cooks up a healthy meal as I beg for pizza, hops in for a quick shower and passes out cold only to wake up 8 hours later to do it all again.

You'd think that she would at least tire out every now and then, and it's true she only goes to Cross-Fit Mon. Tues. Thurs. and Fri. Wednesday she leaves school as early as possible then hussles down to the crag to crush 5.13's in all the weak sauce climbers' faces. Yup, Saturday and Sunday too. Which means...she never rests. Never.

Recently I think Elissa has gotten more psyched for training for climbing than actually climbing. Last Memorial Day Weekend while you were all stuffing hamburgers, hot dogs, and Bud Light down your face holes Elissa was killing it at the Cross-Fit competition down in Charleston, West Virginia. Jumping rope and pumping iron! That's right, while I was out sport climbing with the boys and acting tough she was going head to head with this guy!

She came home complaining about how her back hurt, not only from all the Clean and Jerks, but from dropping a 75 pound barbell into the small of her back. I shrugged it off cause she's usually sore from something until she casually mentioned that it hurt worse than when she shattered her arm in a million places. Not much more than a peep from Elissa though. Nails. Hard as nails.

All these pictures were published in the Charleston Gazette on Monday. Way to kill it Colley! I'm so proud! And hey, a word of advice to all you rednecks out there. Next time you think about smacking your wife around... put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Don't even think about it!

I know what it feels like to live in fear. Did I remember to put the trash out? Oh God, I hope so. I better go check just to make sure.

Looking for Trouble

2010-09-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

'Pee Wee's Big Adventure' opens with an amazing sequence of events taking place as Pee Wee wakes up and begins his day. A myriad of Rube Goldberg machines work in sync to crack his eggs, make his toast (which is flown in via wooden pterodactyl), and help him brush his teeth, at which point he foams at the mouth and growls "Mad Dog! grrr". I love this sequence. But he's having such a good time just getting up in the morning that he does not heed the advice which is received from his fortune telling machine. It spits out his daily fortune: "Don't leave the house today" and Pee Wee promptly scoffs at the warning and heads out, thus beginning his 'Big Adventure'.

My warning came a little later in the day than Pee Wee's but just like Pee Wee I scoffed and continued toward my 'big adventure'. I've recently gotten pretty psyched on the Orange Wall at the Meadow River which also happens to be the most remote crag in the region despite the fact that if you have a 4wd vehicle the walking approach takes about 5 minutes. If you don't it's a bit more complex and of course I don't. I left the house with two goals in mind. Check out a new crag Dan Brayack has been developing called the "high density feed lot" and make it down to Orange Wall to rap down two bolted projects.

Max had never been out to the Southside of the Meadow before and this was his inaugural mission. He performed flawlessly at the river crossing and soon enough I was bushwhacking in search of the 'high density feed lot'. A handful of routes looked good but as I walked the base of the crag with my eyes upward as usual I almost stepped on this fella right here. He was a grumpy little dude.

I figure, statistically, that the longer you live the greater chance you have of dying unexpectedly. And one of my favorite songs tells me as much with the lyric: "This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time." You can do a lot to prolong life and avoid risk but I think it really comes down to luck sometimes. Imagine that you start each day with a full glass of "luck". You can walk carefully through each day making sure to not spill a single drop of the luck out or you can stumble (as most people do) through life spilling luck from the glass in large torrents or even dropping the glass entirely and watching the last drop of luck sink into the ground.

All I'm getting at here is that when you almost step on a Copperhead you should start treading lightly to ensure you hold on to that last half glass of luck that you started with. Pee Wee and I could both tell you that hindsight is 20/20.

So we left the feedlot and Max charged headlong down the narrow dirt road that leads to the Orange Wall. We both cringed everytime the West Virginia rainforest reached out and clawed at Max's sturdy flanks. Lilah rode shotgun and sniffed vigorously at the outside air. Max made it as far as Hedricks Creek and called it quits. The road is too rough past there. So I jumped on the mountain bike and we hauled ass down the dirt road. Me coasting as fast as possible and Lilah running behind me at 1/2 throttle. We got to the trail head, dropped the bike and headed up hill.

I eyeballed the projects to be rappelled, noted some landmarks to look for, and headed right along the cliff band looking to gain top access. Of course, it was 10 times as far as I though it would be before finding a sketchy top approach. I jumped to a tree limb and hauled my ass over a log then scrambled up pine-needle and rhododendron covered fourth-class to the ridge line above Orange Wall.

I tied off to a sturdy pine, hooked my grigri to the line and eased over the edge of the overhanging 140 foot cliff. As is always the case when things go wrong a string of events usually leads up to the predicament and one of those events happened before I left the house. I was packing my bag and decided quickly to grab the harness I use for guiding instead of my normal climbing harness. I thought it would be more comfortable to hang in and brush holds, etc. Clipped to my harness was the grigri I use for guiding, not the one I use for climbing but I figured that for a rappell mission it would be sufficient.

So I ease over the side of the cliff and my grigri is not locking on the rope. It's sliding down the rope much like an atc would but grigri's are not supposed to do this. I quickly rap my brake strand around my leg and chill for a minute. I start doing some rough calculations: Grigri is 7 years old, I guide (conservative estimate) 50 full days a year, everytime I belay a goober on Easily Flakey two hundred feet passes through it, I do this about 10 times a day, lets see....this grigri has passed about 700,000 feet of rope through it. And that's just guiding. All the time it saw climbing as well...maybe another 300,000 feet?

So if you're wondering when you should retire your grigri, the answer is: well before a million feet of rope passes through it.

But that doesn't help me much right now cause I sure as hell aren't going to go any further down. So I hook my jumar on and start chugging upward. Lilah is wondering what the crap I am doing. She's staring up at me from a hundred or so feet below, still a bit peaved she couldn't summit due to the fourth-class nonsense.

I get back to the top and I'm getting really faint from the heat on the wall. I may not have mentioned that the wall is baking in the sun and it's in the 90's this day. Super heinous. Which makes me not want to hike back down because rappelling straight down will put me at my waterbottle in two shakes of a lamb's tail. I decide to go for a double rope rappell on the atc and pull my rope from the bottom. At the time I didn't realize how tall this cliff was so as I ease over the edge I can see the tail ends of my ropes tickling the tree tops. No bueno. much too short. The hanging belay anchor for Due Date is within reach but as I'm going for it I realize that no one knows where I am, I'm quickly dehydrating and getting dizzy, and my rope is running through a tangled web of sharp boulders up top. If I go to pull my rope and it gets stuck I'm done for, only to be found days later hanging in the middle of a cliff, baked to a crisp, being picked apart by vultures. So back up the line we go, shimmying up a double line with an atc. I resign myself to pulling up the rope and hiking off and it does in fact get stuck in the boulders so I fix one end and rap off, again on the slick ass grigri, unstick it, jug up and flop onto the summit feeling like I just sucked down a nitrous balloon at a Phish concert. I packed up my shit and cut myself to pieces hiking through the greenbrier on the way back down, missed the gully, and had to do a nasty double rope jungle rappell back to planet earth where Lilah was waiting patiently for me to pour her a drink. I have no idea what those projects are like. Lilah was eager to get back to the AC and I was easily talked into it.

Two days after that we went back out again. This time more properly armed. Lilah and I borrowed Gus (Elissa's CRV), remembered to take the good grigri, and our good friends Kirk(the dogfather) Bjorling and John (Gayveritte) Averitte joined us. A party of three is perfect at the Orange Wall. Two people can be crushing rigs while the third is rapping lines and looking for new stuff. Kirk was psyched to be the explorer this day so he started hiking around looking for potential. John and I started climbing and had a great day just climbing for fun. I warmed up on the cleverly named 'Geneius' (named for Gene Kistler's uncanny ability to have his hand in more cookie jars than the world has cookies) and then fired 'Territorial Pissings' which may be the definitive New River route. I'm saying that this is the best 12a in the region and it may just be the best route of any grade in the region. If someone was going to climb just one route at the New and wanted to be awed, I would say: go climb 'Territorial Pissings'.

This route is located on the far left end of the Orange Wall which is considered the Orange Wall proper. 4 routes ascend this section of wall and they are all of the finest quality. They are all mixed face climbs with a smattering of bolts and some interesting steep face climbing on unbelievable pockets, horizontals, and edges. Kirk rapped a potential new line on the route and proclaimed it to not go. He found another one around the corner and started bolting. I did another cool 12a sport route then John and I headed to the right side so I could get on the project. I climbed some choss, eventually pulled through the big roof, and found myself plastered in a holdless stem corner. I bailed and might not get back on this one. We finished with a 100 foot Obedesque adventure up a flawless wall of golden stone called 'Slapping the Curmudgeon'. We drank Dortmunder Gold's as the setting sun and the high alcohol content transformed the wall into a more beautiful creature with each passing minute.

Two days later we returned with the posse:

From left to right:

Eddie (Jumbo Hoss) Avallone

Rachel (Twin Cannons) Melville

Kirk (Static K) Bjorling

Lilah (Beast of Burden) Colley and

Elissa (Colley Lama) Williams

This time we had a party of five and so I began with a failed bushwhack in search of a buttress I saw across the river from the top of the curmudgeon. Then I hiked up to meet the crew. Kirk got on his new project that he bolted and what he thought was 11d is much harder. So far no one has been able to do the move. I'd been eyeballing this completely blank orange sheet of glass between 'tatanka' and 'territiorial pissings' that appeared to have some bullet hole monos in it. Eddie said he'd swung over from another anchor at one point and found a sinker pocket. That was all the motivation I needed to hike up top and rap down it. The upper section all looked good but the lower section looked hideous. Just a couple of shallow monos and slots. But it definitely had potential so after some deliberation we decided where to put the bolts. We only brought 4 with the intent of adding one to the start of 'Rock Jihad' to make that safer and possibly one up high in the retardedly runout section. With Kenny's approval of course.

So we only had two bolts. I fired em in, jugged the line, made sure the top would be safe on gear, and fired it. This route is very, very, cool. There are only a couple lines I've established that I'm truly just blown away by and very proud of. This is definitely one of them.

It starts out with a few techy powerful moves on somewhat suspect edges. The only poor rock on the route. Then goes into some big huecos. At the top of the huecos is the blank section. You reach up high and in the middle is a perfectly round hole that accepts one finger all the way to the hilt. Unbelievable.

One pull off the mono and you gain some small edges then stem left to a sinker three finger and the crux.

From the three finger sinker you reach high to a shallow three finger dish paste your left toe in a shallow mono pod and step up high to a 1/2 pad left hand mono divot. Yard on the divot, hike a high right foot, and huck meat for the ledge. Then it's some adventurous 5.11 with one 12a section over a not perfect TCU. I'm going to go back and add a bolt for the upper crux. It's not fair to the onsight climber. I had the advantage of scouting the holds on rappel. I also finished up and left to the 'tatanka' anchor but a straighter line goes to the top. I'll add an anchor as well. This is truly a world class route on flawless stone. The holds seem to have been drilled but I promise they are entirely natural!

There is nothing more satisfying than showing up at a cliff, spying a blank piece of rock, and then slowly watching a route materialize throughout the day. It's like it creates itself or, more accurately, reveals itself. And the ultimate is being able to watch that entire transformation occur in the span of a few hours. And the best part of this experience was that I didn't go looking for it. I spend so many days hiking around, engaged in epic bushwhacks and rapping potential routes that would go except for one blank section. Most of the time when I go looking for trouble I find it. But this day was different. I headed up with the intent of spending a beautiful day with good friends and was rewarded with a gift: an immaculate four star classic.

