Max the Road Warrior version 2.0. Beyond Thunderhome

As I mentioned in my previous post, I spent a good chunk of January doing the remodel in the Sprinter rig.  Max the Road Warrior was bitchin' without a doubt but there were a few things to be improved.  For a refresher on what the finished Road Warrior looked like click here.  Our biggest gripe was the bed.  As you can see in the old pictures, we were sleeping sideways with our feet under the cabinets.  The van is 5'8" wide and I'm 5'10" with the Colinator being slightly shorter but much more sprawly in the sack.  I brainstormed ideas for a bed that would maximize space for a year.  Seriously.  Much like the naked Archimedes and Doc from Back to the Future, my best ideas often come to me in the bathroom.  Slightly less brilliant than a flux capacitor was my folding bed idea which came to me in the shower as I washed, rinsed, and repeated the flowing golden lock that covers my bald spot. 

The other big improvement is the addition of a fridge.  I researched for a long time and decided to go with electric over propane for a number of reasons.  With the addition of an electric fridge I also needed to up my battery bank.  I did have one 55 ah AGM battery mounted under the passenger seat and I chose to add in 200 more amp hours for a 255 total.  The other two batteries would have to find a home as well.

I'm not going to go into all the pain in the ass details of tearing apart everything and redoing it except to say that that is what I had to do.  The counter had to come out an inch to accomodate the fridge depth and the cabinetry beneath had to be completely redone as well.  You'll notice if you look in the old pictures that the drawer moved front and center over the fridge, food storage moved to the left, and pots and pans remained under the sink, though the door had to be cut back to 13 inches wide.  I also added a slide out dining table for the booth, which we will see momentarily, and a small table between the two front seats.  Let's give er a walk through and check the specs on:
Mad Max the Road Warrior version 2.0 Beyond Thunderhome!!!!

 One thing I learned in college is that sorority girls love pillow fights in panties.  I cannot stress enough the importance of always having an ample supply on hand.  This is the view of the back of the van with the doors open.  Water tank is on the left with a hose that runs into it, through a PVC fitting that keeps the intake near the bottom.  The pump is mounted near the wheelwell and it feeds the sink with 12v electric power.  Simple.  Propane is on the right.  Two things I added to version 2.0:  The tank used to be a bear to get in and out because it was taller than the framework.  I cut the crossbeam and added a kickstand support on a hinge.  It's secured with a wingnut on the bottom and holds the tank in place.  It folds up for tank removal.  Click the picture for detail.  I also cut a hole as big as my hand in the bed platform.  Now if a fire starts inside or we smell propane or simply want to cut it off at night for safety reasons, I can pull the mattress corner up and twist it off without having to remove the tank like I used to.

This is looking into the rig through the sliding door.  Note the curtains.  Another new addition.  We have curtains on the slider, the back windows and a two piece curtain that closes behind the front seats.  Good privacy for Walmart parking lots.  You can see the fridge in the middle now.  Also note the bench that comes out a bit further than it used to.  The bed is six feet, 1 inch long now.  It is cut in an L-shape that is hard to see in this picture.  An extension cord is stashed in the foot step.  I can pull it out, run it through a cracked window and plug in.  The cord runs to a power strip that powers a battery charger (mounted over the wheel well under the bed) and another power strip that is accessible from inside for 110 power.  No hardwiring!  Simple and effective.  The wires from the alternator run to a single 100 ah battery beneath the passenger seat then along the edge of the floor above the step in a wire hider (hard to see in this pic) to the other two batteries that are mounted just in front of the wheel well inside that box.  That box has a space heater as well which we will see. 

Looking toward the back of the van you can see our seating arrangement.  The back rest is made up of the bedding rolled up in the back and the additional bed cushion on the left. 

This view shows the little nook of floor space between the cabinetry and the bed.  Lilah's custom dog cave was improved with padded floor in addition to her carpeted walls.  She loves it and even spent time in there when I worked on the van.  Trash can and dog food on the left and some additional cubbies for stuff.  There's always something to stash in cubbies. 



This is the slide out table.  I really like the additional counter space and it's nice to eat at the same table with Elissa.  No more plates in the lap. 

