Enough about me, let's talk about someone scrawnier.

If you follow sport climbing you probably know what this is.  It's Adam Ondra's top 10 hardest routes (according to 8a.nu) for the last year.  What is even more remarkable is that every ascent on here has occurred in the past 2 months and 1 week.  When I clicked on this, it finally began to settle in what has happened in climbing this year and it is simply incomprehensible. 

At the end of 2010, 5.14c had been onsighted once by Patxi Usobiaga.  5.15b was a difficulty of climbing reserved for less than a handful of people.  In just a little over two months Adam amassed a ticklist that has completely shattered what we believed was possible.  To put it clearly, 5.14c onsight and 5.15b redpoint were the absolute pinnacles of sport climbing achievement at the end of 2010.  In two months he achieved ten of those feats.  In two months!  That is more than one a week.  I don't know if you've ever been on a climbing trip but I have and generally it takes a few weeks to accomplish something difficult for you.  Sometimes years.  Which means....yup, this shit is easy for him.  5.14c onsight and 5.15b redpoint are easy.   

What has this done for climbing media?  Well, it's ruined it.  Let me explain how.  My job is to post climbing news that people are interested in such as: 

Joe Meathead redpoints new 5.14b at Choss Rocks!!!! 

Guess what....nobody cares.  He didn't onsight it and if he had it would still pale in comparison to what Adam has done recently. 

How about this headline: Magnus Meatball and Sausage Digiulian climb 5.14c at the Red!!!!  

Ehhh, who cares.  Adam would have onsighted it and then sent the Sharma Project at Drive-by in 4 tries.  

Ok, now I know what you're thinking.  I can still impress you by posting news of Adam Ondra doing something amazing.  What's you're gut reaction when you hear this slammin' headline:

Adam Ondra Redpoints World's First 5.15d in 10 tries!!!!!!!!! 

Be honest because I know what you are thinking....  "Man, when is he gonna send 5.16?  This is getting boring.  I wonder what people are talking about on Mountain Project?"  At which point you probably go back to defending the merits of belaying with an ATC and removing fixed draws (aka. booty) from sport routes. 

And to top it all off, climbing's messiah didn't swoop in on a winged horse with flowing golden hair and buddha-like insight into the most fascinating sport in the world.  He resembles Harry Potter and throws temper tantrums the likes of which have not been seen since Jim Karn fell off a 5.10 in Smith Rocks circa 1990!  Actually, the wobblers are the most fascinating thing about Ondra and the one thing I look forward to seeing more of in the world of climbing.  I have little more to say except; Thanks a lot Adam. Thanks for ruining everything and making my job impossible.       

Photo by Beat Kammerlander stolen from the internet

  

Ali Bubba

Well, it's springtime at the New and with lots of the usual rain we've been struggling to find dry rock.  Many dry days were spent at the lakebed and a handful of new routes got bolted.  I put up some real classics this year like the Honey Badger 5.12d/13a, Michael Boltin' 5.13a, and what is possibly the best 11+ in the region, Porter for Recorder.  Kirk put up a new hard 12b called Blood Trail that makes Slash and Burn look like a choss pile.  He also bolted one of the finest 13- routes around which he should have finished up soon.  For those looking for a challenge, you're welcome to get on the Movie Screen project that I finally sunk some bolts on. 
  

It overhangs about 30 degrees and has perfect pockets all the way up.  It would be about 13c if it didn't have a 6-foot dyno to a three finger on it.  I've never been more tempted to drill a hold in my life but I would never answer that demon.  Come and get it before the lake fills up!  Bring your A-game.  It's 5.14. 

Recently I've reinvested all my time back into the Beauty 'mega-proj'.  I don't want to jinx myself but I've never been as consistently close as I am now.  I've fallen at the last move about 5 times this season and excluding the now infamous punt-in-the-gramma-section debacle of Nov. 11, 2008, I've never gotten closer.  Unfortunately the finishing 5.11+ slab has been a waterfall all year and with the flooding I see outside right now, it's not going to get any better for a long time.  I climbed the wet section to make sure I could do it and I succeeded pretty easily but add in a heartrate of 230 beats a minute and a 5.14 pump....I'd rather wear a space helmet full of yellow jackets than face that nightmare.  Oddly, I hope to be facing that situation soon. 

Also odd is the fact that I've been pretty psyched to boulder this year.  I found what I believe is a new problem at Beauty Mountain and dispatched it a few days ago.  So far it's the best problem I've seen in the region and although many people would say otherwise, I think it's a classic.  The sit start and the extension still have to go down but the meat of it came together pretty quickly.  I tried posting it on youtube but those A-holes didn't like my choice of music and banned it.  I thought this was America?      