It's definitely worth checking out if you're interested. The grade is 5.12+ and it's called 'Rhymes with Orange'. Take a standard rack up to a #3 Camalot. What rhymes with orange? Nothing really. This route stands alone just like every route. A completely singular sequence unlike any I've ever done before. It's what keeps climbing fresh you know? Wouldn't it be boring if they were all the same?

Lilahsfurcladadventures.dogspot.com

2010-08-31T14:01:00.000-07:00

I'm in. This blog is mine now sucker. What kind of loser sets his password as 'Sharmaisgod'. Nailed it onsight.

First off, what idiot designed this keyboard? Spacebar is freaking killing me. I'd shag a cat for a couple of opposable thumbs about now.

Since I've never been allowed to post before I'll start back as far as my dog brain can go. All the way back to....that's right, when these jokers left me at home for five weeks so they could go traipsing around Europe.

Oh yeah, I knew all about the trip. I saw them planning and packing and the whole time I'm thinking to myself, "This is gonna be bawse!" I was a little worried about the flight so I scored a couple of Qualudes at the club the other night. I'm thinking I pop a few of them mofos and when I wake up "Boom! Where my chiens at!" I was super amped when I heard we were going to France. The crags in France are a dog's dream. Doo doo snacks under every rock! But I let my guard down and those A-holes left me. I was pissed but fortunately my Dogfather Kirk and his main squeeze Krystaaaal came over to party. Kirk took me to work everyday. I was the mascot for New River Mountain guide's kids summer camp. Kickin' it at the crag everyday, ya know what I'm sayin'? Keepin' it real.

I was just settling in to life with my new rents when these two jokers roll back in thinkin' they own the place. I'll hold a grudge man, and I did. Especially cause as soon as they got back, life came to a crashing halt. Days at the crag turned into days on the couch. Super lame. Mama C went pretty much right back to teaching snot nose brats and M-Dub started clacking away at this here keypad. For days. Apparently he started some new job as 'editor-in-chief' at Deadpointmag.com. And believe me he will not let me forget it. I think it's gone to his head. Check this out, you're going to love this:

Ok, Ok, so the other day I'm sleeping on the couch as usual right. It's just me and M-Dub in the house. I hear real faint off in the distance "editor in chief....editor in chief....editor in chief" At first I think I'm dreaming but I'm wide awake now and for sure it's M-Dub whispering it or something. So I real stealth like slip off the couch, creep over, and stick my head around the door. Ok, Ok, seriously, the dude is standing in the bathroom with his shirt off. He's staring at himself in the mirror, flexing his muscles, saying "yeah, Editor in Chief" Dude, I am dying inside. I'm doing everything I can to not bust out laughing cause this is too good. Then, seriously, OK, seriously, he drops his arms down in like some girly pose and puts on some seductive secretary voice and he's like "Mr. Editor in Chief, here's those faxes you asked for. Would you like any more coff...." But right then he sees me staring at him and I lose it. I'm laughing so hard I can't even breath and he slams the door and I can hear him in there sobbing like a little girl. Bwaaahhhahaaa! Dude, what a loser! Can you even believe that!

So this goes on for days, the whole typing thing and he's always bitching about being busy when all he really does is update his Facebook status and reread his 8a.nu scorecard for the millionth time. So one day the phone rings, right? I can here it's Dave Pegg from Wolverine Publishing on the line cause my ears be light years ahead of ya'lls. I immediately start listening in cause I know Bel and Dee Dee are over there and I'm wondering if they're going to give me a shout out. I love Dee Dee. I mean we spent time together man. We ran in front of cars at the Project Wall, we dirted up rope bags in the Arsenal, we tried to steal sandwiches at the Wasteland so we could eat em up and then poop em out at the base of the routes. I mean I'm a dog right? So you know, I got ho's in different area codes, you know what I'm sayin'? But Dee Dee is my bottom bitch. Paws down.

Anyway, Pegg gets down to business and he's like " We gotta get this Ipod app thing on the move." I can tell M-Dub is looking a little overwhelmed cause that's gonna seriously cut into his Facebook time but he's in. I'm thinking I'm screwed. Another week in the house right. You could not be further from the truth. Pegg starts talking about getting GPS coordinates for every crag in the gorge. M-Dub is like "Dude, that is a lot of hiking" My ears perk up cause I love hiking. "By the end of the month? I don't know Dave that might be pushing it but I'll try." I glance at the calendar and that's like ten days away. Baller! We gonna be getting our hike on.

So the next day we hit the proverbial dusty trail which in West Virginia is more like soggy moss and mud. Some of the best days of my life. Let me tell you just a few of the adventures I had. First day we hike all of Bubba City from Rubble Rock to Cat Cliff, all of Endless, all of Beauty, half of Fern Butt, and all of Kaymoor. Money. The perfect day. A couple things happened that day. First I stopped to swim in Fern Creek and M-Dub was down in the water too. He's trying to point at something in the water but all I see is my own reflection. Turns out there is a lobster-sized crawdad down there but I can't see it. Apparently M-Dub sees all this go down. I'm in the water up to my chest so I can drink without moving my neck cause that's what I like. I'm standing there minding my own business and this crawdad walks straight over to my leg and tries to take a chunk out of my paw with his claw-piece. Dude, I jumped straight out of the water a mile high and ran to the shore. I was scared to death and shaking worse than the last time I shit peach pits. But such is a dog's life and we headed on down the mossy trail.

We're strolling along now at a steady clip and I come upon a girl squatted down right next to the trail. I point her out and M-Dub looks embarassed cause she's dropping a deuce right there! No big deal for me. I'm thinking snack time!

Right after that I stir up a yellow jackets nest cause that's what I like to do. I get stung a bunch and it's no big deal but M-Dub is a total sissy about bees. He goes tearing through the woods screaming "They're on me, Macauly Culkin, My Girl, Call 911!" Unfortunately, he didn't get stung at all.

It's starting to roll up towards evening time now and as the lights go down my fellow woodland creatures stir to life. Out around Sunset Point we're real quiet like getting a coordinate for Keeney's Buttress and a trio of young Bucks walk into the clearing. All three are just younguns with some fuzzy racks. I crouch down real low cause I know I'm about to get my chase on. Then boom! It's on. I feel the wild beast in me come forth and instinct takes over. Two bucks break one way and I single out the indivdual from the herd and follow him. M-Dub can hear my howls far off into the distance of the West Virginia wilderness. I chased that deer until we were both blue in the face. I wonder what I would do if I ever caught one?

And that was just the first day! Yesterday we hiked a bunch up around the Gauley River and Summersville Lake. We went and checked out Carnifex Ferry and some toothless old timer stopped to tell us about his guard dog. He said if we went near his house when his wife wasn't home we'd be cool but if she was in there it'd bite us. I kept pulling at the leash cause dude was weird. But M-Dub seems to get off on these types of interactions with real-deal hillbillies.

After that epic hike we made our way out to Gauley Crag. In the parking lot were two people. A parapalegic lying down on a chaise lounge and some lady with a note pad giving him some kind of hypno therapy or something. Dude, this place is weird sometimes. It was 90 something degrees that day and it was killing me. My tongue was dragging the ground I was so hot. M-Dub spent the whole day bitching about the heat and I'm like "bro, your tongue is in your mouth. What do you expect."

So later on we hike out to the Lake and I run into one of my boys, Rupert P Dogface. He's a boxer like me so we played a bit and then I headed down to the Circus Wall. The heat had finally taken its toll and I was feeling it. Out there around Circus Wall I found this sweeeeet mud hole that smelled like feces. Mmmmm. Needless to say, I got all up in it. I rolled on my back and made sure that the doo doo mud was all over my belly and back and on my face. I ran over to M-Dub to show him how pretty I was and how good I smelled and he yelled at me as usual. Man, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince had it right. Parent just don't understand.

So a bit later M-Dub's like "Hey Lilah, you want to go get a drink?" I'm like "Hell yeah I want a drink. I'm freaking parched as a mofo." So we wander down to the lake and M-Dub is like "Oh wow, this water is so cool and refreshing and he's splashing his hands in it but something aint right. I'm a dog you know and I can sense when something is up. I cock my head and shy back a bit but he grabs me up and throws me as far into the lake as he can. I'm airborne bro and I have time to mutter "What the F...!" before I hit that water like a fat kid off the high dive. Skadoosh! Then he jumps in after me and starts dunking my head like a bully at the park pool. I get to wrastlin back but it's no good man. He won. I ended up cleaner than a frog's armpit. I didn't even smell like doo doo anymore. Man....

Here we are today at the Meadow. We hiked the lower Meadow down to sunkist wall where we found this jumbo hornets nest. Apparently, Parker threw a rock at it the other day and tried to knock it down but they just built it back stronger. Tenacious little devils.

I was totally game for knocking their nest down and eating their babies but again, M-Dub is a total sis. I can tell he's having 'My Girl' flashbacks again so I let it be. We hike down to the river and find a crossing.

You have got to be kidding me? Now I'm the sissy. I'm seeing consequence bro.

But I don't live my life in fear. I ain't skeered. Come on, get psyched and....Gap it!

We're on to the other side and M-Dub starts talking about 'projects' again. I am so tired of 'mega proj' this and 'mega proj' that. I swear if he says it one more time I'll lunge for his juggy and latch on with my canines. This rock all looks the same to me. Just another roof blocking my good sun.

I found this graffitti and started laughing my ass off. M-Dub scolded me like he didn't think it was funny. Lighten up bro. And make sure you wear a 'Trojen' Ha! I swear us dogs are smarter than the rednecks around here.

We hit Hedricks Creek and then blasted back across the river and hiked out. Hey, just for the record I am not afraid of turtles. M-Dub will tell you I'm scared to death and will give a wide berth to avoid them. Whatever man, I just respect them that's all. And they smell weird. And they have sharp beaks. And OK their shells kind of stab into my psyche for some reason but I aint skeered though. No way.

Time to sleep.
Do not disturb...unless you're filling my bowl with some Lamb and Rice. Gotta rest up for tomorrow. I never know what we'll be getting into.

Peace out bitches! And I mean that in the most scientific way.

Europe can Liechtenstein my nuts

2010-08-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

We're back. What a trip. Visiting Europe was amazing but being home again makes me realize just how good we have it here in beatiful West Virginia. I learned some valuable lessons over there and thought that I should write down a few tips for Euro travel.

Note the picture. Does anyone remember what that thing is? That's right, it's a Betamax recorder. If you were around in the 80's you may have even owned one before you got your VHS player. This one happens to be clad in a substance that I can only assume is iron. Yes, in the future when you see this picture you will know that the blog post you are about to read features: IRONCLAD BETA.

Lets begin with ironclad beta on what to pack for a long Euro camping trip. I realize you are smart people and you know to take things like a good tent, sleeping bags, etc. so I will only suggest two items that you may not have thought of.

Camp stove. Here's the deal. The camp stoves you buy in America run mostly on white gas which is widely unavailable in Europe. Propane stoves bought in America have a fitting that will not accept the propane/butane cartridges sold overseas. One option would be to take a Whisperlite International which will run on unleaded, diesel, or just about anything you put in it. Maybe even Jack Daniels. But you end up with clogged fuel lines, nasty fumes, and they cost a hundo. We opted to just buy a Campingaz campstove like this one when we got there. It was easy to find, fuel was easily obtained and it cost about 40 dollars. You can borrow ours if you're heading over. We also bought cheap plastic plates, bowls, mugs, french press for coffee, etc. That stuff was super cheap and we left it at a campground with a FREE sign on it.