The kitchen is improved.  Food on the left, drawer and fridge center, pots and pans under sink. 



The space heater is mounted on a door that folds open.  It runs off the propane tank.  It closes and locks in place with a simple gate latch bolt style closure when driving. 

 

The crux of the bed design was figuring out what the folding portion would settle on when in the open position.  Google came to the rescue and I found the perfect option: a motorcycle foot peg.  The peg folds up flush and out off the way when not in use.  You can also see in this picture the inverter, the slide out table and bolt latch to hold it in place, and the custom cut slot that perfectly accomodates a 24 pack of beer. 

Onward with the transformation into the bed.  The backrest is velcroed to the wall and the seat cushion is just sitting there.  throw those on the back and fold over the wood piece.  I am gracefully holding this up with my foot and shooting the picture at the same time to demonstrate. 

 The cushions pop in place.

And the bedroll rolls down already made up.  No need to stash blankets and remake the bed everyday as is common with other conversion designs.  That was the requirement for me is that I wouldn't have to make up the bed everyday. 



Another addition in 2.0 is a small table up front.  I used a scrap from the countertop and cut it to fit.  It's mounted on painted iron pipe and rests on the arm rest for more support though it doesn't really need it.  It just pops onto the pipe for use and I store it behind the driver seat.  The vertical pipe is fixed.

I was able to use the existing holes that were for the safety kit common in most Sprinters.  The fire extinguisher fits nicely on the driver seat mount visible in the above picture. 

This is the mount under the table.  I cut all the way through that fitting with a hacksaw.  It took a while.  The threaded nipple just slips over the iron pipe.  I'm a little bummed that the paint is going to chip away pretty quickly but...whatever.   

These pictures aren't really in any order.  Just kind of hopping around.  This is the power strip.  This is the same compartment that holds the trash can and dog food.  Not very easily accessible but the times that we'll be using shore power are few and far between.  In the rare case that we do have it we'll only be running a small electric heater.  Like I said before, once that extension cord is plugged in the batteries are charging so we can run all our 12v with no regard for power conservation anyway. 

You can see just left of the light is the battery monitor.  I'm really glad I got the good digital one.  It's really helpful in managing the 12v power.  I was a bit concerned with how much power the fridge would consume but so far I think it's going to be fine.  255 ah battery bank and the fridge pulls about 3 amps for about 40 seconds every 5 minutes or so.  Very efficient.  I left the fridge on for a few days and noticed no significant battery drain at all.  Still 12.7 volts after 3 or 4 days.  I am aware though that it's been highs of 50's and running it in the middle of the summer is going to be a different story.  We'll see.  You can also see the fan here.  I like this fan a lot.  With the back door cracked and a front window slightly open you get a nice cross breeze.  I'm a little bummed I didn't install the fantastic fan but one of my requirements for the conversion was to cut no holes in the van.  The only one I cut was for the sink drain. 

The final shot here is the clothes cabinet which remained unchanged.  The left two are for clothes.  The shelves are removable. On extended trips it's nice to have all three shelves in so you can organize but for shorter trips it's nice to pack a small backpack in the house and just throw it in with the shelves collapsed.  The right cabinet is for big stuff like dirty laundry bag.  The small portion at the bottom is a slide out shelf for a laptop so you can lay in bed and watch movies.  One space that opened up is the large storage portion below the clothes cabinet where our feet used to go when we were sideways sleepers.  It fits a crashpad perfectly (a large piece of climbing gear for those unfamiliar) or just extra blankets, jackets, dog on a cold night, or even a child for the first 7 years of their life.  The wood divider folds down and there is another piece of covered mattress that fits that spot.  I did it that way so that if I go on trips by myself I can still sleep sideways if I want to avoid the tiny hassle of having to transform the bed. 

Mad Max the Road Warrior version 2.0 Beyond Thunderhome!

Forget about it.

I thought about trying to catch up since my last blog post and the more I did that the more I procrastinized and the more daunting the task became.  So forget about it.  I'm going to try something new in an effort to stay up to date.  Bullet point blog posts that take 5 minutes.  I really like keeping this blog so I can look back and remember the cool stuff that happens around here and elsewhere but I've put too high a standard on what i post and it's caused me to fall behind and not do it at all so start to expect trash!