Beauty Facelift by Dr. NRAC

I was out at my favorite crag yesterday: Beauty Mountain.  Between taking burns on the mega proj, Kirk and I hiked around a bit and I was reminded just how much has gotten done in the past 5 years to make Beauty a safer place to climb.  One of the best crags in the country is almost completely reequipped with Stainless Steel (SS) hardware.  The rusty old time-bomb bolts are gone and this showpiece cliff now represents the successful efforts of the New River Rendevous (fundraiser), NRAC, and most importantly, the people that have attended the Rendevous and/or donated money to NRAC.

It would be much easier to create a short list of what still needs to be accomplished at Beauty but instead I'll give a rundown on how much has been done!

Brain: 
You want it you got it 5.9 sport:  Completely rebolted with SS

SS top anchors for all trad routes including Journey to the Center of the Brain 5.7, Out of Mind 5.10a, Hot Flash 5.10b, Brain Teasers 5.10a

SS top anchors on Mensa 11d, Dancing in the Flesh 12a, and Butta 11d

Stonger than a stainless steel bolt on Chunky Monkey?  Doubt it.  Mike Turner photo

Chunky Monkey 12b: completely rebolted with SS

Mono Loco 14a: New route!  first route bolted (SS) and sent under the new NPS climbing management plan.

Climax Control 5.13b: 3 new SS bolts and top anchors.  Remaining bolts removed and inspected.

Travisty 5.13c: 2 bolts replaced with SS

Super Whiny Bugs 5.14a:  completely rebolted with SS

Whiny Bugs: rusty pin replaced with 1/2" SS bolt

Mulatto Serpent 5.12b: completely rebolted with SS

David Gibbons on Disturbance.  Safe above new SS bolts!



Genocide Cave: Done!

Genocide 12a:  rusty pin replaced with SS bolt and SS top anchors

Green Envy 12c  and Disturbance 11d:  Two of the best in the gorge completely rebolted with SS

Blood Meridian 12d:  two rusty pins replaced with one SS bolt


Burning Buttress: Done!

Kurt Smith had a big hand in this by putting SS top anchors on the trad routes:

Happy Hands 5.9, Spider Wand 5.10b, Wham Bam Thanks for the Jam 5.10b, Burning Calves 5.10b, Rod Serling Crack 5.10b, Quick Robin to the Bat Crack 5.10a

Elaina Smith on Burning Calves.  New SS top anchors.  Mike Turner photo.

Porter Jarrard took care of the mixed classics:

Will to Power 11c R: New 12mm SS bolt at the crux before the looooong runout!  New SS top anchor
Chorus Line 12c:  4 new 12mm SS bolts in the right places this time!
Steve Martin's Face 11c:  New 12mm SS bolt to replace Andrew Barry's super dangerous expansionless carrot bolt!

Fade to Black 12b:  completely rebolted with SS
Sportster 5.13b:  4 bolts replaced with 12mm SS
Grace Note 12b:  Classic!  completely rebolted with 12mm SS
Ad Lib 12d:  rusty pin replaced with SS bolt

Gunnin' for the SS top anchors of Super Crack.  Mike Turner photo

Thunder Buttress:

Super Crack 5.9 and Gun Club 12c:  new SS top anchors
Beast in Me 12a: new SS top anchors
Screamer Crack 5.8 and Mushrooms 10a: new SS top anchors
Left 11d and Right 11c Sons of Thunder:  new SS top anchors, old bolt replaced with new SS bolt on right
Loud Noise 12b: new SS top anchor
Let's Make a Deal:  completely rebolted with SS

Ram's Head: new SS top anchors for rappell site
 

Estimated volunteer man hours required to complete this job.....?  A lot.  And that's just Beauty!  This represents just a fraction of the work completed recently.  Beauty has about 145 routes that are almost all in good shape now but that's just 145 of the 2500 routes in the gorge.  NRAC is fighting against time to replace the slowly deteriorating bolts that still lurk in the region.  Just know that merely attending the Rendevous raises money to continue this effort.  Donating money doesn't hurt either ;-)   As long as we continue to be supported by the climbers that love this region NRAC will continue to make it a safer place to climb.  See you all soon at the Rendevous! 