Power: In todays world you'll likely be taking about 10 different appliances that need to be charged up. Laptop, camera, video camera, Ipod, cell phone...and all that stuff has it's own power cord. We ended up with an entire bag devoted to cords. The 'bag of cords' we called it. We took a 12v car inverter that was about the size of a paperback copy of Stephen King's 'The Stand'. Everytime we got in the car we'd charge something up as we drove to our destination. Never did we have to worry about oddly shaped plugs, running 220 into a 110 device, or finding plugs to begin with. This is certainly IRONCLAD BETA. And take a laptop. Most cities have free wireless in their town square.

Camping:

Camping in Europe is fully busted. How much would you pay to pitch your tent between the dark blue tent and the trashcan? How's 30 dollars a night sound? How 'bout 50? Seriously it is ridiculous. But 'wild' camping, as they call it, is frowned upon and usually well posted with 'no camping' signs. And you can't claim you couldn't understand cause it's a little picture of a tent with an X over it. I say go for it anyway. Hike your stuff up to the crag and camp under the sicky overhang at the base of your gnarly project. What are they gonna do if you get busted? Fine you? Well, since we paid about 500 dollars to camp in Europe for a month I figure we got fined anyway. Renegade camping is the way to go. At Ceuse the camping was much more reasonable but everywhere else not so much. Of course you could always just stay at my friend Fred's house. Fred Nicole, maybe you've heard of him?

Johny Utah: "They're traveling on the money, going where the waves are.

Angelo Papas: "That's right, the Ex-presidents, rip off banks to finance their endless summa'!

If there's one thing I've learned in this life, it's to NEVER doubt the knowledge that can be gleaned by watching the movie Point Break just one more time. And what's that between Reagan and Carter? Looks like an IRONCLAD BETA recorder to me. The ex-presidents have got it together. You go where the waves are. And similarly if you get to your destination and it happens to be the heat wave, snowstorm, or flood of the century don't be afraid to leave. Especially if it's a 50 year storm!

So there you are wondering where to go next. Hmmm. What possible resource could I use to find my next premier destination? Two words:

JENS LARRSEN

If forced to choose between actually climbing or never logging into 8a again......Sophies choice man. I don't even like to think about it.

8a.nu is amazing. I recently started using the 'ticklist' search function. Type in the name of the crag you want to visit or the name of the crag you're at and it brings up a google map with nearby crags flagged on it. Drag your cursor over the flag and click it. It brings up the name of the crag, a chart showing which month of the year it receives the most ascents (which gives you a good idea of the prime season) and an ordered list of the most ascended routes. These routes are of all grades so you know immediately which routes are the best. 'Best' meaning: high quality or soft for the grade. So if you're looking to go to Switzerland and you type in Voralpse it will show you all the other nearby crags as well. You can pan out a bit if you're looking to travel a bit further. Pan out more and you've got all of Europe with all the tiny flags of every climbing area. Amazing. Then once you pick an area and you're looking at all the routes that have been 'ticked' at an area it will tell you how many ascents of each route. Click on the name of a route and it brings up everyone that has sent it and the comment they made on it. If the route has only been climbed twice by Dani Andrada and Dave Graham and one of the comments is "Hard! a true fight to the finish" it's probably best to pick another. If 20 people have done it and said "so classic! so soft for 7c!" BOOM onsight effort! This will all be in my tactics book but that is a ways off and this information needs to be shared immediately. Just another way that 8a has shaped my life as well as sculpted my guns.

I don't want a large Farva, I want a liter of beer

2010-08-02T11:40:00.000-07:00

We left the B+B at Voralp and headed for Austria. On the way there we passed through the tiny country of Liechtenstein. Click here for some interesting facts including some tips for money laundering. We had no guidebook for Burs but we didn't need one. This crag is totally plush. They have painted name plates with name, grade, and cute picture at the base of the routes as well as a kiosk with a full topo at the crag. Nice. It's also carpeted. Yes, the crag is carpeted. They carried a bunch of quality persian rugs up there and laid em out. Due to the severely overhanging nature of the routes we were able to camp on the rugs and stay out of the rain. A really ideal set up. Oh, we also found out when we got there that this was the same crag that the video of Beat was shot at. Interestingly though, the rock he is climbing in the video is not at all like the conglomerate in the canyon just upstream where we climbed despite the fact that they are a few hundred meters apart.

Here's a picture of Elissa tidying up the house. We climbed two days at Burs and I really liked it. Elissa not so much. She doesn't like the pockets, they hurt her sausage fingers. With only two days to climb we didn't project anything. Just onsighting. I was able to onsight 4 7c's which for me is really exciting. After two days of pocket pulling we were ready for a rest day and a new crag. The sky was blue so we headed back to Switzerland. We ended up in Interlaken which is home to the famous trio of the Monch, Jugfrau, and Eiger.

Interlaken and the surrounding area is a major tourist destination. Tons of people and kind of a headache despite the amazing surroundings. We got a guidebook and decided to camp and then hit up a crag called Lehn the next morning. We went to one campground and they wanted to charge us 46 dollars to camp on the ground. You have to be kidding me? No way. So we went to another one. Same deal. That is just crazy to ask for 50 bucks to camp on the ground for one night, even if it is right at the base of the crag we wanted to climb at. So we hopped back in the car and drove, starving, through a driving rain storm for about 2 hours. We burned about 10 dollars in gas then finally found a campground that was only 30 dollars. We pitched the tent in the rain, scarfed back some dinner, and passed out, unshowered, to the sound of fireworks that were blasting off in celebration of their stupid national holiday. The next day we drove back to Lehn, about 10 dollars in gas, right past the 50 dollar campground to the crag. Elissa fails to see the logic in why this was the right thing to do. Oh, young, naive Elissa. You have much to learn about the ways of the world.

Lehn was a very cool crag. We warmed up on a sweet 7a and then boom! with a single clap of thunder the climbing portion of our trip was over. That's it. Our last climbing day. We got rained out. So we came back to the campground, fired off some internet and a liter of beer and tomorrow we head to Geneva. Done. We fly out early morning the day after tomorrow. Geneva to Amsterdam for a little drug rave then 8 hours of discomfort before we land in the paradise of Detroit, America. Smooth sailing from there. Supposedly we have someone picking us up at the airport in Baltimore but I'm not even sure about that. Aunt Sandy is pretty flighty. You know how those Keene girls are.

Austria

2010-08-02T10:08:00.000-07:00

G'day mate! Long story short...we got rained on and I'd erd that the rock was always dry in Austria. So we head across the border and I come up on some bloke and I'm like "Oy, mate. Where can I find some dry rock around 'ere." And he gives me this blank look like 'es a frenchman or sumthin'. I start gettin' annoyed and I get in 'is face and I says "OY, are you 'earin me? I'm lookin' fer dry rock...Araps, Gramps, Blueyes.....? Any of this ringin' a bell?" And he pulls out some little Swiss folding knife jobber and threatens me with it and I says to 'im "That's not a knife...this is a knife." as I pull out me bowie.

So the first part is true. When it rains in Switzerland it makes West Virginia look like the Sahara desert. We got a room at the B+B up in these sweet swiss alps overlooking the crag of Voralpse. If you're not familiar with the Stephen King story 'the Shining' then this place comes highly recommended. We were the only guests at the place so it was a little weird but they still had the restaurant open and it was amazing food. German food is upretentious. They take a piece of veal for me, Shnitzel, and bam! throw it in the deep fryer. Delicious. They even offered a vegeterian option for Elissa which is rare in German country.

This is me telling a swiss cow what I ate for dinner last night.

This one is for you Parker...Hilti headquarters.

That same day we had a tentpole stick clip epic getting Elissa's draws off Paradigma. Then we blasted out for Austria. We heard from some locals that this place in Austria called Burs was always dry. Conglomerate rock which made us wonder about the quality but dry is good so we split.

The locals are pretty jacked. Elissa loved Austria for some reason. She kept getting distracted and for some reason she wouldn't pay any attention to me.

No bother though, I found a little love interest of my own. I told you I am an art lover. More on Austria after dinner.....

Just Beat it

2010-07-29T03:52:00.000-07:00

It has been raining like crazy here in Switzerland. Voralpsee has a reputation for being the driest crag in the country and it has huge waterstreaks coming down it as of this morning. Bummer.

But yesterday we got to spend the day at the crag with one of the worlds all-time greatest climbers. Beat Kammerlander. Beat is to face climbing what Gullich is to mono pulling. Getting to talk to him and watching him climb was a real treat. We got to watch him climb on a route he established quite a few years ago: Speed 5.14c. He was climbing with Ivo Ninov who we had run into in Briancon a couple of weeks ago. Ivo told me that about 15 years ago Beat had free soloed Mordillo 5.13c at Voralpsee. At the time it was the hardest free solo in the world and for the style of climbing it still may be. I tried this route and I can assure you....I would much rather solo something with holds. It is completely insecure, powerful, and without a moment to gather your wits. What an awesome opportunity to be able to hang out with one of my heroes, the face climbing guru, at one of the best face climbing arenas in the world.

Check out this video. This guy is the real deal. I especially like the intro. He may actually be a Jedi knight....I'm not sure.

So we're not really sure what to do now. We're holed up in a coffee shop watching it rain with our rope stashed at the cliff. Elissa has a few draws up in the waterstreak. We may have to get a room and just wait. Elissa is still working on Paradigma but has two split tips and they are deep. Beat showed her how to tape them in a really secure way so the tape won't slide. Tomorrow? We'll see what the weather does.

I got a pocket full of Euros and my homeboys do too

2010-07-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

We got mad monopoly money up in this piece.

So I finally, by the skin of my teeth, sent Loups Hurlants. I let out a 'Wolf Howl' at the top just to let the Frenchies know I could understand a bit of their garbled nonsense. It was a classic redpoint epic story. I fell 4 times from the final 5.8 move. The pressure was on and my last try of the day I pulled it together and sent. We pulled the rope, hiked out, and drove for Switzerland. We spent the night in Italy and the better part of the next day as well.

This is my queen in her castle.

Culture shock happens fast around here. As soon as you cross the border into Italy the people get different. Very different. It's kind of like living in a TV commercial for Pasta Sauce. We stopped at this pizza place and it was nuts in there. No more snobby and reserved French. These people are LOUD! Man, they bring the whole family. Tables of 10 were common. Kids, parents, granparents....And they are all talking at once. Hey Italy, Howa boutya trya to enda worda withouta vowela? You can't do it can you? And a further challenge...try to do it without moving your arms. Now you're really struggling. The Italians are boisterous and super friendly. The campground we stayed in was just as crazy. The whole country feels like a big family. Lots of talking, all at once. And very fashionable.

Then the next day we crossed into Switzerland. Instant change of pace. Switzerland is beautiful. So very green. It's kind of like Oregon or Maine but with huge mountains, tons of moss, big waterfalls, castles. We are staying at this campground in Werdenburg. "The smallest city in Switzerland" is their claim to fame. This is Werdenburg. We are actually across the lake in Grabs. So the people here are totally different. We pull into the campground and it's silent. Husbands and wives are eating their meals in silence. They sit across from each other and everything is perfect and clean and organized. Like OCD organized. We saw a couple make the bed in their camper van and they were turning down the corners perfectly and eliminating any creases. It's militaristic cleanliness. Very strange. But the people are very friendly. I asked a guy where I could find wireless internet and he just gave me the password for the hotel for free. Just before that I went to buy some earplugs.....OK, here's why. They love clocks apparently. They have this bell tower that chimes loudly every 15 minutes. And on the hour it chimes the number of the hour. Not too bad right? OK, at 9:00 pm it chimes for 5 minutes straight. We timed it. 5 minutes is a long time. Still quite charming right? Well it does it again at 6:00 am. Not very charming. We think this is their way of marking the beginning and end of the day for the farmers in the hills that may not operate on real time. Maybe. Point of the story is, the guy gave me the earplugs for free and said with a smile "welcome to Switzerland."