Recap:  Last post was September something.  Good weather came and climbing season happened.  Overall it was a fairly unproductive season. 

Mega Proj:  Shut me down again.  Year 3, 100 plus days.  Seems to get harder as I get older.  I had more hair when I started working this thing.  Note the lack of bald spot year one.   

I kind of lost mojo this season.  I felt like the proj was holding me back from doing other routes in the prime season so I did a tour of the cumberland plateau.  I spent some time at the red in the fall and did some cool stuff.

I got to spend some time with my friend Pete and Lidija and their dog Buster.  They are from the Lake Tahoe area.  I met them in Smith Rock a few years ago and they are amazing people.  Pete has always been a world-class bad-ass climber.  A few years ago he lost his leg when a piece of machinery fell on his foot at work.  It hasn't slowed him down much and he's probably the strongest prosthetic leg climber in the country.  Still climbing 5.13!

Here's Pete on Dogleg at the Red River Gorge. 




 
And Lidija with Buster. She always looks like this. Always laughing uncontrollably. Great people.





 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Another friend I got to hang out with was Nick Duttle.  Here he is during one of the most incredible redpoints of Kaleidoscope.  About half way up he started to look like he would fall at every move.  He just kept going.  Everyone at the crag was simultaneously laughing and cheering.  It was hilarious.  He'd lunge and sag out, then reel it back in.  Every move.  Not a single person, Nick included, thought he'd clip the chains but he did! 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
After the Red, the weather moved in and I had to head south for warmer climates.  I spent a few days climbing at Little River Canyon in Alabama.  Great crag and great stone.  The canyon is near Fort Smith, Alabama. 

Fort Smith is known for two things: The Alabama Fan Club and Musuem and socks.  Yes, they make socks in Fort Smith.  I love America. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

My partner for the Alabama trip was fellow Sprinter van dweller Ben Gilkison.  Here he is on the highlight routes of the trip: Unshackled.  One of the best 8a's in the south!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 Bald eagles soar high above the canyon.  We had one fly right over our heads at Unshackled one day.  I took this picture of an eagle.  It was sitting motionless behind the glass of a Park Service information board.  This is a picture of a picture of a bald eagle that I took.  National Geographic, here I come. 






The conditions became frigid in Alabama and with no rock further south I had to head west to Arkansas.  Jasper, Arkansas is in the heart of the Ozarks.  This is one destination that has been on my hit list for quite some time. 

The Horseshoe Canyon Ranch  is a private dude ranch that caters to cowboys and climbers.  It is without a doubt the finest moderate sport climbing destination in the country.  It lacks hard routes but makes up for it with excellent hard bouldering.  It is probably my favorite bouldering area in the country.  Hueco is restricted, Bishop and LRC are crowded.  HCR is empty and excellent boulders are everywhere! 

 A bit further south is the town of Cowell, home of Fontaine Red and Fred's Cave.  This is Fred's cave. 

 I sent a problem!  Tag my fist in the camera.  Shikidang!  How'd it feel?










Ironclad beta:  Arkansas is a dry state.  You heard me right, it's a dry state.  There are some fringe counties at the edges that sell beer in select locations but for the most part consider it dry!  Byob.  We had to make a 120 mile beer run to Missouri.  Don't be stupid like us.  Bring beer!

 No climbing trip to Arkansas is complete without a stop at the regionally famous Ozark Cafe.  Kirk got the half-pound Ozark burger and I must say it makes our WV Long Haul burgers look like a mere morsel.  Again: Shikidang. 








Onward with the whirlwind tour....I headed back east just in time for Christmas with the Colley's.  A good time to relax and regroup and a wonderful time overall.  Then Elissa and I headed to the Obed for New Years.  We met back up with Ben and his wife Tiff for some solid Farkle dice and champagne.  Dude, we raged on New Years!  A little dice game, a little drink, in bed by 10:00, just the way I like it! 