Max the Road Warrior version 2.0. Beyond Thunderhome

As I mentioned in my previous post, I spent a good chunk of January doing the remodel in the Sprinter rig.  Max the Road Warrior was bitchin' without a doubt but there were a few things to be improved.  For a refresher on what the finished Road Warrior looked like click here.  Our biggest gripe was the bed.  As you can see in the old pictures, we were sleeping sideways with our feet under the cabinets.  The van is 5'8" wide and I'm 5'10" with the Colinator being slightly shorter but much more sprawly in the sack.  I brainstormed ideas for a bed that would maximize space for a year.  Seriously.  Much like the naked Archimedes and Doc from Back to the Future, my best ideas often come to me in the bathroom.  Slightly less brilliant than a flux capacitor was my folding bed idea which came to me in the shower as I washed, rinsed, and repeated the flowing golden lock that covers my bald spot. 

The other big improvement is the addition of a fridge.  I researched for a long time and decided to go with electric over propane for a number of reasons.  With the addition of an electric fridge I also needed to up my battery bank.  I did have one 55 ah AGM battery mounted under the passenger seat and I chose to add in 200 more amp hours for a 255 total.  The other two batteries would have to find a home as well.

I'm not going to go into all the pain in the ass details of tearing apart everything and redoing it except to say that that is what I had to do.  The counter had to come out an inch to accomodate the fridge depth and the cabinetry beneath had to be completely redone as well.  You'll notice if you look in the old pictures that the drawer moved front and center over the fridge, food storage moved to the left, and pots and pans remained under the sink, though the door had to be cut back to 13 inches wide.  I also added a slide out dining table for the booth, which we will see momentarily, and a small table between the two front seats.  Let's give er a walk through and check the specs on:
Mad Max the Road Warrior version 2.0 Beyond Thunderhome!!!!

 One thing I learned in college is that sorority girls love pillow fights in panties.  I cannot stress enough the importance of always having an ample supply on hand.  This is the view of the back of the van with the doors open.  Water tank is on the left with a hose that runs into it, through a PVC fitting that keeps the intake near the bottom.  The pump is mounted near the wheelwell and it feeds the sink with 12v electric power.  Simple.  Propane is on the right.  Two things I added to version 2.0:  The tank used to be a bear to get in and out because it was taller than the framework.  I cut the crossbeam and added a kickstand support on a hinge.  It's secured with a wingnut on the bottom and holds the tank in place.  It folds up for tank removal.  Click the picture for detail.  I also cut a hole as big as my hand in the bed platform.  Now if a fire starts inside or we smell propane or simply want to cut it off at night for safety reasons, I can pull the mattress corner up and twist it off without having to remove the tank like I used to.

This is looking into the rig through the sliding door.  Note the curtains.  Another new addition.  We have curtains on the slider, the back windows and a two piece curtain that closes behind the front seats.  Good privacy for Walmart parking lots.  You can see the fridge in the middle now.  Also note the bench that comes out a bit further than it used to.  The bed is six feet, 1 inch long now.  It is cut in an L-shape that is hard to see in this picture.  An extension cord is stashed in the foot step.  I can pull it out, run it through a cracked window and plug in.  The cord runs to a power strip that powers a battery charger (mounted over the wheel well under the bed) and another power strip that is accessible from inside for 110 power.  No hardwiring!  Simple and effective.  The wires from the alternator run to a single 100 ah battery beneath the passenger seat then along the edge of the floor above the step in a wire hider (hard to see in this pic) to the other two batteries that are mounted just in front of the wheel well inside that box.  That box has a space heater as well which we will see. 

Looking toward the back of the van you can see our seating arrangement.  The back rest is made up of the bedding rolled up in the back and the additional bed cushion on the left. 

This view shows the little nook of floor space between the cabinetry and the bed.  Lilah's custom dog cave was improved with padded floor in addition to her carpeted walls.  She loves it and even spent time in there when I worked on the van.  Trash can and dog food on the left and some additional cubbies for stuff.  There's always something to stash in cubbies. 



This is the slide out table.  I really like the additional counter space and it's nice to eat at the same table with Elissa.  No more plates in the lap. 

The kitchen is improved.  Food on the left, drawer and fridge center, pots and pans under sink. 



The space heater is mounted on a door that folds open.  It runs off the propane tank.  It closes and locks in place with a simple gate latch bolt style closure when driving. 

 

The crux of the bed design was figuring out what the folding portion would settle on when in the open position.  Google came to the rescue and I found the perfect option: a motorcycle foot peg.  The peg folds up flush and out off the way when not in use.  You can also see in this picture the inverter, the slide out table and bolt latch to hold it in place, and the custom cut slot that perfectly accomodates a 24 pack of beer. 