The reason we came here is to climb at a crag called Voralpsee. I think this picture of Elissa pointing at the crag is funny. We travel half way around the world, then we drive for hours through the mountains passing miles of cliffline. Cliffs are everywhere. Then we hike in to this tiny chunk of rock that is unlike anything else in the known universe. It is a truly unique little rock with amazing routes. about 15 amazing routes. The cows on the hike in are cool. The big ones have cow bells that ring all day. You can hear them from the crag just ringing around eating grass. Happy as a swiss cow. I think chocolate milk actually flows freely from their teets.

Here's two views of the crag. The cliff is 30 meters tall and overhangs about 15 degrees. Very pumpy and very technical. Check out this hold. Does it get more perfect than that? I was able to onsight the classic 7c Paradigma and it really was one of the coolest climbing experiences of my life. I don't want to sound like some hippy stoner freak but it was pretty trancelike. Just floating up this face on tiny edges with no contact with the earth other than the tips of your toes and fingers. And no one else is around, with this crazy green forest and lake behind you. And in the background you can hear the cow bells creating this hypnotic, offbeat techno music. Totally trippy bro. After that I sampled Euphorie 14a and got spooked. It's super runout at the crux and working it made me a headcase. You take repeated 20 footers working the crux if you're brave. I took one and hauled up a log and log-clipped through. It wrecked my head though and so I tried an 8a, then a 8b, and then I had no skin left and could barely move my fingers and now we had to take a rest day instead of climbing two days in a row.

Elissa is faring much better than me. She is working Pardigma and has a 13a on deck as well called Lucy. I don't know what my tactics should be at this point. I could go all in and work the 14a and maybe come up empty or I could be conservative and do a couple 13a's and b's? Climbing.....what a mind meld.

VIA FERRATA EXTREME!

2010-07-23T04:03:00.000-07:00

Steep Limestone, Big Air, it's what we live for....

Recently, Elissa and I were fortunate enough to experience the ancient European tradition of Via Ferrata. For those of you that may not know, Via Ferrata directly translates to "Way of the Warrior" or alternately "Path of the Elders" or "Path of Enlightenment". In the middle ages Viking style Euros wold use these series of ladders and cables to climb to the summit of rocky precipices. It was believed that, as Indiana Jones says in part 3, "only the penitent will pass". This is why the Via Ferrata is so extreme. If the Euro gods do let you pass the 'summit' is attained and true spiritual enlightenment is awarded.

We set out to climb this 500 foot big wall around 6:00 pm in the hopes that we could be back before Euro dinner time around 10:00 pm. The path was arduous and the obstacles were many. Note in the first picture that Elissa's carabiner is left open to add to the Extremeness of the situation. Once established on the rock face we climbed without hesitation. Elissa was forced to use a desperate leg maneuver to reach the next handlebar. We hung from the cliff by nothing but steel cables and ladder rungs drilled into the sheer wall.

About 2/3rds of the way up the wall we crossed the trail that we use to get to the climbing cliff. I was tempted to abort our mission as I felt the conditions were a bit too Extreme. Elissa urged me forward and in the upper section I was faced with a horrifying moment where I had to do a one arm pull up on a rung in order to clip the next cable. A moment of electric terror flashed through my head as I realized that nothing was holding me to the cliff except a locking carabiner and a steel cable!

After overcoming the many difficulties and obstacles that the Via Ferrata dished out we were allowed passage and the summit was ours. The sense of accomplishment was poignant as was the feeling that we were now truly a part of this majestic mountain environment.

In climbing news: Elissa sent her rig. A really nice 13a called Directe du Couer. I must say though that if the means is more important than the end....well she failed. Firstly, after a mere 5 tries she fell at the crux and threw the second largest wobbler I have ever seen in my life. The first being her failed onsight attempt of Cool Cat at Indian Creek. This wobbler was completely unneccesary. As we all know 13a is hard and it should be expected that you will fall at least 5 times. But the true failure lurked just ahead.

The route climbs through a difficult 13a section for about 60 feet to a ledge. A ledge where you can just stand there. A no hands rest. Then you finish up a 2 bolt section that is maybe 5.11d to the anchor. Elissa sent the route to the ledge rested for a shockingly short amount of time and then blew it going for the anchor. This is by far the greatest redpoint blunder I have ever seen in my life. The second greatest redpoint blunder I have seen was Elissa's attempt at sending Espresso at Rifle last year. She had been skipping a clip on every attempt to save energy but on redpoint she 'felt so good' that she stopped to clip and then fell. This blunder far exceeded that one and will go down in history as possibly the greatest brain fart that has ever occurred in recorded mountaineering history. I have submitted my report to the American Alpine Journal and they are reviewing the material to see if this is actually the greatest blunder of all time. Elissa did manage to polish off the rig the next day though. Nice job Colley.

I was able to accomplish very little. I did flash Elissa's project which was satisfying and a suitable consequence for her blunder. I've been working on an 8a+ which is mad difficult. My hope was that I would send yesterday and we could move on but it was a toss up who would send first and Elissa beat me to it. So now I'm the anchor keeping us from moving on. My last effort was valiant though. Last go of the day yesterday I jumped on a little prematurely due to an impending rainstorm. I wasn't as well rested as I should have been but I had little hope of sending and the thunder was picking up so I went for it. I climbed quickly to the first shake and stopped but with little hope of sending I left the rest earlier than usual and sprinted to the next one. I was shocked to be less pumped when I entered the final shake than usual. I shook out a bit but a final clap from Thor's hammer urged me into the crux sequence. I dodged a lightning bolt and lunged for a 1/4 pad edge. My body sagged away from the rock but a huge gust of wind blew me back against the rock face for one more move. I pasted a high right foot and dynoed for a small finger bucket that marks the end of the crux section. I grabbed it but fatigue was setting in and, tragically, the next clip was a right hand clip. I was totally in the zone but Candace (my left arm, and the weaker of the two) refused to pull her own weight as Giuseppe (my right arm) clipped the second to last bolt. My hand slowly opened and I was off. I hit the end of the rope and realized that in a split second my hopes of dispatching Loups Hurlants would have to wait for another two days. Climbing is often heartbreaking.

What I did realize is that Loups Hurlants is better climbed as a sprint rather than a slow pump management route. It's interesting how much pacing affects performance on a route. I think really accomplished climbers have a good handle on this aspect.

I think we'll be leaving tomorrow for Switzerland. We're getting psyched to got this crag called Voralpsee. It's a gently overhanging wall of scrimps. The one seen in the movie Autoroute where Dave Graham crushes some 14c called Speed. Always wanted to climb on that wall and Elissa is salivating for some scrimpin'.

Still at Tournoux

2010-07-20T04:45:00.000-07:00

Our last rest day we walked around Briancon some then went to Italy for dinner. The first town we came to was called Oulx but it sounded too French so we kept driving. We got to Barronechia and that sounded Italian enough so we stopped for dinner. We walked around looking for a place to eat. No one would serve food until 7:00. No one. We checked many places and all would not serve food. You could get a drink but no food. Hmmm. I find this very interesting. We were not the only people looking to eat at 6:00. We saw quite a few folks searching around for some food yet unable to attain any. What are we Mogwai's? Do you think something terrible will happen if we eat before 7:00? So I had this brilliant idea to make millions of dollars. Move to Italy and open a restaurant that serves food all day. Right around 5:00 you'd be making bank. Entrepreneur....that sounds French. Maybe you guys should hop the border and open a restaurant.

The pizza was pretty good but it is finally confirmed. The best pizza in the world is in Fayetteville WV. They didn't even have Pork and Pepper on the menu!

We've kind of settled in at Tournoux. We made a camp just across from the cliff. It's about a ten minute hike in so we leave our tent there and our climbing gear up at the cliff. We came into town today to get groceries and then we'll haul in some more food. There is a fountain to get water just a short hike away.

Elissa sent her 7c project the other day and is now working on a sweet 13a. I sent a nice 8a and was able to pose down for this sweet picture. I was feeling pretty good so I hung my draws on an 8b+ and spent a good bit of time working it. I lost a lot of skin and a lot of power. I did all the moves and knew it would go down eventually but I'm just not strong enough to do it quickly on a short trip. I stripped my draws and hung em on another 8a+ called Loups Hurlant that is a bit harder than the other 8a+ I did. I'm worked though from all the dogging and am afraid that I may have dug myself into a hole in terms of being tired. We'll see tomorrow.

Colley will fire her project for sure.

She remarked that it is a bit manufactured. "This place is like Area 51" she said. We looked in the book to find that it in fact had been equipped by one Jean-Marc Stefenson.

We spent the morning trying to pay a parking ticket. We don't speak French so how were we supposed to know what 'payant' meant? We speak English. Totally unfair.

Ok so Wag of the Finger is gonna be pretty harsh today: FRENCH PEOPLE

You guys suck. There I said it. There is no sense in sugar-coating it anymore. I had heard the stereotypes of the French. Arrogant, ego-centric, rude, etc. My experience is that no matter where you go in the world people are friendly and kind regardless of the reputation. And further more especially climbers. No matter where climbers are from they are friendly and welcoming. Not the French. Let me try to explain with a few examples:

The car rental: This was our first experience. The French guy tried to rip us off, the Swiss girl was sweet and helpful.

The Swindler: This French guy swindled Elissa for 10 euros. He asked her for 11 euro, she gave him a 20 then was fishing around for a one and he distracted her then said don't worry about it and bam....swindled. I can overlook this, swindlers are everywhere. But he did tell us about this climbing area called Cassis. I asked "Is it good?" He responded, "Huff, (2 second pause), Huff, (2 second pause), Huff....Is it good? He was kind of joking but kind of not.

The aloof and egocentric:

This happens ALL the time. Imagine you are in the grocery store and walk up toward someone that is blocking the aisle while they look at food. In most places that person would politely step forward and let you pass. Not a chance. They stand there. And you stand there waiting, trying to get by. They completely ignore you. Completely. You feel invisible. It is so weird. Elissa one time tried to reach in front of someone to grab a bottle of wine off the shelf. The man put his arm out toward the shelf, blocked her, and kept his arm there until he had made his selection. All this without saying a word or making eye contact.

The French will walk down the middle of the street and not step to the side when you approach in a car. Seriously, it is crazy.

The crag couple:

We hiked up to the crag the other day and there was a couple there. Small crag, just them and us. We must have looked very stupid hiking up to the crag with big friendly smiles and saying "Bonjour!" "Hello!" We received blank stares. Face to face. Just standing there not looking at us but kind of through us. Completely ignoring our presence. So we spend all day with these people. Toward the end of the day I send a rig that we were all working on and strip my draws. I get to the ground and try to explain that "I'm sorry I took the draws down but I need them for something else....etc..." I'm using sign language and looking like a fool and this guy starts busting out perfect english! All day he knows how to speak english and just ignored us.