January had me back home at the New to work on Max's remodel.  Max the Road Warrior has been transformed.  He is now, Max the Road Warrior version 2.0 Beyond Thunderhome.  Expect a seperate blogpost on this when I get some pictures. 

I headed back to the Obed for a short two day trip to meet up with Kirk who was returning from Red Rocks, Nevada.  I knocked off the project I picked up at new years in short order and split back to the New where the weather has finally turned for the better. 

The past week, Kirk and I have been hitting up the Lakebed, putting up new routes, and knocking them down.  I bolted and sent a fine new 13a. 

 This new route follows the rope.  It starts with the first two bolts of Aryan Race (12c) which I put up last year.  I had rapped this line last year and thought it didn't go.  I rapped it again this year and thought the crux would be V9 or so.  I fired in some bolts and sent it second try.  I couldn't believe the crux goes down like it does.  It requires using a non-hold on the arete that just magically works somehow.  really amazing route.  Cleaning this route was as easy as brushing a spider web out of a single pocket.  That was it.  I would eat off of any part of this route.  It is immaculate white stone.  It's also the first route I've drilled with my new drill.  My drill's name is Michael Boltin' and so that is the name of this route as well.  Yeah, I know it's stupid.  Deal with it!

Boom!  up to date.  I'll do better now I promise.  Honestly, the fast pace of this blog post feels about the same speed that the winter went.  I can't believe it's spring already.  

 

Gettin' stuff done

I'm not a very productive person overall so gettin' stuff done usually takes me a while.  At the opposite end of the spectrum is our unofficial mayor of Fayetteville, Gene Kistler.  Gene knows how to get stuff done.  Here's a picture of Gene with the new Bubba City signboard that was installed this morning.  This sign was built using NRAC funds and will soon contain info on how to get into Bubba, maps, access issues, etc.  We had a sturdy crew to hoist that thing which probably weighed 700 pounds.  Concrete was poured, shit was talked, then we headed over to the Bridge Buttress to work on the staircase used to access the top. 

The staircase has been on ongoing project that Gene says we've been working on for "twenty years".  Everytime it pours rain a torrent of water rushes down the gully and eventually erodes the slope and the stairs start to shift.  We need bigger rocks!

   Robbie was the hero of the day with his elaborate haul system.  Huge rocks were hoisted into the sky and hauled to the top of the gulley where BJ the mason was ready to shift them into place.

Gene's job was to tie into the haul line and jump off the top of the cliff.  I took this picture fully expecting him to eat it into the ground at top speed but the rocks proved to be heavier than Gene.

It required more hauling.  When Lilah barked the order everyone tugged and the rock shifted up the hill as Gene slowly descended back to earth.  In just a few hours we made good headway on the project and hopefully this task is nearing finality.  We had a great time and at the end of the day we got to reflect on just how much NRAC has done for the climbing community.  Particularly Gene and Maura Kistler and Kenny Parker who've been doing this since the beginning.  Literally over twenty years of making the New a better place to live and climb.

One thing I did manage to get done recently is to bolt two new lines at the Meadow.  This beautiful white wall has somehow managed to remain untouched though I know many have thought about it.  For those that are familiar, the two lines I bolted are just left of Matt Fanning's project Phone Home which is itself a brilliant looking line that still awaits a redpoint.  The two to the left will be equally as classic and I can't wait to chalk the holds this weekend.  The middle line is for Colinator.  Probably in the 12b to 12d range.  The left line looks a bit more difficult and may be in the 13a to c range.  Can't wait!

  Parting shot:  Here is Elissa ending her 8 year reign as a full vegeterian.  For health reasons she decided to start eating meat.  She dabbled with fish a little and succeeded then moved up to a single bite of bacon.

And here she is trying not to throw up.  It didn't take.  Maybe next time Colley!





My Wife could Beat up your Honor Student

It's six A.M. and while you lazy maggots are rolling over in bed for a little more shuteye the Colinator is chugging back some coffee. She's just 30 minutes away from doing battle with a bunch of noseyparker middle school kids. She forces math down their unwillingly throats until 3:30 at which point most of us would probably drive home and put a gun to our head or at the very least drown our sorrows in red wine and lavender bubble baths.