Onward with the transformation into the bed.  The backrest is velcroed to the wall and the seat cushion is just sitting there.  throw those on the back and fold over the wood piece.  I am gracefully holding this up with my foot and shooting the picture at the same time to demonstrate. 

 The cushions pop in place.

And the bedroll rolls down already made up.  No need to stash blankets and remake the bed everyday as is common with other conversion designs.  That was the requirement for me is that I wouldn't have to make up the bed everyday. 



Another addition in 2.0 is a small table up front.  I used a scrap from the countertop and cut it to fit.  It's mounted on painted iron pipe and rests on the arm rest for more support though it doesn't really need it.  It just pops onto the pipe for use and I store it behind the driver seat.  The vertical pipe is fixed.

I was able to use the existing holes that were for the safety kit common in most Sprinters.  The fire extinguisher fits nicely on the driver seat mount visible in the above picture. 

This is the mount under the table.  I cut all the way through that fitting with a hacksaw.  It took a while.  The threaded nipple just slips over the iron pipe.  I'm a little bummed that the paint is going to chip away pretty quickly but...whatever.   

These pictures aren't really in any order.  Just kind of hopping around.  This is the power strip.  This is the same compartment that holds the trash can and dog food.  Not very easily accessible but the times that we'll be using shore power are few and far between.  In the rare case that we do have it we'll only be running a small electric heater.  Like I said before, once that extension cord is plugged in the batteries are charging so we can run all our 12v with no regard for power conservation anyway. 

You can see just left of the light is the battery monitor.  I'm really glad I got the good digital one.  It's really helpful in managing the 12v power.  I was a bit concerned with how much power the fridge would consume but so far I think it's going to be fine.  255 ah battery bank and the fridge pulls about 3 amps for about 40 seconds every 5 minutes or so.  Very efficient.  I left the fridge on for a few days and noticed no significant battery drain at all.  Still 12.7 volts after 3 or 4 days.  I am aware though that it's been highs of 50's and running it in the middle of the summer is going to be a different story.  We'll see.  You can also see the fan here.  I like this fan a lot.  With the back door cracked and a front window slightly open you get a nice cross breeze.  I'm a little bummed I didn't install the fantastic fan but one of my requirements for the conversion was to cut no holes in the van.  The only one I cut was for the sink drain. 

The final shot here is the clothes cabinet which remained unchanged.  The left two are for clothes.  The shelves are removable. On extended trips it's nice to have all three shelves in so you can organize but for shorter trips it's nice to pack a small backpack in the house and just throw it in with the shelves collapsed.  The right cabinet is for big stuff like dirty laundry bag.  The small portion at the bottom is a slide out shelf for a laptop so you can lay in bed and watch movies.  One space that opened up is the large storage portion below the clothes cabinet where our feet used to go when we were sideways sleepers.  It fits a crashpad perfectly (a large piece of climbing gear for those unfamiliar) or just extra blankets, jackets, dog on a cold night, or even a child for the first 7 years of their life.  The wood divider folds down and there is another piece of covered mattress that fits that spot.  I did it that way so that if I go on trips by myself I can still sleep sideways if I want to avoid the tiny hassle of having to transform the bed. 

Mad Max the Road Warrior version 2.0 Beyond Thunderhome!

Forget about it.

I thought about trying to catch up since my last blog post and the more I did that the more I procrastinized and the more daunting the task became.  So forget about it.  I'm going to try something new in an effort to stay up to date.  Bullet point blog posts that take 5 minutes.  I really like keeping this blog so I can look back and remember the cool stuff that happens around here and elsewhere but I've put too high a standard on what i post and it's caused me to fall behind and not do it at all so start to expect trash!

Recap:  Last post was September something.  Good weather came and climbing season happened.  Overall it was a fairly unproductive season. 

Mega Proj:  Shut me down again.  Year 3, 100 plus days.  Seems to get harder as I get older.  I had more hair when I started working this thing.  Note the lack of bald spot year one.   

I kind of lost mojo this season.  I felt like the proj was holding me back from doing other routes in the prime season so I did a tour of the cumberland plateau.  I spent some time at the red in the fall and did some cool stuff.

I got to spend some time with my friend Pete and Lidija and their dog Buster.  They are from the Lake Tahoe area.  I met them in Smith Rock a few years ago and they are amazing people.  Pete has always been a world-class bad-ass climber.  A few years ago he lost his leg when a piece of machinery fell on his foot at work.  It hasn't slowed him down much and he's probably the strongest prosthetic leg climber in the country.  Still climbing 5.13!