I could go on and on with examples like this. On and on. Nearly every experience has been like this. We wave at folks as we pass by and get the blank stare. Elissa noticed that the babies here will snub you. They won't smile at strangers. Neither will French dogs. In America dogs will walk up to you and greet you with a wag of the tail. French dogs ignore you. They sniff the ground and move on. It is weird. We went to Italy and the babies smiled at us and the dogs were friendly.

So I know what you are thinking: Their CULTURE is just different than ours. Well that is true. I can tolerate cultural difference. But there are certain things that transcend culture. The smile is universally accepted as a gesture of kindness throughout all cultures. And kindness has nothing to do with culture. We talked to some folks from Dublin the other day and the contrast was remarkable. They were smiley and happy and said "have a good day" when we parted. It made us feel good. The French woman the other day that finally decided to speak english was asking for beta on Elissa's project....Elissa gave it to her than I added "Oh, and you need a full 70 meter rope to lower." She just gave me a blank stare, turned, and walked away. What does that mean? I was just trying to make sure she didn't die. Oh well....

Tip of the Hat! Dogs

Although the dogs may be a bit snobby, they are allowed everywhere. We see dogs in restaurants, dogs in the city, dogs on and off leashes. We do not see dogs tied up in someones yard and left to die like we do in WV. Love the dogs.

Didn't we have a civil war over this?

Tournoux rules

2010-07-17T04:12:00.000-07:00

We went to the tour de france and it was cool. Gap got all fired up and threw a huge party. The actual race was a bit anticlimactic. We waited by the fence for a few hours and then two guys on bikes went zipping past. They won. Then a few minutes later, one guy went zipping past. Then a few minutes after that the whole pack came through. There was no way to tell who was who so we just kept wondering, "Is that Lance?". The camera broke literally moments before the racers came through so we have no still shots of the race but I got some video. We got the camera working again now but only on manual so I think many of our future shots will be blurry. Here is a shot of Elissa keeping it real at the Tour de France. Livestrong and prosper Colinator.

This kid dropped his umbrella hat onto the road just before the support vehicles came through. He was super gripped and his dad was telling him he was going to throw him over to get it. The kid kept shaking his head 'no' and his dad just scooped him up and threw him in the street. You should have seen his face. I snapped the picture just a moment too late. Hilarious.

July 15th was cleanup day. I had left draws on a rig at Rue de Masque and Elissa left draws on something up at Pelvoux. We went to Rue in the morning and I sent second try. Hardest 13a ever, called Le Legende Directe. I can only assume this route was named after me. then we headed back into the mountains to Pelvoux and Elissa fired her project. Nice job Colley.

Up until this point in the trip we've been traveling a lot. We'll hit a crag and do a few routes then move on. Although a lot of the climbing has been great there is always a catch. Good rock but too hot. Cool but chossy. One hour hike, blasted by sun, too crowded, etc. Well we finally stumbled upon the perfect crag....Tournoux.

This place is small but unbelievable. Really unbelievable. It sits just above the col de la Pousterle in the Ecrin mountain range. These mountains are huge. You can see down to the valley where the town of Vallouise is nestled between these huge peaks. Just off to the west you can see the Glacier Blanc. Between these giant peaks are little rivers that all flow down and form the Durrance river which is this fast flowing whitewater river of green glacial melt water. It's pretty amazing. We camped up at the col in the most spectacular campsite I've ever stayed at.

Above the col is the crag. It's relatively small but the limestone is perfect, no polish, no people. The view is unreal. We both loved this crag enough to take on projects. Colley picked a 12d and hung draws. I picked this amazing 13c that is pure power endurance. Perfect climbing. I surprised myself by sending fourth try at the end of the day. My first 13c in a day! The wall is perfect though and there is a killer 8a, 2 13c's, 2 8b's, 2 8b+'s, and an 8c. So I'll have plenty others to try. We are psyched on this cliff and i'm really excited to have found such a perfect spot to settle in and focus on climbing for a bit.

Tip of the Hat: Mcdonalds

Ah, Micky D's. How I love thy golden arches. You have been at the cutting edge of customer satisfaction for over half a century and so I tip my hat to you. In France all Mcdonalds are Wifi hot spots. So when you spy those sweet arches you know that the sweet world of Facebook is only a click away. Even here in France. We parked underneath the Mcdonalds in their parking garage that keeps our car, and groceries, nice and cool. I just fired back a Royal with Cheese and it was delicious. The line was a bit long but as I waited an employee approached me with a touch screen device. I ordered and when I got to the counter my food had already been prepared and was waiting for me. And to drink? You can order a beer if you wish...The only thing you can't get is baguettes. Perfect. And the final deal sealer in favor of Mack Donalds? Soap in the bathroom. You can actually wash your hands with soap unlike any other bathroom in France. So Frenchies, you can scoff at us Americans for not speaking your language. You can feel superior to us Americans and have as much national pride as you like but when it really comes down to brass tacks. Here you all are, lined up at the busiest restaurant in Briancon, just to experience a little taste of Americana.

Wag of the finger: the Toilette

In France this is what they call the 'Toilette'. In my world I call this 'pooping where you please'. They leave beautiful pink streamers of scented toilet paper that billow out from under every rock. It's stunning. The reason for this is that it is nearly impossible to find a bathroom around here. There are no bathrooms at gas stations and usually no attendents. Just pumps in a parking lot. So we find ourselves driving around with our legs crossed praying for a patch of woods or a supermarket to pee at. Just one hour ago we saw a mother holding her young pantsless daughter in the cannonball position while pee fell out of her bottom onto the street below. And when you do find a toilette it's usually a 'squatter' and don't expect any complimentary toilet paper. This is a BYOTP kind of country. Get it together France. Put in some toilets because, just like the book says: "Everybody Poops".

Just a reminder to those that aren't too internet savvy. You can click on any pictures in the blog to get a larger image. I know some are hard to see because they are small. And sorry for being so out of touch. I find it more time efficient to just update this blog rather than respond to my 1000's of fan's emails and Facebook messages. And just so folks know where we are at...We're camping 2 nights a week in Vallouise just outside of Briancon and one night a week up at the col de le Pousterle. And now that we're just 20 miles from Italy, we're finally going to go get that pizza tonight.

random photos and tidbits

2010-07-14T04:28:00.001-07:00

This is how the Roman Empire fell. That's right.

I am an art lover and this is one of my favorite pieces. It was taken from the Roman Theatre at Orange. The put it back in the theatre for Ozzy concerts.

This is not nearly the worst we've seen here in France, just an opportunity for a photo. This one guy at the crag was wearing nothing but tight black underwear. At the crag! Just standing there in all his hairy-legged glory. No big deal.

Dungeons and Dragons rules. These guys get to dress up and play in real castles. They were practicing their spear throwing.

Straight out of Indiana Jones.

This is Elissa firing back a crepe. I had a hamburger which oddly comes without a bun. Which is strange considering how much the French love bread. Which brings me to my Stephen Colbert inspired Tip of the hat/wag of the finger.

Wag of the Finger: To Dr. Robert Atkins

The French are proof that your diet is a sham. These people operate on a baguette based economy. The entire world here revolves around carbohydrates and yet there are no obese people. None, that I've seen. Everyone is thin and I watch them carrying baguettes at all times of day. Baguettes for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Baguettes with jam, with cheese, free range baguettes with nothing, all kinds and varieties of baguettes. My best estimate is that each skinny frenchman eats somewhere in the vicinity of 5 loaves of bread per day. And I'm sorry to hear Dr. Atkins that you are in fact dead and at the time of your death you were: CLINICALLY OBESE! That's right. Dr. Atkins you should have eaten more baguettes.

Tip of the Hat: smoking

The French still smoke cigarettes. They smoke in restaurants. They flick their butts out car windows. The young kids smoke and it looks cool. I find this very refreshing. About 10 years ago i was shamed and ostracized into quitting smoking much like the rest of America. So I tip my hat to you France for continuing to smoke in one last great expression of personal freedom. And don't sweat the lung cancer. You're public health care will take care of you.

Just a few things I forgot to mention:

We got to watch this little kid named Enzo Oddo one-hang Realization. He hiked up the Biographie bit, fell at the crux, which is interesting to watch because somehow I know every move of that route. I don't know maybe I've watched Dosage vol. 1 a few times or maybe a few thousand. Not much difference. Sometimes a wake up at night and realize I just had a dream of lunging for the finishing jug out left and screaming just like Sharma as I stick it. Whatever. It's who I am. I'm not ashamed. So anyway, this kid Enzo gets back on and hikes to the top. Looked like 5.12. and he's cutting feet through the crux because he's so short. Then he gets to the anchor and says "take" in a high voice! Seriously, this kid's voice hasn't even changed! He's 14. If it wasn't 1000 degrees he'd have sent for sure. If you haven't heard of Enzo yet....you will.

There are these cool birds that live in the pockets at the Cascade sector at Ceuse. This wildlife biologist guy was taking pictures of them. They are called "Royal Creeper". Google search it if you're into cool wildlife. Really pretty and they seem to hover like humming birds.

I got on Carte Blanche, some famous 8a at Ceuse. I was trying to work out the crux and some woman gave me beta. Then she put down her baby after breastfeeding and fired the rig. Come on, I train like mad, do nothing but climb and think about climbing, then I come to France and some 95 pound Frenchwoman spits one out, carries it an hour up hill, feeds it with her obviously heavy breasts, then fires my project in my face. Seriously, that is just hurtful.

Today is Tour du France day. Very exciting. Next time I get some internet access I'll throw up some pictures of me crossing the finish line in a yellow jersey. So psyched!

Briancon

2010-07-14T03:23:00.000-07:00

Last we left off we were sitting here in Gap having a nice quiet dinner and some guy jumped off the clock tower and killed himself. Crazy. After that we headed back up to Ceuse and climbed two more days. After two more days we were feeling really worn down. After the hour hike in the 90 degree heat we barely felt like climbing. Ceuse is amazing but the hike coupled with the heat plus waiting until 3:30 to start climbing then climbing till 9:00 before heading back down for dinner.....wore us out. So we split and headed for cooler climates.

We drove back north to Briancon and got a guidebook. Unbelievable how much climbing is around here. The photo above is the view from an area called Rue de Masque. Conglomerate climbing like maple canyon. Quite chossy but fun. The one to the left is the second area we visited called Pelvoux. Looks like Rumney right? Very similar. Granite climbing, bouldery.

After we climbed here we headed up this other valley to check out another crag called Entrayques. High altitude gneiss with a bunch of hard routes. The valley was incredible but this raging river kept us from getting to the crag. The bridge was washed out so no climbing for us there. This is a picture of the valley.

We've been having trouble getting any climbing pictures. Since it's just the two of us we can't climb and photograph or video. I tried my patented hands-free head cam and got some great footage of Elissa's feet crushing a 7b+. The key to good footage with the head cam is to hold your jaw open to keep the camera steady. Patent number 09578-347. don't try to steal this idea.

le beaver

2010-07-08T12:15:00.000-07:00

So we got to St. Leger. We hiked up to the crag to check it out and it was amazing but we were taking a rest day. So we went swimming in the river then drove upstream and found a sweet free campsite by the river. we were setting up camp and this SUPER sketchy dude comes out of the woods and stumbles by looking in our car and stuff. He kind of freaked us out. just as it was getting dark we hear him coming back. At least that's what we thought. So we started getting tweaked thinking about how no one knows where in France we are and this guy was a definite creeper. We decide it's worth the piece of mind to leave. So we're breaking down the tent and hear something coming down the mountain....closer, and closer. And just as I'm trying to slam the trunk down this 'guy' is getting really close and the trunk won't shut and we freak out and jump in the Twingo and peel tire out of there. Elissa is holding a tent stake in her hand: "I was ready with this tent stake" she says.