Not Elissa, nope she has just begun. She stays at school grading papers until 5:30 then hussles straight over to the gym for Cross-Fit where she pumps iron and shames the men at pull-up contests. She finally comes home around 7:00, pushes me around a bit, cooks up a healthy meal as I beg for pizza, hops in for a quick shower and passes out cold only to wake up 8 hours later to do it all again.

You'd think that she would at least tire out every now and then, and it's true she only goes to Cross-Fit Mon. Tues. Thurs. and Fri. Wednesday she leaves school as early as possible then hussles down to the crag to crush 5.13's in all the weak sauce climbers' faces. Yup, Saturday and Sunday too. Which means...she never rests. Never.

Recently I think Elissa has gotten more psyched for training for climbing than actually climbing. Last Memorial Day Weekend while you were all stuffing hamburgers, hot dogs, and Bud Light down your face holes Elissa was killing it at the Cross-Fit competition down in Charleston, West Virginia. Jumping rope and pumping iron! That's right, while I was out sport climbing with the boys and acting tough she was going head to head with this guy!

She came home complaining about how her back hurt, not only from all the Clean and Jerks, but from dropping a 75 pound barbell into the small of her back. I shrugged it off cause she's usually sore from something until she casually mentioned that it hurt worse than when she shattered her arm in a million places. Not much more than a peep from Elissa though. Nails. Hard as nails.

All these pictures were published in the Charleston Gazette on Monday. Way to kill it Colley! I'm so proud! And hey, a word of advice to all you rednecks out there. Next time you think about smacking your wife around... put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Don't even think about it!

I know what it feels like to live in fear. Did I remember to put the trash out? Oh God, I hope so. I better go check just to make sure.

Looking for Trouble

'Pee Wee's Big Adventure' opens with an amazing sequence of events taking place as Pee Wee wakes up and begins his day. A myriad of Rube Goldberg machines work in sync to crack his eggs, make his toast (which is flown in via wooden pterodactyl), and help him brush his teeth, at which point he foams at the mouth and growls "Mad Dog! grrr". I love this sequence. But he's having such a good time just getting up in the morning that he does not heed the advice which is received from his fortune telling machine. It spits out his daily fortune: "Don't leave the house today" and Pee Wee promptly scoffs at the warning and heads out, thus beginning his 'Big Adventure'.

My warning came a little later in the day than Pee Wee's but just like Pee Wee I scoffed and continued toward my 'big adventure'. I've recently gotten pretty psyched on the Orange Wall at the Meadow River which also happens to be the most remote crag in the region despite the fact that if you have a 4wd vehicle the walking approach takes about 5 minutes. If you don't it's a bit more complex and of course I don't. I left the house with two goals in mind. Check out a new crag Dan Brayack has been developing called the "high density feed lot" and make it down to Orange Wall to rap down two bolted projects.

Max had never been out to the Southside of the Meadow before and this was his inaugural mission. He performed flawlessly at the river crossing and soon enough I was bushwhacking in search of the 'high density feed lot'. A handful of routes looked good but as I walked the base of the crag with my eyes upward as usual I almost stepped on this fella right here. He was a grumpy little dude.

I figure, statistically, that the longer you live the greater chance you have of dying unexpectedly. And one of my favorite songs tells me as much with the lyric: "This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time." You can do a lot to prolong life and avoid risk but I think it really comes down to luck sometimes. Imagine that you start each day with a full glass of "luck". You can walk carefully through each day making sure to not spill a single drop of the luck out or you can stumble (as most people do) through life spilling luck from the glass in large torrents or even dropping the glass entirely and watching the last drop of luck sink into the ground.

All I'm getting at here is that when you almost step on a Copperhead you should start treading lightly to ensure you hold on to that last half glass of luck that you started with. Pee Wee and I could both tell you that hindsight is 20/20.

So we left the feedlot and Max charged headlong down the narrow dirt road that leads to the Orange Wall. We both cringed everytime the West Virginia rainforest reached out and clawed at Max's sturdy flanks. Lilah rode shotgun and sniffed vigorously at the outside air. Max made it as far as Hedricks Creek and called it quits. The road is too rough past there. So I jumped on the mountain bike and we hauled ass down the dirt road. Me coasting as fast as possible and Lilah running behind me at 1/2 throttle. We got to the trail head, dropped the bike and headed up hill.