Here's Pete on Dogleg at the Red River Gorge. 




 
And Lidija with Buster. She always looks like this. Always laughing uncontrollably. Great people.





 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Another friend I got to hang out with was Nick Duttle.  Here he is during one of the most incredible redpoints of Kaleidoscope.  About half way up he started to look like he would fall at every move.  He just kept going.  Everyone at the crag was simultaneously laughing and cheering.  It was hilarious.  He'd lunge and sag out, then reel it back in.  Every move.  Not a single person, Nick included, thought he'd clip the chains but he did! 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
After the Red, the weather moved in and I had to head south for warmer climates.  I spent a few days climbing at Little River Canyon in Alabama.  Great crag and great stone.  The canyon is near Fort Smith, Alabama. 

Fort Smith is known for two things: The Alabama Fan Club and Musuem and socks.  Yes, they make socks in Fort Smith.  I love America. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

My partner for the Alabama trip was fellow Sprinter van dweller Ben Gilkison.  Here he is on the highlight routes of the trip: Unshackled.  One of the best 8a's in the south!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 Bald eagles soar high above the canyon.  We had one fly right over our heads at Unshackled one day.  I took this picture of an eagle.  It was sitting motionless behind the glass of a Park Service information board.  This is a picture of a picture of a bald eagle that I took.  National Geographic, here I come. 






The conditions became frigid in Alabama and with no rock further south I had to head west to Arkansas.  Jasper, Arkansas is in the heart of the Ozarks.  This is one destination that has been on my hit list for quite some time. 

The Horseshoe Canyon Ranch  is a private dude ranch that caters to cowboys and climbers.  It is without a doubt the finest moderate sport climbing destination in the country.  It lacks hard routes but makes up for it with excellent hard bouldering.  It is probably my favorite bouldering area in the country.  Hueco is restricted, Bishop and LRC are crowded.  HCR is empty and excellent boulders are everywhere! 

 A bit further south is the town of Cowell, home of Fontaine Red and Fred's Cave.  This is Fred's cave. 

 I sent a problem!  Tag my fist in the camera.  Shikidang!  How'd it feel?










Ironclad beta:  Arkansas is a dry state.  You heard me right, it's a dry state.  There are some fringe counties at the edges that sell beer in select locations but for the most part consider it dry!  Byob.  We had to make a 120 mile beer run to Missouri.  Don't be stupid like us.  Bring beer!

 No climbing trip to Arkansas is complete without a stop at the regionally famous Ozark Cafe.  Kirk got the half-pound Ozark burger and I must say it makes our WV Long Haul burgers look like a mere morsel.  Again: Shikidang. 








Onward with the whirlwind tour....I headed back east just in time for Christmas with the Colley's.  A good time to relax and regroup and a wonderful time overall.  Then Elissa and I headed to the Obed for New Years.  We met back up with Ben and his wife Tiff for some solid Farkle dice and champagne.  Dude, we raged on New Years!  A little dice game, a little drink, in bed by 10:00, just the way I like it! 

January had me back home at the New to work on Max's remodel.  Max the Road Warrior has been transformed.  He is now, Max the Road Warrior version 2.0 Beyond Thunderhome.  Expect a seperate blogpost on this when I get some pictures. 

I headed back to the Obed for a short two day trip to meet up with Kirk who was returning from Red Rocks, Nevada.  I knocked off the project I picked up at new years in short order and split back to the New where the weather has finally turned for the better. 

The past week, Kirk and I have been hitting up the Lakebed, putting up new routes, and knocking them down.  I bolted and sent a fine new 13a. 

 This new route follows the rope.  It starts with the first two bolts of Aryan Race (12c) which I put up last year.  I had rapped this line last year and thought it didn't go.  I rapped it again this year and thought the crux would be V9 or so.  I fired in some bolts and sent it second try.  I couldn't believe the crux goes down like it does.  It requires using a non-hold on the arete that just magically works somehow.  really amazing route.  Cleaning this route was as easy as brushing a spider web out of a single pocket.  That was it.  I would eat off of any part of this route.  It is immaculate white stone.  It's also the first route I've drilled with my new drill.  My drill's name is Michael Boltin' and so that is the name of this route as well.  Yeah, I know it's stupid.  Deal with it!

Boom!  up to date.  I'll do better now I promise.  Honestly, the fast pace of this blog post feels about the same speed that the winter went.  I can't believe it's spring already.  