So we go to a proper campsite called 'le beaver'. On the shower door is this picture. We don't speak french so we had to try to decipher the meaning.

St. Leger was amazing but smoking hot. Kind of like the New in the summer. we climbed in the shade but it didn't matter. It took me 3 tries to put down a nice 7c. Back to Le beaver for the evening. The next day we packed up and took off again. Today was the day of the mono. Malaucene is a beautiful little crag that gets morning shade. We climbed an amazing 7b+ that was littered with monos. Elissa says: "Junk in the trunk does not help when you're hanging off one finger."

Here she is blowing the excess chalk off her hand.

This was one of the nicest climbs I've been on. Probably the best limestone I've climbed on including Ceuse.

The sun came around and we drove on to Venasque. Wow. This is my all time favorite cliff. Very similar to the Red's table of colors wall but smoother. Less harsh on the skin. I climbed an amazing 7c+ with monos, pockets, crimps. Once you left the ground you never matched or stopped to shake. Really perfect movement. I could spend my whole trip there if it weren't for the HEAT. It felt just like climbing at the Red in July. Heinous. I was so upset I wanted to cry a few times. It is very frustrating to be a few miles from Buoux. Just a few miles from the 3 routes on my life list. Reve 8a, Chouca 8a+, and Le Rose 8b, and having no chance of climbing them. So sad about this. It is just too hot. So we split and drove back to Ceuse. In Gap now and looking forward to Ceuse tomorrow.

And I forgot to mention. today was our rest day so we checked out a town with historic significance called Orange. In France that is pronounced Aarrangsh. Sounds like they're talking with marbles in their mouth. Kind of like trying to figure out Kurt Cobain lyrics. We went to the most well preserved Roman Theatre in Europe. Apparently the Romans used to 'own' France and much of Europe. I guess that's why they call it an 'empire'. I am brushing up on my history. This place was really cool. And very old.

2010-07-08T11:10:00.000-07:00

So last we left off we were heading to Italy to get a pizza. We got stuck in traffic so we never made it. But we ended up in Briancon at this castle and some medieval festival. We got a pizza. We also ran into Ivo Ninov in the restaurant. I thought he looked familiar and when I asked him if we'd ever met he answered in that unmistakable accent "I've been living in the valley for 10 years." Small world.

It didn't surprise me at all. The next day we went back to Ceuse and I ran into my friend Zach that I haven't seen in years. Had a crappy day climbing though cause some Italians kept us up all night. They were drinking wine all night.

Elissa claims " they can't help it, it's in their culture." Well, their culture sucks in my opinion. I climbed one obscure route called Super Mikey. nice.

We felt really worn down and so decided to leave Ceuse and drive south to Orpierre. It was sun baked so we kept going to St. Leger. It's amazing to drive around here weaving through the hills and seeing castles up on top and little villages.

Check out this picture. The cliffs in France are chipped all to pieces. I know it's the birthplace of sport climbing but come on...that is serious chipping.

Gorges du something. man this internet is so slow this has taken hours and dinner just arrived. Lots more

Le France

2010-07-03T05:36:00.001-07:00

Le France. That means 'the France' for you ignorant Americans that may be reading this. Our travel was pretty easy overall.

Our flights were on time. The meal on the plane was delicious. We complimented the stewardess and she was taken aback. "That's the first time I've heard that" she said. We can hardly wait for the delicous meal on the way home. The rental car was a giant headache. We got to the car guy and he told us that it would be 600 dollars more than what we reserved it for. Then I told him we'd like to add the insurance which the internet reservation said would be an additional 400 dollars. He politely explained to us that the insurance cost had gone up and would now be 1500 USD! I told him that was ridiculous. He told me, "Yes, it's more expensive now isn't it." I said, "dude, we can't pay you 1500 dollars for car insurance." He said "well then you should have reserved it online."

Having not slept for over 30 hours we were not able to make good decisions and this guy knew that he could rip us off. We deliberated some more then went to the next desk over and asked how much we could get a car for. We got a car for half of what he wanted to charge us. Right in his smug face. So we ended up with the Renault Twingo. It is awesome and we love it. We drove around the city of Geneva and found a pizza place. Of course, we don't know a lick of French so we had trouble ordering and ended up with 2 pizzas and 2 Carlsberg beers. We didn't know how to ask for a box so we just ate em down. This is Elissa standing outside the restaurant. We didn't have a road map but we were fortunate enough to park under a road sign that said "France". We followed the sign and ended up in France.

Then we drove an hour to Annecy and camped by a lake. The next day we drove 5 hours to Gap and got all the supplies we needed at the "L". The "L" is basically Wal-mart without the Wa Mart. Nice place.

THE CLIMBING: OK, let me put it to you like this....The climbing here is DOPE! It's better than you could ever imagine. Fatty blue and white striped limestone and pockets. SICK pockets. So our first day out I got used to the stone by onsighting a few 7c and 7c+ routes. Then I put down an 8b wit da quickness! Bawse! And yo, my Queen Collete was able to hook up a 7c route second try. WERD Coltrane!

Oh sorry, that didn't happen. I was just living my fantasy again. The reality is that climbing here is amazing but hard for sure. Very pumpy. Kind of like the Red but actually difficult. You know, like hard moves and less rests. But we are loving it. The first day I warmed up then tried a 7c onsight. the bolts here are really far apart. Kind of like the run out to the anchor on Tuna Town but every section is like that and you're actually pumped and doing hard moves. So one move from the onsight and I grabbed a draw. I know, I suck. I was scared. Whatever. But in our first two days I was able to climb some amazing routes.

Blocage Violente: one of the very best 7b+++ routes in the world. Perfect angle and holds the whole way up and relentless. I got Colinator to hang the draws for me then I flashed it. Scary! It's hard to stay calm and relaxed on these runouts that we're not used to. I also got a 7c onsight at Berlin and a 2:go on le Privelige du Serpent. I've heard about this route my whole life and it did not let me down. Again, one of the best 7c+ routes in the world. I sampled 2 8b's but I really don't think I'm going to project anything. There are just too many good routes here to spend time on just one. It's going to be an onsight/2:go trip I think.

The Colley Lama has been getting pumped! She keeps getting on hard 12c's that are bloc and relentless. She got a little frustrated and at the end of the day we were walking past some enormous pristine anti-slantys. She fired a 7a onsight and got a little confidence boost. Every route is so good. That 7a she did was like Realization tilted back the other way.

On top of all the good climbing....we're in France. This place is so cool and so different. The town of Gap is really chill. Right now we're in the town square sipping espresso under an umbrella. The double picture above is in case you're really drunk reading this. Everything else will be blurry but this picture will be crystal.

Wow, check out that cliff. The cow says "le moo". She is quite impressed with her homeland. I too am quite impressed with France. There are certain things that are better and certain things that are worse compared to 'le states.' For example: We can't watch Comedy Central and without the Colbert Report I have no idea what is happening in the world. So in honor of Stephen I'd like to give my own 'tip of the hat/wag of the finger' to France.

Tip of the Hat: Coed Bathrooms.

Nice job France for thoroughly kicking sexism to the curb. Listening to the woman in the stall next to you plop a deuce really seems to even the playing field. And by the sound of it....there's no reason women shouldn't be able to command a battleship.

Wag of the Finger: No fixed draws

Come on Ceuse, maybe you haven't heard but you're the best sport climbing in the world. I just flew half way around the world, drove 6 hours, hiked and hour up hill and now you want me to hang my own draws? Seriously, how bout we get a couple of these skinny little Frenchmen to carry a boat load of steel bent gates up here and properly equip this place.

OK, it's getting late. We're hungry for some pizza and Peroni's so we're going to drive to Italy to get one. We hear it's good over there.

sling photos

2010-06-14T08:17:00.001-07:00

Dangerous slings:

Take a look at this runner. Clip this to a bolt and upon quick visual inspection it looks good right?

Here's the side view of the same runner. You can see that the only thing holding it on the biner is the rubber string. In some very informal tests we decided that this rubber would hold about 15 pounds before breaking. We actually didn't break one....this was a guess.

pretty much done.

2010-06-12T15:14:00.000-07:00

The van is pretty much done as of today. The only thing left to do is the curtains. This rig is sweet. Lets take a look....

As you get closer to the interior of the rig you'll probably be thinking, "Damn, that is sweet". It's OK, that is usually my first thought as well. One of the first things that strikes me is the laminate tile flooring that perfectly complements the faux granite countertops. Let's take a closer look shall we.

In this photo you can easily see how sweet the interior of the van is. The three cabinets in the back are for clothes storage, jackets, and 'entertainment center' as we will see momentarily. The three open compartments above the counter are great for stashing extra goods. the left one is for guidebooks to all the sweet places we'll be going. Just beneath the guidebooks is a thermometer so you know just how cool it is inside this rig. Underneath the very left edge of the counter is an open compartment that is exactly the size of a full 24 pack of beer. One of my favorite additions.

This is looking straight back at the love nest. The bed is rigged up so that we sleep sideways with our feet underneath the clothes cabinet. This is....adequate. 5'8" is not very much room to stretch. I've got some plans to make a pull-out bed so that we can sleep longways if we are ever going to take a long trip. Beneath the bed are three compartments that face the interior. Heater on the left. The slot in the middle is cut to fit a cooler. the slot on the right is Lilah's custom dog cave. Padded floor in addition to her dog bed plus her favorite luxury....carpeted walls.

This is another view of basically the same stuff but this time you can see the fan mounted above the bed. Very low amp draw. It could run for probably weeks without dying. 0.2 amps an hour. It has three speeds. Low, medium, and GALE FORCE. It says this on the box it came in but I find it too be more of a gentle breeze. This view also shows how the bed is cut at an angle. This lets us sleep slightly 'crooked' to get a little more leg room out of it. It also angles perfectly so that when you're sitting on the edge of the bed it is comfy to cut veggies on the countertop.

Here we have the 'entertainment center'. Basically just a laptop on a pull out shelf. You can sit in bed, pull out the shelf and watch a movie or you can sit cross-legged and type away like it's on a little desk. Pretty nice.

Note also the little bouquet of flowers. This is ridiculous. Every time I go to an RV website and see pictures of RV interiors there are a bunch of flowers on the countertop. Every time. Seriously. Does anyone do this? You know as soon as you come around a turn or hit the brakes they're going to spill all over the place and the vase will break into pieces on the floor. Whatever, I guess you just put it there before you take pictures.

Looking forward you'll see that the passenger seat swivels. The install kit for this was ghetto. But it is in aftermuch manhandling and ghetto rigging and perfectly functional. The van has a tape deck. Yes, Dodge manufactured a 2005 van with a tape deck. Could you even still buy tapes in '05? Doesn't matter though cause I got the Ipod adapter and can rock Megadeth or Lamb of God for days. And I do. Behind the driver's seat I have a fire extinguisher that is easily accessible from the kitchen or the driver's seat. This is mostly to minimize the danger of MELTING MY FACE OFF from listening to so much heavy metal. There is also a small trashcan that I use to dispose of Dave Mathews Cd's and any other sorority girl garbage music that may find it's way into the rig. I mean, seriously, I pick up mad chicas in this rig and they leave all kinds of stuff behind so that they can call me and be like "Oh, I'm so sorry. I left my Dave Mathew's live album in your rig. Can you come pick me up and maybe we could go for a drive up to the makeout point or something." And I'm all like. "Ha, forget it girl. You're last weeks news. I got like ten college girls in here right now and I already threw your crappy CD away." And she's all like. "Oh, you joker. Come get me. I'm not wearing any....." And I've already hung up cause my favorite Megadeth song just came on and that bitch was distracting me and I'm only like 2 hours from the Motherlode and all I can think about is crushing rigs!