I eyeballed the projects to be rappelled, noted some landmarks to look for, and headed right along the cliff band looking to gain top access. Of course, it was 10 times as far as I though it would be before finding a sketchy top approach. I jumped to a tree limb and hauled my ass over a log then scrambled up pine-needle and rhododendron covered fourth-class to the ridge line above Orange Wall.

I tied off to a sturdy pine, hooked my grigri to the line and eased over the edge of the overhanging 140 foot cliff. As is always the case when things go wrong a string of events usually leads up to the predicament and one of those events happened before I left the house. I was packing my bag and decided quickly to grab the harness I use for guiding instead of my normal climbing harness. I thought it would be more comfortable to hang in and brush holds, etc. Clipped to my harness was the grigri I use for guiding, not the one I use for climbing but I figured that for a rappell mission it would be sufficient.

So I ease over the side of the cliff and my grigri is not locking on the rope. It's sliding down the rope much like an atc would but grigri's are not supposed to do this. I quickly rap my brake strand around my leg and chill for a minute. I start doing some rough calculations: Grigri is 7 years old, I guide (conservative estimate) 50 full days a year, everytime I belay a goober on Easily Flakey two hundred feet passes through it, I do this about 10 times a day, lets see....this grigri has passed about 700,000 feet of rope through it. And that's just guiding. All the time it saw climbing as well...maybe another 300,000 feet?

So if you're wondering when you should retire your grigri, the answer is: well before a million feet of rope passes through it.

But that doesn't help me much right now cause I sure as hell aren't going to go any further down. So I hook my jumar on and start chugging upward. Lilah is wondering what the crap I am doing. She's staring up at me from a hundred or so feet below, still a bit peaved she couldn't summit due to the fourth-class nonsense.

I get back to the top and I'm getting really faint from the heat on the wall. I may not have mentioned that the wall is baking in the sun and it's in the 90's this day. Super heinous. Which makes me not want to hike back down because rappelling straight down will put me at my waterbottle in two shakes of a lamb's tail. I decide to go for a double rope rappell on the atc and pull my rope from the bottom. At the time I didn't realize how tall this cliff was so as I ease over the edge I can see the tail ends of my ropes tickling the tree tops. No bueno. much too short. The hanging belay anchor for Due Date is within reach but as I'm going for it I realize that no one knows where I am, I'm quickly dehydrating and getting dizzy, and my rope is running through a tangled web of sharp boulders up top. If I go to pull my rope and it gets stuck I'm done for, only to be found days later hanging in the middle of a cliff, baked to a crisp, being picked apart by vultures. So back up the line we go, shimmying up a double line with an atc. I resign myself to pulling up the rope and hiking off and it does in fact get stuck in the boulders so I fix one end and rap off, again on the slick ass grigri, unstick it, jug up and flop onto the summit feeling like I just sucked down a nitrous balloon at a Phish concert. I packed up my shit and cut myself to pieces hiking through the greenbrier on the way back down, missed the gully, and had to do a nasty double rope jungle rappell back to planet earth where Lilah was waiting patiently for me to pour her a drink. I have no idea what those projects are like. Lilah was eager to get back to the AC and I was easily talked into it.

Two days after that we went back out again. This time more properly armed. Lilah and I borrowed Gus (Elissa's CRV), remembered to take the good grigri, and our good friends Kirk(the dogfather) Bjorling and John (Gayveritte) Averitte joined us. A party of three is perfect at the Orange Wall. Two people can be crushing rigs while the third is rapping lines and looking for new stuff. Kirk was psyched to be the explorer this day so he started hiking around looking for potential. John and I started climbing and had a great day just climbing for fun. I warmed up on the cleverly named 'Geneius' (named for Gene Kistler's uncanny ability to have his hand in more cookie jars than the world has cookies) and then fired 'Territorial Pissings' which may be the definitive New River route. I'm saying that this is the best 12a in the region and it may just be the best route of any grade in the region. If someone was going to climb just one route at the New and wanted to be awed, I would say: go climb 'Territorial Pissings'.