 

Gettin' stuff done

I'm not a very productive person overall so gettin' stuff done usually takes me a while.  At the opposite end of the spectrum is our unofficial mayor of Fayetteville, Gene Kistler.  Gene knows how to get stuff done.  Here's a picture of Gene with the new Bubba City signboard that was installed this morning.  This sign was built using NRAC funds and will soon contain info on how to get into Bubba, maps, access issues, etc.  We had a sturdy crew to hoist that thing which probably weighed 700 pounds.  Concrete was poured, shit was talked, then we headed over to the Bridge Buttress to work on the staircase used to access the top. 

The staircase has been on ongoing project that Gene says we've been working on for "twenty years".  Everytime it pours rain a torrent of water rushes down the gully and eventually erodes the slope and the stairs start to shift.  We need bigger rocks!

   Robbie was the hero of the day with his elaborate haul system.  Huge rocks were hoisted into the sky and hauled to the top of the gulley where BJ the mason was ready to shift them into place.

Gene's job was to tie into the haul line and jump off the top of the cliff.  I took this picture fully expecting him to eat it into the ground at top speed but the rocks proved to be heavier than Gene.

It required more hauling.  When Lilah barked the order everyone tugged and the rock shifted up the hill as Gene slowly descended back to earth.  In just a few hours we made good headway on the project and hopefully this task is nearing finality.  We had a great time and at the end of the day we got to reflect on just how much NRAC has done for the climbing community.  Particularly Gene and Maura Kistler and Kenny Parker who've been doing this since the beginning.  Literally over twenty years of making the New a better place to live and climb.

One thing I did manage to get done recently is to bolt two new lines at the Meadow.  This beautiful white wall has somehow managed to remain untouched though I know many have thought about it.  For those that are familiar, the two lines I bolted are just left of Matt Fanning's project Phone Home which is itself a brilliant looking line that still awaits a redpoint.  The two to the left will be equally as classic and I can't wait to chalk the holds this weekend.  The middle line is for Colinator.  Probably in the 12b to 12d range.  The left line looks a bit more difficult and may be in the 13a to c range.  Can't wait!

  Parting shot:  Here is Elissa ending her 8 year reign as a full vegeterian.  For health reasons she decided to start eating meat.  She dabbled with fish a little and succeeded then moved up to a single bite of bacon.

And here she is trying not to throw up.  It didn't take.  Maybe next time Colley!





My Wife could Beat up your Honor Student

It's six A.M. and while you lazy maggots are rolling over in bed for a little more shuteye the Colinator is chugging back some coffee. She's just 30 minutes away from doing battle with a bunch of noseyparker middle school kids. She forces math down their unwillingly throats until 3:30 at which point most of us would probably drive home and put a gun to our head or at the very least drown our sorrows in red wine and lavender bubble baths.

Not Elissa, nope she has just begun. She stays at school grading papers until 5:30 then hussles straight over to the gym for Cross-Fit where she pumps iron and shames the men at pull-up contests. She finally comes home around 7:00, pushes me around a bit, cooks up a healthy meal as I beg for pizza, hops in for a quick shower and passes out cold only to wake up 8 hours later to do it all again.

You'd think that she would at least tire out every now and then, and it's true she only goes to Cross-Fit Mon. Tues. Thurs. and Fri. Wednesday she leaves school as early as possible then hussles down to the crag to crush 5.13's in all the weak sauce climbers' faces. Yup, Saturday and Sunday too. Which means...she never rests. Never.

Recently I think Elissa has gotten more psyched for training for climbing than actually climbing. Last Memorial Day Weekend while you were all stuffing hamburgers, hot dogs, and Bud Light down your face holes Elissa was killing it at the Cross-Fit competition down in Charleston, West Virginia. Jumping rope and pumping iron! That's right, while I was out sport climbing with the boys and acting tough she was going head to head with this guy!

She came home complaining about how her back hurt, not only from all the Clean and Jerks, but from dropping a 75 pound barbell into the small of her back. I shrugged it off cause she's usually sore from something until she casually mentioned that it hurt worse than when she shattered her arm in a million places. Not much more than a peep from Elissa though. Nails. Hard as nails.

All these pictures were published in the Charleston Gazette on Monday. Way to kill it Colley! I'm so proud! And hey, a word of advice to all you rednecks out there. Next time you think about smacking your wife around... put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Don't even think about it!

I know what it feels like to live in fear. Did I remember to put the trash out? Oh God, I hope so. I better go check just to make sure.