This is the view looking into the back. I've got two water jugs on the left. The square one is a 6 gallon tank that feeds the sink and when it runs out I've got another 5 gallon one to refill it. For 2 people a week long trip is usually doable with that amount of water but I can easily take the tank out to fill it at any spigot. I actually like this method better than the old Westy. You had to run a hose to the fixed tank meaning you had to get up close to the spigot. Not always easy at backwoods climbing areas. Propane is on the right. The small 5 pound tank is definitely inadequate for a winter trip. This tank has a splitter on it and feeds the stove and the heater. I will buy a 20 pound tank soon to replace it and just use this small one for summer trips. It will power just the stove for weeks but the heater eats fuel. The blue bin is for extra climbing gear: trad rack, extra ropes, shoes, etc. Plenty of room for one more though and still enough room for two climbing packs. And there you have it. The ultimate rig. Last step is curtains. Elissa is in charge of sewing those duders up so hopefully we'll have em in by the end of the summer. We'll have 2 over the back windows, one over the sliding door, and a big curtain that separates the cockpit from the living quarters. This one will have enough slack to get draped behind the swiveled seat. It will also be helpful to close it up for heating or cooling the cockpit quickly. Eventually I'd also like to get some bug screen for the summer. Probably just sew some magnets on them so I can put one over the sliding door and one over the back. We should get plenty of ventilation if the fan is set to GALE FORCE.

To my 5 loyal blog 'followers'. Sorry I've been slack about the updates but we'll be in Ceuse in 2 weeks and I plan to update more often from France. I'll get some pics up and talk about how snobby everyone is and how I crushed all their rigs right in their smug mustached faces.

trebuchet

2010-05-10T04:22:00.000-07:00

The trebuchet went down yesterday and I can hardly believe it. It is unbelievable to me that a world-class route in a world famous area just 10 minutes from the road can still be up for grabs. Thank you Red River Gorge! The trebuchet is without a doubt one of the best 5.14- routes in the country.

The climbing on this route is simply unbelievable. It really is perfect in every way. The bottom bit alone is one of the best 13b's I've ever been on anywhere. Perfect rock and amazing moves. Lots of cross throughs including a hard cross to a pocket on an otherwise blank face.

The climbing to the roof is pumpy. No stopper moves, which is unusual for the gorge, just sustained big holds with a few cruxes thrown in. At the base of the roof is a good rest where you can get most of it back. In a way, success on the route boils down to how much you can get back before the crux.

Then the upper portion of the route is the business. When I first started trying the roof a few months back it felt impossible. I thought V9ish and it took me a few efforts to do all the moves then a few more before I finally linked the boulder problem. After a few months on the route it feels v8ish??

From the rest you reach way out the horizontal roof and grab a left hand slot, three fingers, one pad deep. Then a right hand half pad crimp. dig your toe in the horizontal and lunge out to a crimp with your right hand. The crux is cutting feet, staying tight, and throwing a heel to the lip above your head. Then a hard match, and some more crimps lead to two deep lock offs and a decent clipping hold on the headwall.

The first 20 feet of the headwall is probably 12d/13a? I thought if I got to this hold that I'd be able to pull it off. Not so. I fell three times past here. Once at the sideways lunge and twice past that just before the jug. It is so pumpy up there. The moves are probably 12c? in this section but there is a ton of hard climbing underfoot.

Pretty nice stone on the headwall huh? The first time I rapped down and saw these crimps I almost pooped myself. Just unbelievable. And how bout that jug? Custom placed for sure. If that jug wasn't there this route would be 14+ for sure. You shake and hang and shake then launch in to the final crux. Left hand undercling under the roof, right hand up to a 1/4 pad three finger crimp and a huge lunge to a jug. Terrifying on redpoint cause you could totally blow it. This section is probably V6? then it's 5.11+ jug hauling to the top of the wall. 100 feet to the ground.

I think this route is 14b. It is the hardest route I've done and one of the hardest I've tried which makes it hard to grade. the only route I've spent time on that's harder is also a project so I have no idea how hard this route actually is. It may be 14a. I tried to compare it to many different routes in many areas to tack down a number. It is for sure a big step harder than Proper Soul. It is harder than Mango Tango. I figure White Wedding is solid benchmark 13d and this route is a good step and a half harder than that....I've sampled transworld and God's own stone also and this route is way harder than those as well, for me. So I hope I didn't throw a fluff grade on it.

But how do you grade a pump? The first time I sent trebuchet to the roof it was the fourth most pumped I've ever been in my life. #1 was satanic verses 13c. when i clipped the chains I almost passed out and it took me 10 minutes to untie and feed. #2 was some weird flash pump I attained on Hand me the canteen boy in rifle and that's only 12d. #3 was a redpoint burn on Proper Soul after eating a peanut butter covered brownie. I lowered and almost threw up and then ran off and had diahrea in the woods! And the first time I sent to the trebuchet roof I was almost too pumped to clip. I called it 13c at first. Then after getting it licked and redpointing it 20+ times I could do it with no pump at all. It feels like mid range 5.12 now??? What the hell? So who knows. Maybe for some super fit 14+ climber this route will be tits. If you can get it all back below the roof the top will feel like 13d. It might just be a super complex 13+?

Time will tell I hope and the Rendevous is next week. Hopefully some rock stars will try it and help me out with the grade. Is this the hardest route at the New? Maybe...

Again, regardless of the grade, this is certainly one of the finest pieces of rock I've ever touched. I'd say it's destined to be a classic but due to it's location at the New River Gorge it will probably never get climbed on. Maybe someday people will wake up to how good the hard climbing is here. We'll see.

1.21 Jigawatts!!!!

2010-03-21T05:27:00.001-07:00

I have enough power in this monster to operate a flux capacitor. I'd love to warp back to 1985 to see the birth of Troy and drive him off the showroom floor. But that could have grave consequences for the space-time continnuum. The photo above and left shows the flux capacitor and the warp regulator. This runs through the undercarriage to the fuel rods. U-235 is for sissys and can barely power a Delorean. I'm running on UB 12550! Woot Woot! I'm going back to terminate Michael J. Fox at birth so I can replace him and star in Teen Wolf. Better start growing my beard right now.
"oh God, I don't know how they found me Marty, but they found me."
"Who found you Doc."
"It's the Lybians!"
Some of you may remember this most classic of cinematic scenes and you will also recall that 'the Lybians' are driving a late 1970's Volkswagen Vanagon with the roof cut out to accomodate a terrorist with a shoulder launched RPG. So bitchin'. I may add a gun turret to Max in the future.

we have water

2010-03-21T05:18:00.000-07:00

The plumbing is in. It goes through the floor and onto the ground just like I like it. No gray water hassle. I toyed with the idea of throwing a T-junction on the pipe and adding a ghetto urinal. I guess I don't have space for both a urinal and a sink. But I guess the sink could act as a urinal. Or the urinal could act as a sink. Maybe, just maybe, I have both a urinal and a sink.....or did I just blow my own mind?

We have fire.

2010-03-16T18:57:00.001-07:00

I got all the cabinets in and the counter top. here are some various photos. The drawer was actually easier than I thought it would be. Nice and smooth. the propane was a pain.

I ended up with 5 fittings between the stove and the rubber fuel line. The guy at Lowes tried to tell me some old wives tale about using soapy water to check for leaks. Pfft. Whatever dude. I told him "yeah man, I've been using the Farmer's almanac as a reference quite a bit and actually my shakra is aligned today so I won't be needing any 'soapy water'. What a sucker.

Got her fired up right at the end of the day. Blasting both burners and the space heater at the same time. After I installed the stove I glanced at the installation directions. They've got all this garbage in there about minimum this, and minimum that. Come on guys, do you really think you need 8 inches between the backwall and the burner? I got 3 and some change. I'm tired of 'the man' telling me what to do. Hopefully hooking up the plumbing tomorrow and then electric I reckon. I still have to build the cabinet in the back but the woodworking novelty has worn off.

Got Wood?

2010-03-15T17:40:00.000-07:00

Wait till the fire marshall gets a gander inside this bad boy. I have finally built my dream home. It's like living inside a tree. More wood than you can shake a stick at.

I got a bunch of stuff done today despite the most miserable conditions outside that I have ever seen. Drizzling rain that has not let up. The water table is actually above ground level. The backyard is a mudpit. I walked back and forth from the van to the basement in excess of 50 times through grass covered peanut butter. The river is flood stage. People's homes are flooding and further proof of our state of emergency: The flock of seagulls I saw in the Lowes parking lot.

Good thing it's not decent climbing weather cause my finger tip is ruined. It doesn't look bad in the picture and of course it's no big deal for normal life but for climbing it's a death sentence.

So I got the cabinet in above the counter top. That turned out pretty nice. I was toying with the idea of putting doors on all the little cubbies but I felt like I was goind door crazy. It's OK to just throw stuff up there and it would probably get annoying to have to open a little door everytime you want your toothbrush. I like it open like this.

This will be a great spot for toiletries, paper towels, you could even stuff a jacket in there for quick access. Whatever, I like it.

This is my prototype cabinet door. It's pretty good. I got a catch on it so it will stay closed. It's hard to tell but the shelves inside the cabinet are tiered so that you can see all the food on each shelf. This one door took half a day to fit. I watched some videos on youtube about cabinet building. This one guy is like the cabinet champion of the world or something. Seriously, they have competitions. Anyway, he says:

"Everyone can cut to within 3/10ths of a millimeter. It takes talent to remember where you were 1/1oth of a millimeter off so that you can correct for it later."

Yeah, so I followed his instructions...Pfffffff. Yeah right. Dude, I have a jigsaw and a circular saw not some fancy table saw. I eyeball this stuff. That's talent bro.

The downside of trying to get it within 1/8th of an inch instead of .3 mm is that it never fits. The door will rub somewhere or not close at all. The drilled holes for the handle will be off if you eyeball it. So it's best to go slow and measure twice, even if it means walking through the peanut butter soup again.

split tip

2010-03-14T17:32:00.000-07:00

Went climbing today for a bit. Tried the project and redpointed to the roof as usual. The conditions were a bit shmarmy so I kind of wrecked my skin. No chance of sending today with the 90% humidity. So I tried another route called Live and Let Live 5.12b. I kind of froze up then had to try real hard to stay on. I tried a little too hard and fully split my tip. It's a deep one. So I'm off the project for at least two days. Looks like I'll be getting some van stuff done.

Back in the Wagon

2010-03-13T14:49:00.000-08:00

Rainy day in Fayetteville. Most of mega proj 3 was probably dry but I'm in redpoint mode on that rig. Redpointed the 13b bit to the roof twice yesterday and stuck the crux move twice on link. Second time I fell throwing my heel to the lip. Had I stuck that I just would have had to hold on for the 13a headwall. Good chance I coulda done it. Getting close though. I'm figuring the whole route is 13b to a 10 move v9 to 13a. What's that equal? 14a/b? I'd like to think b, it is for sure a whole step harder than Proper Soul so who knows. The redpoint crux pocket is usually the only hold that's wet and it's not the hardest move but it's the hardest move you gotta do pumped as the bejeesus, and you have to do a deep lock off until you're kinda pulling out. Bam, off the rig.