This route is located on the far left end of the Orange Wall which is considered the Orange Wall proper. 4 routes ascend this section of wall and they are all of the finest quality. They are all mixed face climbs with a smattering of bolts and some interesting steep face climbing on unbelievable pockets, horizontals, and edges. Kirk rapped a potential new line on the route and proclaimed it to not go. He found another one around the corner and started bolting. I did another cool 12a sport route then John and I headed to the right side so I could get on the project. I climbed some choss, eventually pulled through the big roof, and found myself plastered in a holdless stem corner. I bailed and might not get back on this one. We finished with a 100 foot Obedesque adventure up a flawless wall of golden stone called 'Slapping the Curmudgeon'. We drank Dortmunder Gold's as the setting sun and the high alcohol content transformed the wall into a more beautiful creature with each passing minute.

Two days later we returned with the posse:

From left to right:

Eddie (Jumbo Hoss) Avallone

Rachel (Twin Cannons) Melville

Kirk (Static K) Bjorling

Lilah (Beast of Burden) Colley and

Elissa (Colley Lama) Williams

This time we had a party of five and so I began with a failed bushwhack in search of a buttress I saw across the river from the top of the curmudgeon. Then I hiked up to meet the crew. Kirk got on his new project that he bolted and what he thought was 11d is much harder. So far no one has been able to do the move. I'd been eyeballing this completely blank orange sheet of glass between 'tatanka' and 'territiorial pissings' that appeared to have some bullet hole monos in it. Eddie said he'd swung over from another anchor at one point and found a sinker pocket. That was all the motivation I needed to hike up top and rap down it. The upper section all looked good but the lower section looked hideous. Just a couple of shallow monos and slots. But it definitely had potential so after some deliberation we decided where to put the bolts. We only brought 4 with the intent of adding one to the start of 'Rock Jihad' to make that safer and possibly one up high in the retardedly runout section. With Kenny's approval of course.

So we only had two bolts. I fired em in, jugged the line, made sure the top would be safe on gear, and fired it. This route is very, very, cool. There are only a couple lines I've established that I'm truly just blown away by and very proud of. This is definitely one of them.

It starts out with a few techy powerful moves on somewhat suspect edges. The only poor rock on the route. Then goes into some big huecos. At the top of the huecos is the blank section. You reach up high and in the middle is a perfectly round hole that accepts one finger all the way to the hilt. Unbelievable.

One pull off the mono and you gain some small edges then stem left to a sinker three finger and the crux.

From the three finger sinker you reach high to a shallow three finger dish paste your left toe in a shallow mono pod and step up high to a 1/2 pad left hand mono divot. Yard on the divot, hike a high right foot, and huck meat for the ledge. Then it's some adventurous 5.11 with one 12a section over a not perfect TCU. I'm going to go back and add a bolt for the upper crux. It's not fair to the onsight climber. I had the advantage of scouting the holds on rappel. I also finished up and left to the 'tatanka' anchor but a straighter line goes to the top. I'll add an anchor as well. This is truly a world class route on flawless stone. The holds seem to have been drilled but I promise they are entirely natural!

There is nothing more satisfying than showing up at a cliff, spying a blank piece of rock, and then slowly watching a route materialize throughout the day. It's like it creates itself or, more accurately, reveals itself. And the ultimate is being able to watch that entire transformation occur in the span of a few hours. And the best part of this experience was that I didn't go looking for it. I spend so many days hiking around, engaged in epic bushwhacks and rapping potential routes that would go except for one blank section. Most of the time when I go looking for trouble I find it. But this day was different. I headed up with the intent of spending a beautiful day with good friends and was rewarded with a gift: an immaculate four star classic.

It's definitely worth checking out if you're interested. The grade is 5.12+ and it's called 'Rhymes with Orange'. Take a standard rack up to a #3 Camalot. What rhymes with orange? Nothing really. This route stands alone just like every route. A completely singular sequence unlike any I've ever done before. It's what keeps climbing fresh you know? Wouldn't it be boring if they were all the same?