It's six A.M. and while you lazy maggots are rolling over in bed for a little more shuteye the Colinator is chugging back some coffee. She's just 30 minutes away from doing battle with a bunch of noseyparker middle school kids. She forces math down their unwillingly throats until 3:30 at which point most of us would probably drive home and put a gun to our head or at the very least drown our sorrows in red wine and lavender bubble baths. Not Elissa, nope she has just begun. She stays at school grading papers until 5:30 then hussles straight over to the gym for Cross-Fit where she pumps iron and shames the men at pull-up contests. She finally comes home around 7:00, pushes me around a bit, cooks up a healthy meal as I beg for pizza, hops in for a quick shower and passes out cold only to wake up 8 hours later to do it all again.
You'd think that she would at least tire out every now and then, and it's true she only goes to Cross-Fit Mon. Tues. Thurs. and Fri. Wednesday she leaves school as early as possible then hussles down to the crag to crush 5.13's in all the weak sauce climbers' faces. Yup, Saturday and Sunday too. Which means...she never rests. Never.
Recently I think Elissa has gotten more psyched for training for climbing than actually climbing. Last Memorial Day Weekend while you were all stuffing hamburgers, hot dogs, and Bud Light down your face holes Elissa was killing it at the Cross-Fit competition down in Charleston, West Virginia. Jumping rope and pumping iron! That's right, while I was out sport climbing with the boys and acting tough she was going head to head with this guy!
She came home complaining about how her back hurt, not only from all the Clean and Jerks, but from dropping a 75 pound barbell into the small of her back. I shrugged it off cause she's usually sore from something until she casually mentioned that it hurt worse than when she shattered her arm in a million places. Not much more than a peep from Elissa though. Nails. Hard as nails.
All these pictures were published in the Charleston Gazette on Monday. Way to kill it Colley! I'm so proud! And hey, a word of advice to all you rednecks out there. Next time you think about smacking your wife around... put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Don't even think about it!
I know what it feels like to live in fear. Did I remember to put the trash out? Oh God, I hope so. I better go check just to make sure.
34 comments:
Dog, I love you guys.
Don't let Elisa beat me up. I'll try to stay on her good side.
well it has been a long while. my brother told me about your blog today while i was talking to him on skype. crazy. your blog brings back great memories of sticky mosquito infested mank fest summers down at the new. thanks for writing and maybe we'll cross paths some day. adam says hi.
Ian, it brings back memories of you getting attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets and taking a stinger straight to the pee hole.
yeah well, it happens to the best of us. you said we had to go down to that choss heap. and as i remember it you pushed me into that tree. thanks for bringing back the memories.
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Hi viewers online, I'm here to share my testimony about how I was helped to get my husband back. I was a cheat and my husband caught me several times. I tried fixing myself and each time I ended up cheating over and over again. I guess I didn't realize what he meant to me until he had left me alone. I began to find a way to get him back but nothing seemed to work out perfectly until I came across an article about Lord Zulu who helped a lot of people globally to get their relationships back. I made contact with him and he assured me that my husband will come back to me within 48 hours with his powerful magic for the materials needed for the work. Surprisingly, my husband came back home after 2 days saying that he still loves me and I swore never to cheat on him anymore. All thanks to Lord Zulu. You can have a chat with him on his WhatsApp number or you can contact him on +1(909) 781-4612.
Hi viewers online, I'm here to share my testimony about how I was helped to get my husband back. I was a cheat and my husband caught me several times. I tried fixing myself and each time I ended up cheating over and over again. I guess I didn't realize what he meant to me until he had left me alone. I began to find a way to get him back but nothing seemed to work out perfectly until I came across an article about Lord Zulu who helped a lot of people globally to get their relationships back. I made contact with him and he assured me that my husband will come back to me within 48 hours with his powerful magic for the materials needed for the work. Surprisingly, my husband came back home after 2 days saying that he still loves me and I swore never to cheat on him anymore. All thanks to Lord Zulu. You can have a chat with him on his WhatsApp number or you can contact him on +1(909) 781-4612.
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I vowed from the beginning never to be a cheat and stood my ground to ensure I built a happy home but unfortunately my wife never trusted me enough. I wandered for months trying to get her back and sought help from various sources including her family intervention but never yielded success. I came in contact with Dr Ilekhojie who I doubted at the earlier stage when i got in contact with. I had to keep hope alive and complied with the procedures just the way he explained everything to me. He assured me of her return with 3 days once he is finished with his reconciliation ritual. It was the third that when she called that it dawned on me that everything Dr Ilekhojie said was true because i earlier met people who promised but failed. I am telling everyone about Dr Ilekhojie and his kind heart. whatsapp +2348147400259 Email; gethelp05@gmail.com
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