So I installed a good portion of Max's guts. Got all the cabinetry framed out for the most part. Still have to get the shelves in and stain a few bits but the majority is in.

I also built a little mock kitchen so I could see how deep the stove and sink go. I wanted to make sure that the cabinet dividers underneath wouldn't interfere. As a bonus I now have a template to trace for cutting the countertop. Only one shot on that cut, want to do it right the first time. I like how the kitchen setup is turning out. It'll look nice with the custom faux granite counter.

I was also able to manage a bit more work underneath and got the basic layout for the cabinets. It'll be three 15 inch cabinets with a single shelf. Lots of storage in this one.

About midday Mike Cole came to pick up Troy. It was bittersweet for sure. I'm glad to have found him a good home and I could tell from Mike's excitement that Troy is in good hands. Mike works for Caterpillar, the heavy equipment company. He says he can use the lift at work to work on the rig and check this out.....He can paint the rig for free if, and here's the catch, he paints it forklift yellow! So Troy is going to get a makeover and he will finally get the color he deserves. Bright yellow for the bad ass piece of machinery that he is. Go on with it Troy. You're going to look like a bad man. Here's Mike turning the key on his new rig. Good luck Mike, Troy's got your back now.

stalled

2010-03-12T04:16:00.000-08:00

Haven't done much on the van for a while. The weather cleared up and I had a three day climbing clinic with some Greeks. They taught me what to call Lilah in Greek: skilos. Plus I've shifted my focus to 'mega proj 3' in the cirque. Got pretty close to sticking the crux yesterday. I think it's not too far off if the weather holds. It never ceases to amaze me how this stuff comes together. It took me at least 3 days to climb the 13b bit to the crux roof. When I redpointed that the first time I was completely pumped and barely clipped the anchor. I've linked it about 6 times since then and yesterday it felt like a warm-up, which is how it has to feel if you're going to recover enough before the crux roof. I fumbled my foot sequence a bit on the crux intro moves which may have contributed to the failure. I still almost stuck it. Pretty soon though....I hope. Of course, there is a good chance that even if I make it through the roof I'll fall on the headwall which is about 13a by itself. I love projects, climbing, vans, whatever.

In other news I'm pretty sure I sold the Westy. Goodbye Troy. We certainly shared the best years of our lives together. Troy and I seem to share a similar lifepath. Those years were a time when we both supported each other in extended roadtrips. Driving back and forth from California to Oregon to Utah, to West Virginia, many times. Now it's time to reel it in a bit. We'll both be taking shorter trips now as we've gotten a bit aged. Fortunately, climbing is in Troy's blood as it is in mine. The new owner is a climber and will be taking him to the two best climbing areas in the country: the New and the Red. Godspeed Troy. We will meet again.

Bed's in.

2010-03-04T18:02:00.000-08:00

Just like dad said, "think about how long things will take you then multiply by pi." It took me about 2 full days to create this monstrosity of a bed. If space wasn't an issue it would be easy but when you're working to try to save inches it's difficult. I used 2x2's across the top for 17" clearance. Large tupperware bins are 17" high. The van is 5' 8" wide. If we were short we would have a standard sideways bed. It's angled to accomodate my extra 2 inches. I may add a small vertical cabinet in the back rear corner. I like the way the angled bed turned out though. It has character. It also makes it easier to sit on the edge and prepare meals on the countertop that isn't in yet.

Although the van is 10 inches shorter on living space than the old Westy I mangaged to only lose 3 inches on the wide part of the bed and I actually gained 3 on the narrow side. The box structure near the door is for the heater. I may add a door to that. Then there will be a 15 inch door that will have a 2 foot deep cabinet. Next to that will be the custom dog cave.

Cabinets go in next. The battery isolator showed up today. So did the 'water pump' which I was lead to believe was a 'water pump'. It turned out to be a manual hand pump with a 3 inch handle on it. It would take an hour to fill a bottle so I gotta return that one. I found a sweet deal on a combo package and ordered a new faucet and inline water pump.

Those little cabinets will be under the mattress so you'll have to pull back the bedding to access them. I'm going to have propane and water hoses running through them as well. Good for long term storage stuff like extra blankets.

panels are in

2010-02-28T16:39:00.000-08:00

uneventful day. Got the panels in fairly easily. There are definitely some inconsistent gaps between the ceiling and the wall panels. Nearly all of it will be hidden by cabinetry. I'm going to look for some kind of trim for the finishing work. Went to Lowe's and returned the crappy drill I bought yesterday. Also bought a bunch of wood for the bed frame. Should have that done tomorrow. maybe.....

You can click on the pictures to see them larger.

Oh, of course there was one mishap. I took out the little wall light and accidently bumped the back of it against the van frame. It showered sparks. Now none of the interior lights work. Just another thing to do. Gotta find the fuse box and poke around.

FML

2010-02-27T15:37:00.000-08:00

I've picked up on some of the lingo the kids are using these days. LOL, ROFL, the more intense Roflcopter, WTF, etc. etc. Well if you didn't know there are entire websites devoted to the 3 simple letters: FML. It means F*** My Life. People use it as an expression of frustration when it just seems that everything goes wrong.

We woke up to an additional 6 inches of snow and 28 degrees. FML. But I was psyched to get the paneling in today. All of it! Started working by 8:00. I wanted to get the ceiling in first so I grabbed a panel and trudged through knee deep snow to get it to the van. Of course the van is parked at the edge of the driveway that drops off 8 inches at a 45 degree angle so I slipped and ate shit. Unfortunately I was carrying a piece of plywood that I was trying to keep dry that landed on top of me before being covered in powder snow. FML.

Of course it didn't fit right so I had to carry it back to the basement for additional cuts. Finally got it about right but needed to pound it upward to get it in place. I have no mallet and was 100% determined not to go to Lowe's today. Washcloth+hammer+duct tape= 'rubber' mallet. FML

The second ceiling panel didn't want to fit either. As an added bonus the van was 1.5 inches longer than 8 feet. So 2 sheets of plywood comes up just short enough to create a gap. I had to
fashion a 2x2 strip for the rear which of course took about an hour. Then I used my 'mallet' to pound the ceiling in place. The sheet metal screws are fairly short so I don't bust through the ceiling so I had to press my head as hard as I could against the roof while simultaneously achieving the delicate task of starting a screw which of course falls off the bit 9 out of 10 times. FML

I cut the door panel out of pre-stained wood then stained the edges. Of course the holes I drilled didn't line up with the door holes so I drilled new ones then plugged the bad ones with the old plastic 'plugs' that were on the old panel. To screw the door handle back on I had to open the door just a notch to access the handle. I glanced outside for a second and got snowblind just before trying to find the tiny hole in black plastic. I thought I was lined up but the screw was not in the hole and dropped off the bit, bounced once, fell through the tiny crack in the door, and disappeared into the snow. FML.

I searched for a while with my hand until it went numb. FML. Then I got clever and got a magnet. I searched with that for about ten minutes to no avail. FML. Then I spent the next 20 minutes with a hairdryer, blowdrying snow until the little brass devil appeared. FML.

The rear door panels were a PITA. The one with the door handle in particular. Plastic flexes so it was easy to take off the old one. Wood does not bend it breaks. Oh, well. It looks fine. FML.

I was poised to get all the paneling in today. It was only 3:00ish. I had to make some tricky cuts on the first panel but my measurements worked out. Amazingly. I was screwing it in when the battery on my drill driver went dead. I went to replace it only to find that neither battery would fit back in. It was broken. I tried hard to figure it out. To make it work. I ended up duct taping the battery on but the springs kept pushing it out. I was determined not to go to Lowe's. If I could hold the panel with my left hand and balance a screw on the bit then push it to the surface and pull the trigger while simultaneously pushing on the battery with my forearm it would work. I'd set up for this feat of coordination and the screw would fall off the bit everytime. FML. I ripped the duct tape off, determined to fix the drill but just ended up bashing it into the floor repeatedly. If it wasn't broken before it sure was now. FML

I went to Lowe's to spend 100$ on a new drill. FML. The tool guy told me that my drill was under warranty. It had a 2 year warranty! But I don't have the receipt. "No problem" he told me. They can look it up using my phone number. "Man, these guys are great" I thought. So I drove home, got the drill, and returned to Lowe's where they informed me that "We only keep track of receipts for 30 days. You'd have to send it of to Porter Cable to be repaired." FML.

So I bought a Black and Decker for 10 dollars less than my old PC. Got it home and discovered it's a POS. FML. Should have spent the extra 10 to get the same drill I had. Of course the batteries were dead so I set one on to charge. Waited 15 min. then took it out and got half a hole drilled before it died. FML.

I did not finish the paneling today.

Nothing is as easy as it seems...

2010-02-26T17:01:00.000-08:00

I've been working on the rig. First step was to get everything out. the shelving came out easy. The bulkhead was a bear. It sounds so simple to drill out the rivets holding it in but of course I broke a bunch of bits and had to take more trips to Lowes. Before I knew it, it had been an all day affair. The next day I took out the plastic wall paneling and installed the insulation. This rig is gonna be warm in the winter.

Yesterday dad came up to help me with the wiring. I'm going to have a deep cycle battery under the passenger seat. the fuse box is going to be in the cabinet under the sink behind the driver's seat. You can see the wiring in the picture. I've got a pretty simple electrical set-up so far. One fluorescent for lighting the main living area, 2 leds for lighting the kitchen area, a fan in the right rear, an inverter, and a 12v socket. The 12v socket may eventually power the fridge. All the wiring had to be run first so it could be under the wood paneling which goes in tomorrow.

I wanted to cut the wall panels first so I could stain the edges but... I ran out of time and knew I'd be a full day behind if I didn't get the stain on today. I'll cut the panel tomorrow and for the rest of my life live with the unstained 5mm edges on the panels. Unless it's gonna drive me crazy, then I'll stain the edge. We'll see how noticable it is. Keep in mind most of the panel edges will be hidden by cabinetry. we'll see.

Max...The Road Warrior

2010-02-24T06:55:00.000-08:00

Buying a new vehicle was a very difficult decision but I had to man up and do it. I've loved Troy, my 1986 VW Vanagon Westy, with all my heart. But it got to the point where I was unable to leave town for climbing trips. Kind of defeats the purpose of having a camper van if you can't leave town to camp! So I was faced with the difficult decision of either putting 1000's of dollars into a full restoration or spending 1000's of dollars on a new rig. I bought a new rig.

This is Max...the Road Warrior. Obviously named after Mad Max. Max is a Dodge Sprinter cargo van with a 2.7 liter turbo diesel Mercedes engine that will supposedly run up to 400,000 miles at about 30 MPG's. Sick. He is an empty shell of a rig that was used as a work truck in Iowa. Note the shelving, ladder rack, and bulkhead. I flew to Iowa to pick it up, filled up the tank across the street from the dealer, then drove it home, only stopping for gas once! It has a big tank. 800 miles on a tank and a quarter.

I plan to share the details of the conversion on this blog. My beta is not only ironclad in climbing but in all aspects of life as well, including van conversion. And so the effort begins. Here are some pics of Max in his current state.

2008-06-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

This is it. The moment you've all been waiting for. Mikesironcladbeta is up and running. Better take your laptop to the crag cause you're about to start flashing rigs wit da quickness.